Today, my mother accused me of "cooking cocaine", after she found a slightly discoloured spoon in my room. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
ADMIT IT!
Today, my mum accused me of doing heroin because some teaspoons had gone missing. FML
Today, my mother accused me of stealing pills; she looked all over my room and couldn't find them. When she went back to the pantry, she saw them on the shelf below where they were supposed to be. She then accused me of putting them there while she was searching my room. FML
Today, I found my mom throwing my very expensive and important medication down the toilet. She thought I was doing drugs. FML
Today, my mom found my weed stash and went berserk, grounding me and saying she's going to have my bedroom door removed. Less than an hour later, I found her laughing and smoking the same stash with my dad in the backyard. FML
Good tasting
Today, my roommate left those powdered donuts in the kitchen. Hungry, I decided to try one. Turns out, the white powder wasn't sugar. It was cocaine. FML
Innocence file
Today, my mom and step-dad tore my room apart looking for the stash of drugs they thought I had. I've never touched drugs in my life, and I guess they believe me now. Didn't stop them from making me clean up the mess they made, though. FML
Today, I was taking some clothes downstairs to wash, when my mum stopped me. She accused me of sleeping around and trying to hide something, since she did the washing yesterday. She made me admit in front of the whole family that I'd been "surprised" by a case of diarrhea. FML
Today, I found out my mother cleans the dishes with bathroom cleaning chemicals. She doesn't see anything wrong with this. FML
Dope
Today, my mom accused me of smoking weed. Truth is, I'd just ripped the quietest and weirdest smelling fart of my life. She wouldn't believe me, accused me of making stupid excuses up, and grounded me. FML
Today, my mother has taken her drug paranoia to a new level. She threw away an open but nearly full bag of dried mint because she's sure I emptied and refilled the bag with marijuana to hide it from her. She then tried to ground me in my own house in front of my wife and daughter. FML
Top comments
metallica_wins 20
Please. Everyone knows you cook cocaine in a crockpot.
Mahcookiez 15
Shit, where are my spoons, gotta clean em fast
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Comments (37)
metallica_wins 20
Please. Everyone knows you cook cocaine in a crockpot.
NotGabe 28
I usually cook it in the dryer, but I'll definitely try the crockpot method!
spanjers 10
I think you meant crackpot.
katydid91 31
No, a "Crackpot" is what you turn into after becoming addicted to Crack.
SixthSinEnvy 39
But which method yields a better "homemade" experience? You know, like how grandma used to make.
Mahcookiez 15
Shit, where are my spoons, gotta clean em fast
KhaleesiDannie 26
Well if you're not cooking cocaine you're definitely snorting the marijuana
MikaykayUnicorn 36
Or drinking the meths
countryb_cth 38
Or licking up the meths
tigerisabelle 31
Or injecting the ecstasies
rachelthelime_fml 29
Or smoking the acids
jayennachristine 23
wait till she sees your fork.
SecundusSecunda 27
Tell her it was for SCIENCE!
revolvearoundme 15
I would think that the fact that until now you didn't know most people cook cocaine in a spoon with baking soda to make crack would have helped your defense.
swaglesshipster 23
That's almost as bad as injecting a marijuana! :D
am1717 22
She probably accused you cuz she's had experience Lol
squiid 2
well seeing how most people here don't know you can cook crack in a spoon it would seem so.
sturschaedel 27
OK, let's assume grandma is around 70 (+- 10 years), so was born in the mid-forties. Makes her 20 in the mid-sixties. Yeah, she probably has experience.
sydnvy 15
just start actually doing it. that'll show her
chuka81 27
And how would that help OP again?
HappyItalian 38
#18 He's just being sarcastic (I hope)
RA91 26
Well ****..that escalated quickly!