Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me. Her response was to impersonate a saxophone. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me while I was at work. She did so by telling me she has a yeast infection. FML
Today, while getting it on with my wife, I started to talk dirty to her. She started laughing. When I asked her if she wanted me to stop, she just kept on laughing. FML
Today, I was doing it with my girlfriend. Trying to be sexy, I moaned her name. She replied, "What?" FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said, "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML
Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML
Today, my boyfriend's response to me saying, "Most women like a bit of filth in the bedroom every now and again" was to start farting in bed. Not quite what I meant. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me a blow-up doll and told me to practice. FML
Today, my girlfriend said that we should try something new. I got excited because I thought it would be about sex. Nope, she wanted me to start speaking with animal noises so we could build up a secret language. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Welshite 40
It was really a sexophone.
Malicious_Clam 6
There is a song where they say "talk dirty to me" and then a saxophone starts playing. They play it on the radio frequently. It's a pop song.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (114)
OnlyAvailableID 28
She didn't even have the courtesy to make saxophone noises at the drive in or the old man's car.
Enslaved 38
Did you mean "In the old man's Ford"?
sunnyray812 42
Finally, someone thought of Poison!
foxwasalamb 24
damn. i cant make sax noises. good for her
ohSNAPyall 27
Don't feel too bad. It was just cymbalic.
AH1Zviper 15
Talk dirty? "Well you can start with the dishes, then you can vacuum the whole house, and don't forget to clean the litterbox." That was the last time I asked someone to talk dirty to me.
i_h8t_everything 12
And the last time someone will ever talk dirty to you
12121314cm 8
Jeesh, sounds like you're married
mikerockks 6
Feel bad for you. Your gf has no taste in music.
tony1891 22
anal sax?
olpally 33
Well, she sucked the fun out of that one. Ugh. Lol. That's when you walk away and shake your head in disbelief.
the_underscore 6
Well as long as she plays careless whisper, I'm ok
worldclassrager 41
Alto tenor or baratone? Either or they have different levels of saxiness
NicolaTB 3
I would have done the same tbh
Klima_fml 29
I laughed at this a bit more than I should've
lulinator 40
You're not alone.