Today, I received a poorly-written letter from my asshole neighbor in which he threatened to "sew" me because my dog shat on his lawn again. I went over, asked if he needed some wool for his sewing, and told him to stop being an idiot. Now he's apparently hiring a lawyer for real. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML
Today, after weeks of asking my neighbor nicely to pick up his dog’s crap out of the common area, I got fed up and reported him to the landlord and the city. He’s now been given two options; either get rid of his dog or move out. He’s now sworn revenge on me, even though he was the one being gross. FML
Today, tired of people letting their dogs crap in my yard, I sprinkled an assortment of crushed peppers around my lawn as a deterrent. One dog went to do its business and had some sort of allergic reaction. Now its bitchy owner is threatening to sue me, and tried to have her daughter kick my ass. FML
Today, I wanted revenge on my neighbor, whose dog craps in my yard, so I spent a day at the dog park gathering up dog shit. I piled it up by the property line and ran over it with the mower, intending to spray his driveway and car with turds. Instead, it gummed up the mower. Now it stinks too bad to fix. FML
Today, I asked my neighbor to kindly move his truck because it blocks my driveway and the side entrance to my yard. He responded by throwing a decapitated bird onto my front lawn and filing an injunction against me for stalking. FML
Today, I stepped into a pile of dog shit on my doorstep, along with a note saying, "Keep your dog out of my yard." I don't own a dog. FML
Today, I watched as my neighbor walked to my front lawn, looked me right in the eye, and pissed on my mailbox. FML
Today, I witnessed my neighbor draining his sewage-clogged plumbing into my backyard. FML
Today, I was screaming at my neighbor to shut his dog up. After 30 minutes of bellowing, he yelled back that it was my dog that was barking. He was right. FML
Today, I found out my dog is a felon. He broke into a neighbor's house by breaking in through the screen door. He also vandalized their property by shitting on their carpet. Our neighbors are now considering suing us. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
You, I like you. That's possibly the best come-back I've ever heard.
SgtAssCheeks 21
Probably called a Lolyer or some shit
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Comments (207)
lonelyman36 12
Wow, I hope the lawyer laughs in the neighbors face.
Cynical_1 26
If you've been letting your dog shit on his lawn then that would make YOU the asshole neighbour. I hate irresponsible, inconsiderate, loser, asshat dog owners who think cleaning up after their animal should be everyone else's responsibility but their own! You sir, deserve every bit of grief that man causes you and then some.
FemskyD 26
Muhaha The comment was so worth It though
the_real_dvd 21
Your neighbor's lack of spelling skills does not negate the fact that you are an asshole. Pick up your shit or lawyer up.
kiwifruitred 18
Wow. Do you really expect compassion for that OP? So what, your neighbor can't spell. You're the asshole that's letting their dog shit on other people's lawn. And what exactly did you expect from being a rude smartass to him? You totally deserve it. That's what you get for being an asshole.
JBrownie123 24
You're thinking of knitting. Sewing is something completely different. Sewing you use thread, not wool, that'd be pointless. The comeback would have been good if you got it right.
JETarchitect 32
Can he really sue you for your dog popping on his lawn?? Either way if he's that stupid he probably won't win, and even if he does he would really be losing since he spent so much on a lawyer
amisenho 11
I didn't realize exploding dogs were a common nuisance these days.
tman1985 9
this made me laugh a lot more than it should have, does that make me a bad person?
JETarchitect 32
I hope everything works out!! Keep us updated please :)
alycion 39
Most areas, if you sue someone and win, they also get the joy of paying your legal fees.
lowshadows 21
to be fair, no one likes shit on their lawn. bad spelling or not YDI