Today, I received a poorly-written letter from my asshole neighbor in which he threatened to "sew" me because my dog shat on his lawn again. I went over, asked if he needed some wool for his sewing, and told him to stop being an idiot. Now he's apparently hiring a lawyer for real. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML
Today, after weeks of asking my neighbor nicely to pick up his dog’s crap out of the common area, I got fed up and reported him to the landlord and the city. He’s now been given two options; either get rid of his dog or move out. He’s now sworn revenge on me, even though he was the one being gross. FML
Today, tired of people letting their dogs crap in my yard, I sprinkled an assortment of crushed peppers around my lawn as a deterrent. One dog went to do its business and had some sort of allergic reaction. Now its bitchy owner is threatening to sue me, and tried to have her daughter kick my ass. FML
Today, I wanted revenge on my neighbor, whose dog craps in my yard, so I spent a day at the dog park gathering up dog shit. I piled it up by the property line and ran over it with the mower, intending to spray his driveway and car with turds. Instead, it gummed up the mower. Now it stinks too bad to fix. FML
Today, I asked my neighbor to kindly move his truck because it blocks my driveway and the side entrance to my yard. He responded by throwing a decapitated bird onto my front lawn and filing an injunction against me for stalking. FML
Today, I stepped into a pile of dog shit on my doorstep, along with a note saying, "Keep your dog out of my yard." I don't own a dog. FML
Today, I watched as my neighbor walked to my front lawn, looked me right in the eye, and pissed on my mailbox. FML
Today, I witnessed my neighbor draining his sewage-clogged plumbing into my backyard. FML
Today, I was screaming at my neighbor to shut his dog up. After 30 minutes of bellowing, he yelled back that it was my dog that was barking. He was right. FML
Today, I found out my dog is a felon. He broke into a neighbor's house by breaking in through the screen door. He also vandalized their property by shitting on their carpet. Our neighbors are now considering suing us. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
You, I like you. That's possibly the best come-back I've ever heard.
SgtAssCheeks 21
Probably called a Lolyer or some shit
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Comments (207)
SuperMew 22
This was very hilarious. However, it is truly annoying when people let their animals defecate on my lawn without picking it up. Not fun when I have to mow the lawn and step in it. I am not saying your neighbor is being a mature adult about it, however if he has asked you to stop doing it, then maybe take a plastic bag or walk your dog in a different direction. Yeah, it is an animal and they poop where they will, but it is still annoying. Other than that, you sound like a hilarious person.
rinoa_fml 10
While that is a good comeback to his idiocy, if you are allowing your dog to crap on his lawn then you deserve to be prosecuted and pay fines until you learn personal responsibility and respect for others' property.
alfalfalaffa 17
Oddly enough, people generally don't like it when your rub their own stupidity in their face.
Dark_Stream 29
YDI. Keep your filthy dog shit on your own property. Or pick it up - promptly. Try putting up a fence, or using an invisible fence to keep you shit factory at home.
frizz101 22
You sound like a cat person. But yeah people should pick up after their animals.
Dark_Stream 29
I am, but I won't let them bury surprises among your flowers.
sempiternal80816 9
xD SHIT FACTORY LMAO
Lukcia 5
He must have been sewper serious about getting a lawyer.
glabberfasted 16
He's super serial
foxy_grampa 19
I don't see him getting too far with this. Especially if you keep the letter, in which case the instructions weren't clear
owhyowhy 4
I like what you did there
jazs1mba 3
Well no need to worry the "case" is so stupid that it probs won't be a big deal
G_bear24 9
Don't worry the lawyer is just to help him sew!
alycion 39
A good lawyer will have him contact animal control who will enforce the picking up after your dog thing. I have dog bags everywhere. In my car. With the leash. I keep some for my pocket when I'm out with mine. The waste can transmit disease. He has no way of knowing if your dog is up to date on vaccines. If your dog got out and did it, go pick it up. If you are letting your dog do it, bad spelling or not he has the right to be mad. If he's wrongfully assuming it is your dog, try to clear things up. I was told to be careful around all animal waste when I was put on immune suppressants. Having a neighbor let his dog take a crap on my lawn would make me furious too.