Today, after hearing the doctor saying my girlfriend can never be pregnant, I got a bit too excited. I'm currently on the 5th hour of the silent treatment. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after screaming at me this morning, my wife has been giving me the silent treatment. We're trying to get pregnant, but she caught me masturbating, or "reducing my sperm count on purpose" as she called it. I just wanted some harmless fun with some porn, since getting pregnant has made actual sex a chore. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she's pregnant and I did not take it well. She had planned to record my happy reaction for Facebook; instead she got video of me bursting into tears, and trying to talk her into an emergency abortion. She sent it to my parents to punish me. FML
Today, I went to the doctor. They did a test and said they would email me the results. My girlfriend saw the email that said "The test was positive", and now she thinks I'm cheating on her with someone named Doctor Johnson. FML
Today, my doctor told me I'm pregnant. Since we've been trying for several years, I called my husband to tell him the good news. Not long after, my doctor called to inform me there'd been a clerical mix-up and I'm not actually pregnant after all. FML
Today, my girlfriend tells me she missed her period this month. I felt excited until she said, "I will let you know the results of the paternity test." I was not aware we needed a paternity test. FML
Today, I went to my gynecologist's for a check-up. After the doctor checked me I went to the bathroom. It turns out the walls aren't soundproofed, because I could hear the doctor telling his assistant, "God! How did she ever find a husband?" FML
Today, I found out that I'm not actually pregnant. I've apparently been having a hysterical pregnancy because I want a child so badly. I don't know which was worse, the look of relief on my husband's face or having to send a mass email to inform my family and friends. FML
Today, my pregnancy test came back positive. My boyfriend is no fan of fatherhood, so it was with some hesitation that I called him and let him know I'm pregnant. He replied, "Like hell you are!" and hung up. He now refuses to answer any of my calls. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend the silent treatment. He put his Facebook status as "When your girlfriend finally shuts up for once". FML
Today, my girlfriend missed our date, so I angrily texted her, telling her if she can't make our dates then we should break up, and generally telling her off. Five minutes later I get a picture of her sleeping in a hospital bed from her mother, saying, "Shut the fuck up, she had appendicitis." FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
Get a vasectomy if you don't want children. Sympathize with your girlfriend because learning of infertility can be devastating for some.
GavinoFreedom 20
Well I would say that you deserved it but you already know that.
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Comments (322)
Shadow9876 19
What the actual ****, dude..
storethis 17
My mom was like that :) im lucky to be born
aboynamedjude 8
Why would any woman want to be with such an insensitive piece of shit?
GamerMom392 19
You're lucky if all you got was the silent treatment, but I hope she broke up with you for being so cruel and insensitive. I can't imagine how devastating it would be to be told you could never have children. You sitting there, getting happy about it sure didn't help, though.
rubberduck_of_doom 31
YDI big time. I mean whether or not you want any children (which you should've clarified with your girlfriend beforehand) you should never be happy about someone elses body failing them!!! A lot of my friends want children, badly. They would be absolutely devasted to hear that they won't be able to conceive as it is and then there's this prick next to them (someone who is supposed to support them and care for them) being happy about it. This must've hurt A LOT and it sounds more like your girlfriends FML than yours! "Today, after longing to be a mother, I got told I will never be able to conceive. My a**hole boyfriend next to me was visibly happy about this information. FML" Just saying... I hate when people say this but this time I have to say it myself: She should dumb you. You insensitive, insufferable prick!
imbedderdenu 23
You're a dick. you're lucky if she doesn't leave you.
404wan 19
you're filth and i hope she left your shitty ass.
Echoing_V3gas 13
It's her body asshole, maybe she wanted kids? Either way, go **** yourself.
CoriCat 25
You don’t deserve her