Today, I received a poorly-written letter from my asshole neighbor in which he threatened to "sew" me because my dog shat on his lawn again. I went over, asked if he needed some wool for his sewing, and told him to stop being an idiot. Now he's apparently hiring a lawyer for real. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML
Today, after weeks of asking my neighbor nicely to pick up his dog’s crap out of the common area, I got fed up and reported him to the landlord and the city. He’s now been given two options; either get rid of his dog or move out. He’s now sworn revenge on me, even though he was the one being gross. FML
Today, tired of people letting their dogs crap in my yard, I sprinkled an assortment of crushed peppers around my lawn as a deterrent. One dog went to do its business and had some sort of allergic reaction. Now its bitchy owner is threatening to sue me, and tried to have her daughter kick my ass. FML
Today, I wanted revenge on my neighbor, whose dog craps in my yard, so I spent a day at the dog park gathering up dog shit. I piled it up by the property line and ran over it with the mower, intending to spray his driveway and car with turds. Instead, it gummed up the mower. Now it stinks too bad to fix. FML
Today, I asked my neighbor to kindly move his truck because it blocks my driveway and the side entrance to my yard. He responded by throwing a decapitated bird onto my front lawn and filing an injunction against me for stalking. FML
Today, I stepped into a pile of dog shit on my doorstep, along with a note saying, "Keep your dog out of my yard." I don't own a dog. FML
Today, I watched as my neighbor walked to my front lawn, looked me right in the eye, and pissed on my mailbox. FML
Today, I witnessed my neighbor draining his sewage-clogged plumbing into my backyard. FML
Today, I was screaming at my neighbor to shut his dog up. After 30 minutes of bellowing, he yelled back that it was my dog that was barking. He was right. FML
Today, I found out my dog is a felon. He broke into a neighbor's house by breaking in through the screen door. He also vandalized their property by shitting on their carpet. Our neighbors are now considering suing us. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
You, I like you. That's possibly the best come-back I've ever heard.
SgtAssCheeks 21
Probably called a Lolyer or some shit
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Comments (207)
kittylorelli 1
Do you not sew with thread and knit with wool???
lauraamyyx 2
This is hilarious!
ileenefudge 29
You deserve it. The bad spelling is annoying but if your dog is truly pooping on his lawn than be a responsible dog owner and pick up after your dog. I would be mad too. And you call him the idiot. Clean up after your dog or don't own one. He's an idiot because he can't spell and you are an ass because you seem to be letting it happen on purpose. Control your dog.
poopshootmagoot 2
Keep your dog out of his yard. Your lucky, if it were me I would of shot it in the face.
LifeOfAnRN 18
I doubt he can sue you. I mean wouldn't there need to be DNA tests, ect? And it is an animal so you can't really stop him from going but you should clean up after him. You may get fined but sued, I doubt that.
mac8080 7
I'm pretty sure he wasn't in the mood for ur comeback but well played
kalbrek009 20
If you do in fact have a dog, you need to stop letting it deficate on his lawn...most cities/states have laws that require you to do just that (due to the fact that it is considered a bio hazardous material)...you wouldn't be happy if he crapped on your lawn...so, regardless of his poor grammar,(I'd hire a lawyer too against you being lazy like that). Grab a bag when you let your dog out (on a leash & in YOUR yard) & pick that sh*t up like you should, please.
emeraldmaz 9
You lost me at "wool for his sewing." Admittedly, there is wool fabric and you can TECHNICALLY sew with wool yarn and a large needle, but a better comeback would have been offering something along the line of a spool of thread or the like.
iloathemypants 1
you're actually wrong here, what kind of asshole lets their dog shit on someone else's lawn
leung112 6
not good