Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me. Her response was to impersonate a saxophone. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me while I was at work. She did so by telling me she has a yeast infection. FML
Today, while getting it on with my wife, I started to talk dirty to her. She started laughing. When I asked her if she wanted me to stop, she just kept on laughing. FML
Today, I was doing it with my girlfriend. Trying to be sexy, I moaned her name. She replied, "What?" FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said, "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML
Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML
Today, my boyfriend's response to me saying, "Most women like a bit of filth in the bedroom every now and again" was to start farting in bed. Not quite what I meant. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me a blow-up doll and told me to practice. FML
Today, my girlfriend said that we should try something new. I got excited because I thought it would be about sex. Nope, she wanted me to start speaking with animal noises so we could build up a secret language. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
It was really a sexophone.
Malicious_Clam 6
There is a song where they say "talk dirty to me" and then a saxophone starts playing. They play it on the radio frequently. It's a pop song.
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Comments (114)
tbon3r 15
at least she didn't give you a chore list :)
billiejoe7 10
Ahah aww your girlfriend sounds so cute
youdontknowwho 19
Your conversations ain't long, but you know what is.. :p
tracyswingkid 8
"Do you believe in premarital sax?"
CaroAurelia 12
That's how you know you have a keeper! That's funny!
ChibiChick25 8
Hahaha she is definitely a keeper. gotta love a girl with a sense of humor
babiescakes1009 4
Agh that sucks!! I tried talking dirty to my ex boyfriend and he laughed in my face because "he wasn't use to it".. Whatever dude. But I totally feel your pain.
therealtixe 8
WOW NO ONE GOT THE JASON DERULO REFRENCE? YDI OP YOUR GF IS AWESOME AND THE REST OF THE COMMONTEERS ARE Living under a rock i do not wanna be on this planet anymore..
urlit 13
I don't see the problem. She sounds highly amusing
tman1985 9
so, Lisa Simpson grew up to be in her, lets say, late 20's, jumped out of the animated world, and chose you, damn man, good on ya :P