Today, I stepped into a pile of dog shit on my doorstep, along with a note saying, "Keep your dog out of my yard." I don't own a dog. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I opened my front door to go out for groceries. Lying on my doorstep was a pile of poop. A piece of paper was taped to the ground beside it that read, "Do it again and you'll get more than dog shit." I don't have the slightest clue who I pissed off, or how. FML
Today, I stepped in a pile of dog shit. While trying to get it off by wiping my foot on the grass, I stepped in another pile. FML
Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML
Today, I stepped in dog shit, barefoot, in my own bathroom. The dog had been outside for two hours earlier, and I'd watched him take a dump. Apparently he was saving some for when he got back in the house. FML
Today, I put out a fire. Sadly, it was on my doorstep because someone had lit a bag of dog poop. FML
Today, I got up at 5am, brushed my teeth, shaved and showered to get ready for work only to step barefoot in a huge pile of dog crap in the middle of my living room floor. I don't own a dog. FML
Today, I heard noises outside my front door. I looked out through the window, only to see my boyfriend encouraging his dog to take a dump on my welcome mat. FML
Today, I came home to find a note on my door from the neighbor saying, "I saw a coyote eat your dog, but was afraid it was rabid." FML
Today, today while walking my dog in a different part of town, a man ran screaming out of his house, and threw a plastic bag at me. It was dog poop. It was the first time I'd ever walked in front of his house with my dog. FML
Today, coming home, I discovered that my dog had left me a beautiful mound of poop in the middle of the corridor. He'd made an effort, though: there was a roll of shredded toilet paper next to it. FML
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Top comments
xXwolflegionXx 8
Take it back to their house and say "keep your shit off my doorstep"
thisisafunnyname 12
hey, sgit happens
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Comments (113)
thisisafunnyname 12
inb4 thats a sgitty situation
thisisafunnyname 12
*shitty
benderbot19 0
Yep. You beat everyone and their sgitty puns.
Lanceeden 12
What a sgitty situation.
thisisafunnyname 12
hey, sgit happens
Liimitless 6
If your going to poison everyones minds with a terrible pun, the least you could do is spell it right.
Torva_fml 16
I can't get tour sgitty comment out of my head.
eyeIoveyou 4
does anyone else check how close together the words on a keyboard are when somebody makes a mistake? :]
benderbot19 0
Np whata keyboarf?
drawmesunshine 17
46? Ejsy str upo ysllomh snpit!
benderbot19 0
You know damn well what I be talkin bout!
pyromania21 0
I think I figured this out ur future neighbors own a time machine and came back to get they're ultimate revenge
DocBastard 40
Liimitless - if you're going to play Grammar Nazi, at least have the courtesy of using the correct form of "you're", using an apostrophe in "everyone's", and spelling your username correctly. Jesus ****.
Shrike 24
Wow, the troll got fed by an FML celebrity. Lucky troll.
GrammarNazzzzzi 6
35 - words? My keyboard only has letters
lovinit5683 0
My keyboard doesn't have only letters, for example it has the word "enter."
VoteForTaco 8
There's alot of shitty comments today :D
KYLAisaBITCH 4
35- I already know where all the keys are. I don't have to check.
graham11 14
*sgitty
Peach3 1
DocBastard: Thank you! There is nothing more irritating than someone correcting another person's grammar while simultaneously using improper grammar themselves!
Justine94_x 31
When the comments are funnier than the fml...
Liimitless 6
Sweet bro. Bet that felt really good. **** you.
boo_bee_fur_me 2
That pun was about as shitty as your spelling..
xXwolflegionXx 8
Take it back to their house and say "keep your shit off my doorstep"
BeefyQueef 5
That's a very uncreative idea.
YayFlameWarz 9
Where does it state the OP knows who put the shit on their doorstep?
coolcaarlos 3
Ha ha ha. I am dying in laughter -_-
nadyy14 8
Lmaooo I would LOVE to see their reactions if that happens!
farnsworth 3
Go take a fat shit on their doorstep and leave a note saying its not dog shit
unitedfan11 0
I agree with 71 but light the shit on fire and ring the doorbell. Then watch as your neighbor stomps on a flaming pile of shit.
rkdstp1995 25
wipe it on the knob on their front door and say "i dont own a dog."
drawmesunshine 17
Figure out whose yard it is, and shit in it.
gregorrok1 0
Take a dump in their mailbox.
obamathellama 0
*Cue the shitty situation jokes.
Saltime 0
Too late...
Awsumuzzie 12
I think what 4 means to say is, "cue the cues".
elenarox 1
ahah have fun cleaning that off ur shoe..
builditbetter09 3
I'd go wipe my shoe off on their ****** doormat and throw the shit all over their car.
lolfood 24
I wonder how many people are gonna make shitty puns?
Ardos 3
Just you so far...
rulezdunmatter 12
Not really. What he said wasn't a pun. And there are a few others, including 1(despite his spelling error) who have already done so.
lolfood 24
Wow, I didn't even realize that I had made a pun LOL
xSonic 9
52.....yes that is a pun. One person might think he meant shitty puns as in horrible puns, while another may think that he was saying shitty puns as in the 'Shitty situation' puns we read all the time
rubberduckie94 13
they were being proactive because they know one day you will one day own a dog
FmyLifeInsurance 1
Yeh you never know like maybe in a week he might get a dog in a week you never know
13linz 1
Did u happen to read ur comment b4 u posted it?! Lmfao
rhysfucker 24
Return the favor, OP...with a note that reads "That's my shit, I don't own a dog". Escalate!!
AdamBasebal69 0
He has a Cockerspaniel though.
head2133 12
Atleast it wasnt on fire (:
Mama_Umbridge 8
Shit on their yard. This is war
bitchslapped22 14
It's going to be one shitty war