Today, I asked my neighbor to kindly move his truck because it blocks my driveway and the side entrance to my yard. He responded by throwing a decapitated bird onto my front lawn and filing an injunction against me for stalking. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after weeks of asking my neighbor nicely to pick up his dog’s crap out of the common area, I got fed up and reported him to the landlord and the city. He’s now been given two options; either get rid of his dog or move out. He’s now sworn revenge on me, even though he was the one being gross. FML
Today, after a few months of my neighbor's friend parking outside his house and honking until he came outside, I happened to be out doing lawn work. I politely screamed, "STOP HONKING YOUR F***ING HORN!" To which they responded by moving in front of MY house and holding down their horn. I hate people. FML
Today, I confronted my lousy, loud, messy neighbors about the trash they throw in my yard. They responded by throwing my trash in their yard, then called the police to report me for vandalism and illegal dumping when I returned their trash. Guess who has a court appearance in two weeks… FML
Today, some guy hit my car and then threatened to sue me for "parking my car in such a way that it was impossible not to hit it." My car was in the driveway. FML
Today, I watched as my neighbor walked to my front lawn, looked me right in the eye, and pissed on my mailbox. FML
Today, I decided to clear up some storm damage. I carefully cut a tree that was threatening to fall on my house. It fell on my neighbor's house instead. He's taking me to court for damages. FML
Today, my neighbors threatened to sue me because a six-foot branch fell off one of my trees and into their yard, hitting nothing on the way down. FML
Today, a guy who lives in my condo complex threatened to take my husband and me to small claims court. Why? He was mad about the $300 fine to get his truck back after it was towed, because he was parked in our spot. FML
Today, my neighbor yelled “Fuck you!” at me through his window. My crime? Closing my front door “too loud.” This man lets his children beat on the walls and slam doors but apparently I’m the problem. FML
Today, my neighbor yelled at me because, according to him, the sound of me scraping the ice off my windshield wakes him up every morning. This is the same neighbor who ran over my mailbox last week because there was too much snow on his windows to see properly. FML
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Top comments
ohsnapword 21
If he is blocking your driveway, you can have his truck towed.
dexter420 21
Stick the bird in his tail pipe. Or the trucks
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Comments (26)
interesting33 37
what type of bird was it?
ThrottleJockey 36
A decapitated one, duh!
Chazzster 32
Neighborhood conflicts - It’s better to prevent them than to sort them out once they start. It would be interesting to know exactly what OP said to the neighbor and how it was said before assuming that the neighbor is just an insane A-hole. (And neighbor might be just that.) Once things get heated, it’s very hard to calm things down. We cannot fix OP’s problem with their neighbor. But this is a good example of why it’s best to start off on a pleasant tone with your neighbors.
rebelwithmouseyhair 18
the word "kindly" gives us a clue
OH_HappyDays 14
Well the fact that he threw a DECAPITATED bird just doesn't scream sane.
ohsnapword 21
If he is blocking your driveway, you can have his truck towed.
RichardPencil 32
The court will go easy on you because you’re not a very good stalker. If you were, he’d have found the decapitated bird on the driver’s seat of his truck. That’s how you stalk!
dexter420 21
Stick the bird in his tail pipe. Or the trucks
BiGTiMeNeRD 29
The ol' bird in the tailpipe trick?
Lisa Alexandria 10
Awesome idea and if you have disposed of the bird already you can shoved hotdog buns up there too. Or stick boloney all over his paint, it will ruin his car. Just make sure there no cameras. You can also put the yellow pages from the phone book (if you can find one) all over his lawn and turn the sprinklers on, it will turn his grass yellow. Good luck!
Jbm8740 2
Petey didn’t have a head!
Zekfen 17
I think William Wallace had a good response to this type of thing. Two questions, do you have access to a horse? And do you have a ball and chain?
RichardPencil 32
I was thinking about Vito Corleone. His plan also had a horse in it!
Luke16eirb7deneuwn1 20
Two can play that game....
TheJawsman 18
"Well, that escalated quickly."
Davros 12
alright, I've got an idea but were gonna need a forklift, a blow up sex doll, and a gallon of cottage cheese.
Chris Mckinney 3
I'm in. what's the plan?
Lobby_Bee 18
I got the sex doll part covered, albeit used.