Today, my husband let me know he felt I was ignoring him by jabbing me in the right ear with his erect penis while I was Skyping with my mum overseas. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband decided that he simply couldn't exist any longer without giving me his own version of a wet-willy. He creeped up on me as I was sleeping and wiggled his wet penis around in my ear. FML
Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML
Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML
Today, my husband came home with his dick pierced. I shrieked in horror and told him to get it away from me. He's now sulking that I won't indulge his weird impulse and am refusing sex until he removes the piercing. FML
Today, my husband called me to the bedroom to show me something. This "something" was him demonstrating his seemingly well-trained ability to accurately type out a sentence on my phone using nothing but his erect penis. FML
Today, I walked into my husband's office and accidentally interrupted his business call to tell him dinner was ready. Silly me, I didn’t realize his "business call" included Skyping with his topless ex, with his pants down. FML
Today, my husband answered a FaceTime call from his mother not 30 seconds after sex. I was naked in bed next to him. FML
Today, when I had a go at my husband for spending way too much time in front of the TV, he pointed the remote control at me while miming turning down the volume in order to make me shut up. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were talking on the phone, and things got a little heated. We were in the middle of some kinky dialog, complete with hand action when he suddenly goes silent. While waiting for a response, I heard typing on the other end. He was checking his email. FML
Today, I decided to go home and apologise to my husband for accusing him of having an affair. I came home to find him having sex with my mother. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
kyat288 9
Wow, what a dick
SaturnV 25
Kind of a dick move on his part if you ask me.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (122)
off_constantly 8
Did it tickle?
perdix 31
At least you know he's in touch with his feelings! Women always say they want a man who can express his emotions, not just some boring stiff.
monkeyy22 6
What does your avatar mean?
prettyinpink03 11
I've always assumed that it is a play on the old "terror alert" system the U.S had.
perdix 31
#17, #25 got it right.
HKCgrimmjow 15
Well... She got a stiff but I'm sure it couldn't have been too boring
SApprentice 34
Why would he have thought that that's okay in the first place? I doubt he wants to see your parents genitalia, why would he show one of them his? That was an asshole move of him, and abusive too, because of the situation it has put you in. You two need to have a talk.
emilyjgraham 34
this is just a long was round of saying "get rid". if he didn't know she was skyping her mum then it's not too bad. maybe he didn't want to seem whiny by asking "why aren't you giving me attention?" maybe he thought it might have been a fun way to get ops attention!
chellyX92 8
It's playful banter, not abuse. He just did it at the wrong time.
ICastillo 25
He was just trying to put both your heads together and figure out a soultion.
Blueglasscup 18
Anyone else think ear sex from family guy?
ICastillo 25
Haha yeah have to practice safe sex.
scarface90 8
Once you go black, you go deaf...
perdix 31
Try to convince your "mum" that it's the new Skype headphone ;)
gc327072 31
Perdix using a winky face?! Dafuq?!
benmec 18
Hey that's a nice visual for your mom. Now when she's bitching about grand kids, she'll be like, "see you're not doing it right!!"
hotshot2626 9
Just get in touch with what he's saying. I mean, he just wanted you to know where he's coming from on all this.
perdix 31
When he said, "Give your mom my best," he meant it literally.
Fruhling 16
I'm just hoping for the sake of OP's mum that it wasn't a video call. Other than that WTH was he thinking....