Today, I got a promotion. I was really excited until I realized that the only friend I had to celebrate with was my pet cat. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I realized that since I started working full time, the only friend I have left is my cat. Lonely and bored out of my mind, I told him about my day. He decided to end the conversation by shitting on the floor. FML
Today, I bought my girlfriend a cat. I now have a cat and no girlfriend. FML
Today, I woke up to find my cat had knocked over a glass of water, which short-circuited my alarm clock, so I overslept, missed a crucial meeting, and found out I'd been promoted... to a position which no longer exists. FML
Today, I was so lethargic talking to my co-worker about her raise that I accidently told her to celebrate with a family vacation. I totally forgot that she just started divorce proceedings and that her mom is dying. Meanwhile, I'm stuck making $42,000 a year, and have a cat. FML
Today, the only colleague I dislike was promoted to be my manager. FML
Today, I realised that I have a better relationship with my cat than I do with my boyfriend. FML
Today, I'm celebrating New Year's with my cat. I made her a cake. FML
Today, I came home and saw my cat all snuggled up with another cat on the sofa. I thought it was the cutest thing ever, until I remembered that I only have one cat. FML
Today, I got a sweet promotion at my job. Instead of being happy and celebrating with me, my boyfriend broke up with me because he is jealous that I'm more successful than he is. FML
Today, I adopted a cat, thinking it would make my life a little less lonely. Within an hour, the cat ran away. Not even animals want to be around me. FML
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Top comments
FFML_314 12
This is a cat-astrophe! I say, quit being a pussy and go make some friends.
Moe954 0
Being kinda Socially Retarded myself, I feel ya. But there'll be friends soon enough for you tho, so don't worry about it too much. Congratz on the promo :D
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Comments (115)
heavymetalman1 0
poor kitty
Phustercluck 11
/sadface
joooeee 3
you should find more friends to play with your pussy
XsianinvasionX 0
lol hey can someone tell me wat ydi means
usmc2016 0
you deserve it
MissErikaHart 0
hell ya, more money for u!!
ajsboarder 0
Party cat, is it time for breakfast? No, it's time to party.
lm27 5
Get another cat, then you'll have 2 friends to celebrate with!
MAGNAVOX 0
There's nothing to celebrate about getting promoted to cook in Mc Donald's.
Thunderpants12 2
Does your cat feel the same way?
jazmixer 0
who wouldn't enjoy celebrating with a little pussy?
jazmixer 0
yeah car sucks as much as you mom does in the back seat of her minivan that you tool around in. wait that must mean my car really sucks. FML.
jazmixer 0
your mom. sorry grammar Nazis out there.
justsayfuck 5
#82, I'm sorry to tell you that even with that correction, your comment is still full of failure :)
jazmixer 0
Failure is so hard to aspire to, but I am glad that I have reached my goal. :P
Mylifeskool 0
I personally think your car is kick ass. looked like a lamborghini on the fmls applications small picture
ncvolley123 8
thats exactly what I'm going through right now. I'm 12.
TyronetheOG 0
94 obviously you think its cool beacuse you're 14 years old and you know nothing about cars rofl
thikimo 0
anything with vertical doors look awesome...bat moblie for one ;3
Notimetobleed 14
74 I clicked your profile because you looked like a real douche, which you are.
trueblue42 4
yes, FYL indeed.
FMLandurstoo 9
OP, celebrate by getting laid
raf217474 0
wow fyl
mcsquanch 0
U need to go out and get really really drunk!!!
kellykerplunkk 0
hahah aw
FFML_314 12
This is a cat-astrophe! I say, quit being a pussy and go make some friends.
NightSkyx 0
omg 2 puns in one sentence! it's the end of all fmls
Zosiaaa 0
so funny. nawt.
FFML_314 12
Nawt? SMH
FFML_314 12
Learn to appreciate my humor. You mini Buzz Killingtons.
DocBastard 40
FFML, I get and appreciate your humor. Even if it took you *two* sentences to make two puns, not one. Don't be a sourpuss, just continue strutting on the catwalk like the supermodel you really are.
FFML_314 12
Hey! I do what I can. :D
MissErikaHart 0
how does ffml's ass smell Doc? I'm just wondering cuz ur always kissing it...
FFML_314 12
How does cocaine feel, MissErikaHart? Since you're always snorting it.
perdix 31
FFML_314 & MissErikaHart: Cat Fight!!!!! Reeeeeeeeer!
GTmustang07 0
ahh needless to say, it's a cat fight
DocBastard 40
Miss Hart, I kiss noone's ass but my wife's. I compliment her because I find her comments amusing, unlike yours. If you make an amusing comment, I'll be happy to compliment it. Until then, you are welcome to stand under a pile of bricks and play Chicken with gravity.
FFML_314 12
She is just mad, because I made it known how stupid she is.
Ohnocurly 0
Perhaps you will be able to tell us how those bricks smell??
KingDingALing 9
Hahahahahahahahahaha! Funniest comments I've ever read!
TyronetheOG 0
But ur not really funny. go spend ur time doing something else. go ahead, correct my grammar loser.
FFML_314 12
I might just cry.
sweet_candy_ 17
You should go out and make some friends.
iampunk 0
Thank you for pointing this out Sherlock Holmes.
MissErikaHart 0
"no shit Sherlock" is not how u say it anymore?
sweetcheeksjvl 0
yeah it's "No shit Sherlock!"
sweet_candy_ 17
you're welcome Watson :)
AjaxF 0
Seems like your pussy is the only friend you've got. . .FYL! YDI for not going out more
WickedWendigoX 0
meow meow mix
SeasonedLemur 5
Meow mix is the devils work!! Worst Drug Ever...
BizzaroG 0
hey at least your pet cat will always be there for you!!!
sasonzal 4
cats live for like 10 years or somthing
BizzaroG 0
lol rain on his parade