Today, I was sexing it up with my boyfriend. Halfway through, he looked at me and said, "Y'know what you never see in a porno? Intellectual conversation. Read any good books lately?" He wouldn't keep going until I answered. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I tried having intercourse with my boyfriend, and about 30 seconds in, I heard flipping. He was looking at a porn magazine. "It's to keep my erection" he answered. FML
Today, my new boyfriend came over to my apartment for the first time. Up until now I thought he was great, but when he spotted the book I'm currently reading next to my couch, he uttered the immortal question, "Why do you read?" FML
Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML
Today, after what I thought was an amazing sex session with my boyfriend, he let out a big sigh and told me I need to watch more porn. FML
Today, during sex, my girlfriend got so bored that she asked me to tell her a story. FML
Today, I spent the night with my guy, who I hadn't seen in ages. In the middle of sex, he answered his phone, told me to be quiet, talked to the girl on the other end about how boring his day was, then left the room to finish talking to her. When he came back, he asked if I felt like swallowing. FML
Today, I had sex with a coworker I've had my eye on for awhile. Immediately after, he turned on the light and got on his phone. Me, trying to start a conversation, I said, "Well, that was fun." He looked at me and said, "Was it?" FML
Today, I watched my boyfriend have a full on conversation with his penis. He also talks to his penis nicer than he talks to me. FML
Today, I was having some rare good sex with my husband, when he suddenly said, "I'm fuckin' BORED," and pulled out so he could go play his video games. FML
Today, I went to the bookstore and saw a stunning girl reading. I walked over and picked up a book, thinking our two books were the same category, hence a good conversation starter. She looked at me, and I pointed at my book and smiled. After that, she left. It was a sex position book. FML
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Top comments
TransitionCovert 6
He is a keeper
CVeNgineer 0
Well he's got a point..
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Comments (181)
mikeymayhem_87 15
And what was your response op?
Savra_fml 17
She said "You are wrong. I just watched the directors cut of a **** film, it turns out in the end he does fix the washing machine, and then they discuss how to maintain it over a cup of coffee"
Clamcreepy 7
#17 LMFAO good stuff
Ray_of_midnight 23
It's "he fixes the cable." Don't be fatuous.
raphanne_fml 33
#72 Nope, Savra wrote "he does fix", and it's correct! Don't be fatuous.
raphanne_fml 33
Oops, my bad! I just saw that you changed the expression to "the cable"... My apologies. Time for me to go hang my fatuous self in shame.
worldwidechopper 0
He was probably trying to distract you from sex so he could give himself a minute and not blow his load.....lol
attaboy368 20
Yup! He probably was~~ but I still wanna know Has she read any good books lately?
biggestfan23 11
Why is this is an fml. He doesn't wanna sex you one time omg it's the end of the world
fernclogger 5
Counter the intelligent conversation with a stupid answer
thisisafunnyname 12
"Yeah, Twilight" Like that?
TheNewGuy03 29
Yep, great way to kill the boner
Pentium_4 27
bet there's a video like this on redtube...and i wouldn't be surprised if it was considered a special fetish
123josie123 11
Something tells me that you are a regular? :')
Pentium_4 27
lol, i love FML...it kills my phone battery all the time. OH YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT REDTUBE. *no comment*
raraisbang 12
Hm, damn I would've pegged you for more of a youporn guy. Guess I was wrong! ;-D
dhardesty23 8
he's got a good sense of humor lol probably not the best timing though
vinchenzy 0
She used to be a virgin like you, but then see took a penis to the vag
ILEIKGURLS 0
You make a dumb skyrim reference, and don't spell *SHE right? Ha.
raven1911 3
that was a bigger fail then the moon walking/flying dragons
Wheredidgrungego 12
Knowledge fetish?
thisisafunnyname 12
Oh my god the history channel! fapfapfapfap
mstangchck 9
Sexing it up hehe. Anyways it could be worse. He may think you are incapable of intellectual thought. Be happy. :)
uprising_fml 0
that's kind of a bad time to have an intelligent conversation, but I personally think it is a good thing that he reads. my boyfriend and I read a lot and we have a good time discussing literature. Granite, it's never while we're having sex but still :)
brianjman14 23
Granite?
johnnyshred612 4
Oh god @ talking about intelligent discussion and following it up by saying "granite" instead of "granted"
raney150 0
It's a typo. It happens to everyone and doesn't reflect their intelligence. Although there is a lack of capitalization in that post.
DocBastard 40
No, typing "grantrd" instead of "granted" would be a typo. Typing "granite" instead of "granted" exposes silliness.
SammyS2012 21
Or their phone changed it to granite? iPhones and iPods are known to do that. Once it changed "second" to "sexing"; I've never even written sexing...
desireev 18
Until now... DUN DUN DUUUUNNN!!! Lol