Today, I received a poorly-written letter from my asshole neighbor in which he threatened to "sew" me because my dog shat on his lawn again. I went over, asked if he needed some wool for his sewing, and told him to stop being an idiot. Now he's apparently hiring a lawyer for real. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML
Today, after weeks of asking my neighbor nicely to pick up his dog’s crap out of the common area, I got fed up and reported him to the landlord and the city. He’s now been given two options; either get rid of his dog or move out. He’s now sworn revenge on me, even though he was the one being gross. FML
Today, tired of people letting their dogs crap in my yard, I sprinkled an assortment of crushed peppers around my lawn as a deterrent. One dog went to do its business and had some sort of allergic reaction. Now its bitchy owner is threatening to sue me, and tried to have her daughter kick my ass. FML
Today, I wanted revenge on my neighbor, whose dog craps in my yard, so I spent a day at the dog park gathering up dog shit. I piled it up by the property line and ran over it with the mower, intending to spray his driveway and car with turds. Instead, it gummed up the mower. Now it stinks too bad to fix. FML
Today, I asked my neighbor to kindly move his truck because it blocks my driveway and the side entrance to my yard. He responded by throwing a decapitated bird onto my front lawn and filing an injunction against me for stalking. FML
Today, I stepped into a pile of dog shit on my doorstep, along with a note saying, "Keep your dog out of my yard." I don't own a dog. FML
Today, I watched as my neighbor walked to my front lawn, looked me right in the eye, and pissed on my mailbox. FML
Today, I witnessed my neighbor draining his sewage-clogged plumbing into my backyard. FML
Today, I was screaming at my neighbor to shut his dog up. After 30 minutes of bellowing, he yelled back that it was my dog that was barking. He was right. FML
Today, I found out my dog is a felon. He broke into a neighbor's house by breaking in through the screen door. He also vandalized their property by shitting on their carpet. Our neighbors are now considering suing us. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
You, I like you. That's possibly the best come-back I've ever heard.
SgtAssCheeks 21
Probably called a Lolyer or some shit
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Comments (207)
pwnman 33
Well I can send a sewing machine, but he has to pay.
awilliams44 9
People these days
strongbad1907 5
Better call Saul!
kbecks87 16
Is your dog ******** on his lawn? And if s/he is, are you cleaning it up?
sbjess 8
you're in the wrong to begin, and you compound it by being a smartass. next time, be a responsible pet owner & clean up the shit!
TheAngryPrincess 3
You're kind of a douche OP. Maybe your neighbor is tired of stepping in dog shit.
flashback_fml 14
At least if you get sued you'll still be funny as ****
rety1 13
You sound like an asshole... I hope he's successful with whatever course of action he takes. When people let their dogs poop on my property and then leave it, I wish I knew where they lived so I could give it back to them, in their mailbox or right on their doorstep.. Clean up after your animal; if you can't be bothered to be a decent enough human being to do that much, get rid of the animal and learn a little respect before getting any more...
azyjazy713 11
Try being a good neighbor maybe?
SuperMew 22
Your dog just shat here, and it's real smelly, so pick it up be a good neighbor, maybe?
brezy123 1
you and your crap laden dog deserve whatever you get, irresponsible dog owners like yourself deserve severe fines and your mutt put down!