Today, I received a poorly-written letter from my asshole neighbor in which he threatened to "sew" me because my dog shat on his lawn again. I went over, asked if he needed some wool for his sewing, and told him to stop being an idiot. Now he's apparently hiring a lawyer for real. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML
Today, after weeks of asking my neighbor nicely to pick up his dog’s crap out of the common area, I got fed up and reported him to the landlord and the city. He’s now been given two options; either get rid of his dog or move out. He’s now sworn revenge on me, even though he was the one being gross. FML
Today, tired of people letting their dogs crap in my yard, I sprinkled an assortment of crushed peppers around my lawn as a deterrent. One dog went to do its business and had some sort of allergic reaction. Now its bitchy owner is threatening to sue me, and tried to have her daughter kick my ass. FML
Today, I wanted revenge on my neighbor, whose dog craps in my yard, so I spent a day at the dog park gathering up dog shit. I piled it up by the property line and ran over it with the mower, intending to spray his driveway and car with turds. Instead, it gummed up the mower. Now it stinks too bad to fix. FML
Today, I asked my neighbor to kindly move his truck because it blocks my driveway and the side entrance to my yard. He responded by throwing a decapitated bird onto my front lawn and filing an injunction against me for stalking. FML
Today, I stepped into a pile of dog shit on my doorstep, along with a note saying, "Keep your dog out of my yard." I don't own a dog. FML
Today, I watched as my neighbor walked to my front lawn, looked me right in the eye, and pissed on my mailbox. FML
Today, I witnessed my neighbor draining his sewage-clogged plumbing into my backyard. FML
Today, I was screaming at my neighbor to shut his dog up. After 30 minutes of bellowing, he yelled back that it was my dog that was barking. He was right. FML
Today, I found out my dog is a felon. He broke into a neighbor's house by breaking in through the screen door. He also vandalized their property by shitting on their carpet. Our neighbors are now considering suing us. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Welshite 40
You, I like you. That's possibly the best come-back I've ever heard.
SgtAssCheeks 21
Probably called a Lolyer or some shit
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (207)
worldclassrager 41
This will be a short case...he has no reason...maybe he should try an electric fence...
TheOnlyMizLiv 22
You're still an ass if you let your dog shit on anyone's lawn, but nice rebuttal.
plagiarismo 16
Kudos for the way you handled it. Condolences for the way he did.
imchacon22 19
Sounds like the ass hole here is you. Your dog=your responsibility. If you can't keep him on your property then you shouldn't have one to begin with.
pensacolalady 10
Amen!
pensacolalady 10
I like your comeback but, you deserve it if you let your dog potty on the neighbors lawn! That's rude!
142_cats 13
I love you.
PurelyCanadian 18
This is driving me crazy - Why would you need YARN to sew?
czeptoks 8
you actually had the audacity to call your neighbor an idiot because your dog shat on his lawn!
sweetbliss3 37
There is no reason your dog needs to be in the neighbors yard. Build a fence or put him on a chain or something. If he's been telling you and you aren't listening, well I agree with him and i would call the cops on you.
kayray11 14
If he wrote you a letter instead of knocking on your door and talking to you, I doubt he has the guts to sue you.