Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. I really had to use the bathroom, but decided to wait. After about an hour, I went to the restroom. I pissed for so long that when I walked out her family all started clapping. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was locked out of my house and had to pee. I waited an hour for my boyfriend to come home. When I saw him pull into the driveway, I peed myself in excitement. FML
Today, I had to use a public bathroom. I have problems going when other people are there, so I waited until everyone left. Two girls noticed I was taking a long time, and started giggling and throwing notes under the door asking if I was alive. This continued for half an hour. FML
Today, I had to go to the bathroom. I was in a rush, so I went into the boys bathroom. I then had diarrhea. The entire basketball team was waiting for me outside the stall. They did a slow clap for me. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house and had to go to the bathroom. While peeing, I had a cough attack. The cough shook my body, making me pee all over my pants. My girlfriend's parents just arrived. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I wanted to kayak. On the way, I told him I had to go back to our hotel because I needed the bathroom and didn't want a public one to smell. Once back in the elevator at the hotel, it got stuck. For an hour. I pooped myself and had to wait 40 minutes after that for help. FML
Today, I thought I was going to shit myself at work. I speed-walked all the way to the bathroom clenching for dear life. Barely got my pants down while simultaneously sitting and unleashing. After all that, it was just a gigantic fart. FML
Today, I woke up at my girlfriend's house, dying to pee during a thunderstorm. Ran to the bathroom, but it was occupied. A huge thunderclap scared me pretty bad. When the door finally opened, my girlfriend's mom walked out, laughing. I realized the thunder scared me into peeing my pants. FML
Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
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Top comments
azcardinals1307 2
I find it weird that they'd observe how long you took in the bathroom...
DynamicDave 11
I'd be pissed if that happened to me. I mean urine their home as a guest, your comfort should be number 1. I think they just flushed away any dignity you had left. It doesn't get much bladder than that.
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Comments (113)
prettyinpunk1025 14
Guys always take long in the bathroom anyway ;)
enonymous 9
I wish my family would do that for me :(
DynamicDave 11
I'd be pissed if that happened to me. I mean urine their home as a guest, your comfort should be number 1. I think they just flushed away any dignity you had left. It doesn't get much bladder than that.
SwiftFaux 0
Well done.
SwiftFaux 0
Well done.
changesinme 0
Someone sign this guy up for a world record holder
theten_fml 9
I'd take the girlfriend in the room and give them another reason to clap
Dudelike89 8
42- gonorrhea?
rallets 23
looks like urine trouble
rallets 23
looks like urine trouble
LouisianaBob 9
The people at the urinal over never get excited for me when I do my victory dance for such a long piss =(
Roevera 14
Haha those must be thin walls if they heard you.
Jammy01jams 2
When I walk out of public restrooms I pronounce: "Mission Accomplished!"
upyourzlolz 11
68- you must be one of those obnoxious douches who think they are hilarious, but no one really thinks they're funny.
izvakutzklipx 2
-17 I SEE WHAT YA ******* DID THAR!
construction 7
Very well done buddy
ATSViper 15
LOL
CaptainCommenter 6
By what logic are you going by that you'd be sane enough to say that guys take long in the bathroom? I'll have words with you, oh yes I will!
azcardinals1307 2
I find it weird that they'd observe how long you took in the bathroom...
22cute 17
Agreed. That's really rude, especially with a guest.
YayFlameWarz 9
-Walks out to clapping- "I missed..."
angrymexican 8
His mother would be proud
IKickPuppiesHard 16
You win.
not_cool808 14
*clapping*
Takami662 2
You don't really need to tell what happened again.
not_cool808 14
cool story bro
snakerake 10
...Welcome. To the society of uncompromising men. Welcome, to the WiserHood.
abudali911 3
I once pissed for 4 minutes
ThreeSheetsGone 12
That usually only happens to me after a night of heavy drinking. My roommate wasn't too happy when he went to put his clothes in the washing machine the next day though.
prettyinpunk1025 14
5, congratulations...
Jdeluxh 12
Haha great reference!
GamingTroller101 12
Thats almost the world record
Xtra_Cheddar 3
Take a bow
nothingmuch_ 5
Like. Congrats OP :) Her family obviously found it amusing, so definitely not FYL.
KVKdragon 26
Just ignore them and let them continue being immature. Pretty soon, they're going to figure out that they're not being funny and that they're harassing a guest in their household
tannerparker16 0
Holy shit when did dr Phil get a FML account?
dirtyfivethirty 0
It IS funny. No matter how old you get, bodily functions are always something to find humor in.
Stonerworld 9
you are a ******* retard
lincolntwo 0
*slow clap*
curlyfry33 8
*gradualy clapping faster*
LilRob58 5
That's exactly what I was thinking maybe they were listening to see of he "measures" up
sydneylol 7
They must really like you.
ollie179 21
Let's throw a celebration for the emptying of your bladder!