Today, I tried having intercourse with my boyfriend, and about 30 seconds in, I heard flipping. He was looking at a porn magazine. "It's to keep my erection" he answered. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML
Today, I was sexing it up with my boyfriend. Halfway through, he looked at me and said, "Y'know what you never see in a porno? Intellectual conversation. Read any good books lately?" He wouldn't keep going until I answered. FML
Today, things got pretty steamy between my boyfriend and me. We started doing stuff that neither of us had tried before. Then, he straddled me with a raging erection and boomed, "IT HAS RISEN!" He didn't understand why I was suddenly no longer in the mood. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was making a list of things to do tomorrow while faking an orgasm when I realize my boyfriend had finished about two minutes ago. He's pissed. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He tried to put it in unerected. He was serious. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a spontaneous blowjob while we were watching TV. After he finished, I tried to pull a sexy move I'd seen in a porno by zipping his pants back up with my teeth. His foreskin got caught in the zipper and we spent the next few hours in the emergency room. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, I had my first orgasm. He thought something was wrong, so he stopped. FML
Today, after what I thought was an amazing sex session with my boyfriend, he let out a big sigh and told me I need to watch more porn. FML
Today, I tried coming on to my fiancé. He just pushed me off and got out of bed, saying he wasn't in the mood. A half hour later, I caught him jerking off to several windows of porn. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky, and I whispered that I love him. He immediately lost his boner, and a few minutes later "remembered" he had to be somewhere else. FML
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Top comments
dlogsr 1
maybe because you called it "intercourse".
danza_fml 0
30 seconds? No comment.
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Comments (134)
King_of_Kings 3
you don't turn him on
YUMmMm 0
wow now that sux sorry OP
Switchblade1212 0
NO SHIT.
danza_fml 0
30 seconds? No comment.
Bravewolf 15
but.... you commented
Bravewolf 15
but.... you commented
citylights 0
... that sucks.
Puolukka 4
Okay that is just weird...whether you're just not good in bed or just don't turn him on in general...I think you should talk about it and if that does nothing then you should leave him... I mean if he doesn't like the sex he could just say it and tell you what he likes...maybe your exboyfriends were satisfied with the way things were but he's not...and if he doesn't say anything about it then it's his own damn fault...and if he doesn't find you attractive then he shouldn't be dating you in the first place... I don't consider myself to be exceptionally hot or pretty, I'd say I'm average...and still my husband would always rather look at me or pictures of me than looking at ****...of course he watched **** as well on occasion...but when he had the choice he always chose me over ****...
nitrogirl 0
what's with the reallyy long comments?? no one takes time to read itt OP 30 sec?? really
CrazyDutch 0
I did
flotar 0
I didn't.
kiefenator 0
td;lr
mk58 31
118, you got it wrong. It's: "tl;dr".
Blacksabbath211 9
Just pointing out that maybe he likes her for her personality or something? (Never thought I'd hear this from myself), but there's more to relationships than just sex. Granted they should try to fix that up somehow, but still, he's with her and apparently it's not just for the sex so stop flipping shit.
dlogsr 1
maybe because you called it "intercourse".
trop_fml 0
i second #2
erty228 0
BASTARD.
MyImmortal_fml 0
Pfft. 30 seconds and he's already having trouble? Dump his ass.
TheJadedDiary 2
He sounds hopeless, find someone else to have sex with :)
Safko 0
maybe he's gay :3