Today, my husband let me know he felt I was ignoring him by jabbing me in the right ear with his erect penis while I was Skyping with my mum overseas. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband decided that he simply couldn't exist any longer without giving me his own version of a wet-willy. He creeped up on me as I was sleeping and wiggled his wet penis around in my ear. FML
Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML
Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML
Today, my husband came home with his dick pierced. I shrieked in horror and told him to get it away from me. He's now sulking that I won't indulge his weird impulse and am refusing sex until he removes the piercing. FML
Today, my husband called me to the bedroom to show me something. This "something" was him demonstrating his seemingly well-trained ability to accurately type out a sentence on my phone using nothing but his erect penis. FML
Today, I walked into my husband's office and accidentally interrupted his business call to tell him dinner was ready. Silly me, I didn’t realize his "business call" included Skyping with his topless ex, with his pants down. FML
Today, my husband answered a FaceTime call from his mother not 30 seconds after sex. I was naked in bed next to him. FML
Today, when I had a go at my husband for spending way too much time in front of the TV, he pointed the remote control at me while miming turning down the volume in order to make me shut up. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were talking on the phone, and things got a little heated. We were in the middle of some kinky dialog, complete with hand action when he suddenly goes silent. While waiting for a response, I heard typing on the other end. He was checking his email. FML
Today, I decided to go home and apologise to my husband for accusing him of having an affair. I came home to find him having sex with my mother. FML
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Top comments
kyat288 9
Wow, what a dick
SaturnV 25
Kind of a dick move on his part if you ask me.
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Comments (122)
Ins0mau 20
Perfectly reasonable as long as it wasn't a video call.
MisterEx 28
You should've said to your mother: do you like the new Q-tips I just bought?
LordoftheOcelots 10
Use a comma, OP.
realist101 3
Your husbands a real trend setter! Expect to see more fml's of this likeness XD
Pwuj 6
Dude is a keeper.,
Sheh_fml 25
I somehow doubt it was just a chat without video, since OP probably wouldn't have found it to be an FML otherwise. And I hope she didn't "fall" for it, if she is busy he should respect it enough to leave her alone. Also, I cannot imagine being dick-poked gets anyone in the mood. Actually, I cannot imagine anyone being turned on by a guy swinging his genitalia at you. Why the hell do people keep doing that?
Tuffay 14
I think mainly because not everyone is an uptight, frigid thinking person!
MorganXAlexander 6
73, 42 is right. The fact that you pointed out you yourself don't think just shows how much of a dumb ass you are. If OP is busy then her guy should have left her alone. He's just disrespectful.
karen1991 15
...bite it. BITE IT and then say THERE NOW AM PAYING ATTENTION TO U and little hermit over there. Aka ur dick. Now go make me a sandwich!!
eredden 4
Hahahahahha
santel_fml 8
Hahha love it
shark_girl 9
If she's your real mother then she he inevitably seen a penis before…besides, Skype is blurry as f*ck no matter how much lighting you use. So, if you didn't make a big deal about it, there's a chance she didn't know what it was.