Today, I found out my dog is a felon. He broke into a neighbor's house by breaking in through the screen door. He also vandalized their property by shitting on their carpet. Our neighbors are now considering suing us. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I called the police because I thought a burglar had broken into our house. I found out the strange noise was just my dog fucking about, so I smashed a small window and kicked down a door so I wouldn't be embarrassed. FML
Today, I punished my new dog for taking a shit inside by putting him in the kennel. He punished me by breaking out of the kennel and destroying everything in my house. Including Christmas presents. FML
Today, my dog ran away. Luckily my neighbors caught him before he got too far. Now they won't give him back because they think I did something to him to make him want to run away. FML
Today, my boyfriend's vicious dog, which he got as a security measure and growls and barks at me whenever I go near it, was caught on our security camera playing like a puppy with a burglar, while the other two burglars cleaned out all our valuables. FML
Today, while on my run, I was attacked by my neighbor's new dog. It apparently didn't like me running past their house and broke free from its chain. I now have stitches and was just told that I'm probably being taken to court for the emotional distress I caused her and the dog. FML
Today, my now ex-boyfriend got us evicted. The lazy prick kept throwing dog poop onto the neighbors' patio instead of disposing it properly. Management told him he could either get rid of the dog or we had to go. My ex refused and slammed the door in his face. The lease is in my name, so my credit is fucked. FML
Today, my escape artist of a dog got out. She not only chased someone else's cat into someone else's house, but promptly defecated all over their living room floor out of excitement. That's one way to meet the new neighbors. FML
Today, I had to call the cops on my batshit crazy neighbor, who’s repeatedly threatened to steal my dog. I finally got her ass on camera. She swears that my dog is being abused because it prefers to sleep outside instead of being in the house. Imagine that, an animal that likes being outside. FML
Today, my dog was barking at a squirrel in the yard. I opened the door to let him chase the squirrel. I went to look at the dead squirrel and found out it was the neighbor's chihuahua. FML
Today, my ex-boyfriend was granted parole, community service, and “rehabilitation” for the crime of breaking into my house, kidnapping my dog and killing her while I was at work, as retaliation for me breaking up with him. FML
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Top comments
AmbrosiaFan 19
You should be paying for a new screen door, cleaning the carpet he pooped on, and enforcing your property so the dog doesn't escape again.
kyphur 6
why do they need to even consider a lawsuit? You are required to maintain control of your dog at all times, that it escaped your property to be able to do this puts you at fault. Not offering to pay for the damage shows you don't take that responsibility seriously
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Comments (11)
AmbrosiaFan 19
You should be paying for a new screen door, cleaning the carpet he pooped on, and enforcing your property so the dog doesn't escape again.
kyphur 6
why do they need to even consider a lawsuit? You are required to maintain control of your dog at all times, that it escaped your property to be able to do this puts you at fault. Not offering to pay for the damage shows you don't take that responsibility seriously
RichardPencil 32
You're mixing legal terms. Suing is civil and a felon is a criminal. Your neighbors should give you a bill for the damage, and if it's reasonable, you should pay it.
JackWood 21
Actually you are the felon. You didn't control your dog.
bl3ur0z3 17
If your dog is at least 2 and a half (ish) human years old then they are over the age of 18 and legally an adult, therefore responsible for their own actions. Tell them to sue the dog.
WistayShlaio82 13
They say that animals take after their human, people’s pets show who their human truly is
mekiswrite 21
This would be small claims, but it would be such a small amount that there's no point in bringing it to court. Just pay for what your dog destroyed.
1josh44 4
Dogs are innocent assholes haha
GalaxyGirl1123_fml 14
I understand that you should clean up after your dog and help financially to fix the damage, but suing... why?
icecreamisrad 13
Can I borrow your dog to do this to my neighbors pleeeeease!!!!!