Today, I was sexing it up with my boyfriend. Halfway through, he looked at me and said, "Y'know what you never see in a porno? Intellectual conversation. Read any good books lately?" He wouldn't keep going until I answered. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I tried having intercourse with my boyfriend, and about 30 seconds in, I heard flipping. He was looking at a porn magazine. "It's to keep my erection" he answered. FML
Today, my new boyfriend came over to my apartment for the first time. Up until now I thought he was great, but when he spotted the book I'm currently reading next to my couch, he uttered the immortal question, "Why do you read?" FML
Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML
Today, after what I thought was an amazing sex session with my boyfriend, he let out a big sigh and told me I need to watch more porn. FML
Today, during sex, my girlfriend got so bored that she asked me to tell her a story. FML
Today, I spent the night with my guy, who I hadn't seen in ages. In the middle of sex, he answered his phone, told me to be quiet, talked to the girl on the other end about how boring his day was, then left the room to finish talking to her. When he came back, he asked if I felt like swallowing. FML
Today, I had sex with a coworker I've had my eye on for awhile. Immediately after, he turned on the light and got on his phone. Me, trying to start a conversation, I said, "Well, that was fun." He looked at me and said, "Was it?" FML
Today, I watched my boyfriend have a full on conversation with his penis. He also talks to his penis nicer than he talks to me. FML
Today, I was having some rare good sex with my husband, when he suddenly said, "I'm fuckin' BORED," and pulled out so he could go play his video games. FML
Today, I went to the bookstore and saw a stunning girl reading. I walked over and picked up a book, thinking our two books were the same category, hence a good conversation starter. She looked at me, and I pointed at my book and smiled. After that, she left. It was a sex position book. FML
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Top comments
TransitionCovert 6
He is a keeper
CVeNgineer 0
Well he's got a point..
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Comments (181)
RedPillSucks 33
Bf: Oh baby, do you have the solution to the Yang-Mills compact differentiable manifold yet? OP: Oh, Oh, Oh!!! Bf: That doesn't sound like the answer. I'ma stop right here until you figure it out. OP: *Scribbles furiously* I'm cumming!!!! Bf: oh baby! I love it when you integrate dirty
Ray_of_midnight 23
Bozhe moi! This. I know. From nothing. What. I am going. To do. But then I think of great Lobachevsky and I get idea, a-HA! (probably a pretty obscure reference for this site, but not for my usual sex partners. :-) )
TheAntiOptimist 2
A fellow Tom Lehrer fan! Excellent!
zowieandzander77 1
Um question why were you sexting in the same room ( assuming so since he looked up at you) why not just actually talk???
Ballin8864 4
They weren't sexting X_X...i thought the same thing & then I re-read it, says sexing.
psuedodragon 23
I read it as "sexting" as well, because really, using "sexing" shows a level of simple-mindedness that got OP into this predicament in the first place. Maybe OP should read more books...
zowieandzander77 1
Ah yes my mistake.
yourXwillh8me 3
Asia Carrera is a member of MENSA
Sparks808 10
YDI for referring to sex as: 'sexing it up'.
supaisu 0
he's just a classy guy.
kphippie 0
Nothing wrong with that
FMLucky 5
That's so funny hahaha
gaffag 2
That's what you get for saying "sexing it up"...
Incogneterpeter 1
So, did you read any good books lately????
grith8 4
Wait you were sexting in the same room? Why not just actually be doing something hot.
nth191937 3
learn to read