Today, I received a poorly-written letter from my asshole neighbor in which he threatened to "sew" me because my dog shat on his lawn again. I went over, asked if he needed some wool for his sewing, and told him to stop being an idiot. Now he's apparently hiring a lawyer for real. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML
Today, after weeks of asking my neighbor nicely to pick up his dog’s crap out of the common area, I got fed up and reported him to the landlord and the city. He’s now been given two options; either get rid of his dog or move out. He’s now sworn revenge on me, even though he was the one being gross. FML
Today, tired of people letting their dogs crap in my yard, I sprinkled an assortment of crushed peppers around my lawn as a deterrent. One dog went to do its business and had some sort of allergic reaction. Now its bitchy owner is threatening to sue me, and tried to have her daughter kick my ass. FML
Today, I wanted revenge on my neighbor, whose dog craps in my yard, so I spent a day at the dog park gathering up dog shit. I piled it up by the property line and ran over it with the mower, intending to spray his driveway and car with turds. Instead, it gummed up the mower. Now it stinks too bad to fix. FML
Today, I asked my neighbor to kindly move his truck because it blocks my driveway and the side entrance to my yard. He responded by throwing a decapitated bird onto my front lawn and filing an injunction against me for stalking. FML
Today, I stepped into a pile of dog shit on my doorstep, along with a note saying, "Keep your dog out of my yard." I don't own a dog. FML
Today, I watched as my neighbor walked to my front lawn, looked me right in the eye, and pissed on my mailbox. FML
Today, I witnessed my neighbor draining his sewage-clogged plumbing into my backyard. FML
Today, I was screaming at my neighbor to shut his dog up. After 30 minutes of bellowing, he yelled back that it was my dog that was barking. He was right. FML
Today, I found out my dog is a felon. He broke into a neighbor's house by breaking in through the screen door. He also vandalized their property by shitting on their carpet. Our neighbors are now considering suing us. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
You, I like you. That's possibly the best come-back I've ever heard.
SgtAssCheeks 21
Probably called a Lolyer or some shit
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Comments (207)
picturescrazy 24
Hilarious comeback, but damn, not picking up after your dog is completely inconsiderate. Why should someone have to clean up dog shit from THEIR yard when the don't even own a damn dog? Be a responsible pet owner, please. Don't make others pay the price for your negligence.
katties 27
When we had a neighbour that let his dog shit on our lawn a few years ago. We told him to pick up a couple of times, then he began finding the shit on his front porch.
glabberfasted 16
This FML reminds me of the time I parked in someone else's assigned spot in my complex because they were doing road work and it was the only spot left. I came to my car the next day to find a note saying "Your lucky I didn't key your car." I crossed out 'your' wrote 'you're' and taped it back to their door.
johnpaisley 6
Joke worth it: **** yea
Goblin182 27
HE was wrogn to say he was sewing you. You were wrong to ask if he had wool, you don't sew with wool. You are wrong to let your dog crap on someone elses lawn without cleaning it up. Neighbor 1 You 2 its like golf scoring, you are losing.
sarahjanesmith 12
You can sew with wool how do you think they make pea coats? The wool doesn't magically fasten itself together
Ugi 27
The only thing I take from this is that you let your dog crap on your neighbour's lawn.
jude_iscariot 7
Does he have pictures of your dog doing that? Because if he doesn't, he's just being an idiot. I like the cut of your jib.
ipodofdoom 5
argh, noooo, >>knitting<< requires wool, >>sewing<< uses thread, be it embroidery thread or ordinary thread. The only time you would ever "sew" with wool is if you were using darning needles
Zebediabolical 45
What if you're sewing wool to wool. Or felt to wool like a wool-sock monkey.
Huddisher 10
If your dog does keep pooping on his lawn then maybe it wasn't your place to be smart, but if you don't have a dog or it's not your dog that's leaving fresh fly piles on his lawn, then continue on.
sarahjanesmith 12
Seriously how did you think that would end? I mean it's super funny but I can't imagine you actually thought saying that to your "sew" happy neighbor would de-escalate the situation