Today, I received a poorly-written letter from my asshole neighbor in which he threatened to "sew" me because my dog shat on his lawn again. I went over, asked if he needed some wool for his sewing, and told him to stop being an idiot. Now he's apparently hiring a lawyer for real. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML
Today, after weeks of asking my neighbor nicely to pick up his dog’s crap out of the common area, I got fed up and reported him to the landlord and the city. He’s now been given two options; either get rid of his dog or move out. He’s now sworn revenge on me, even though he was the one being gross. FML
Today, tired of people letting their dogs crap in my yard, I sprinkled an assortment of crushed peppers around my lawn as a deterrent. One dog went to do its business and had some sort of allergic reaction. Now its bitchy owner is threatening to sue me, and tried to have her daughter kick my ass. FML
Today, I wanted revenge on my neighbor, whose dog craps in my yard, so I spent a day at the dog park gathering up dog shit. I piled it up by the property line and ran over it with the mower, intending to spray his driveway and car with turds. Instead, it gummed up the mower. Now it stinks too bad to fix. FML
Today, I asked my neighbor to kindly move his truck because it blocks my driveway and the side entrance to my yard. He responded by throwing a decapitated bird onto my front lawn and filing an injunction against me for stalking. FML
Today, I stepped into a pile of dog shit on my doorstep, along with a note saying, "Keep your dog out of my yard." I don't own a dog. FML
Today, I watched as my neighbor walked to my front lawn, looked me right in the eye, and pissed on my mailbox. FML
Today, I witnessed my neighbor draining his sewage-clogged plumbing into my backyard. FML
Today, I was screaming at my neighbor to shut his dog up. After 30 minutes of bellowing, he yelled back that it was my dog that was barking. He was right. FML
Today, I found out my dog is a felon. He broke into a neighbor's house by breaking in through the screen door. He also vandalized their property by shitting on their carpet. Our neighbors are now considering suing us. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
You, I like you. That's possibly the best come-back I've ever heard.
SgtAssCheeks 21
Probably called a Lolyer or some shit
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Comments (207)
pikapikalove 5
Sounds like a shitty situation. ...No?
murdersquirrel 15
definitely no.
jc10x 8
At least be original if you are trying to make a stupid pun.
snugglesMcGee199 23
Yeah, it's practically an institution now.
tman1985 9
would shitty conundrum work better?
XxDanno316xX 27
Wouldn't you just keep your dog and it's "shat" on your own property... You know ... Like a responsible pet owner?
KK3137 31
It's "shat"? You know "shat" is the past tense of the verb shit, right?
JustinKirby 20
You have every right to make fun of your neighbors spelling but come on man if you want to have a dog pick up it's crap it's not hard.
tman1985 9
sometimes it is
Rizzen 27
ok, its official, that neighbor is a damn idiot. He also should know the difference of 'sewing' from 'suing'
klovemachine 24
He deserves to have his yard full of poop! Neighbor + stupid = Loser
ClashParody 21
... I honestly hope I never have either of you, or anyone like you, or a neighbor.
purebliss_fml 19
I wouldn't be too concerned. I don't know of anyone being sued because their dog performed a natural bodily function on someone else's lawn. Perhaps in future you should keep plastic bags on you when you take your dog outside so that you can dispose of the waste. Just for some added reassurance, I'm not sure how successful your neighbour will be in obtaining a successful lawyer for this 'special' case if his literacy skills are equal to a 5 year olds.
murdersquirrel 15
proficiency in spelling is actually not a prerequisite in obtaining a lawyer.
ApacheC424 18
If I was a lawyer I'd take the case. It's an easy waste of time for sure, but that'd be free money for me. This guy could get what, a hundred dollars? Either way I could charge a thousand or two...... So OP don't worry. He'll lose more then he'd gain.
feelingold 18
Ermmmm it is actually illegal in many countries to let your dog shit and not clean it up. Get some knowledge.
glabberfasted 16
I'm sorry, but dog feces can transmit a number of diseases and parasites. If another dog happened to pick up something from this, OP should sure as shit be responsible for any vet bills.
Zebediabolical 45
Any lawyer worth his salt will make sure to add 'lawyer and court fees' to the complaint.
JulianaBlackburn 19
YDI for letting your dog shit on his lawn, if that really is the case
klovemachine 24
No
carelessxdanger 9
let him try to find one that will take on his case. they will get laughed at right out of the office.
NoFightinDestiny 9
Oh my god, you're a king.
limitedition 25
That's good. He can waste money on his stupidity instead of just your time
mind_geek 15
Offense, but you're an asshole. Your dog shat in his yard. It's your responsibility to clean up after your dog. Going over and making fun of his spelling isn't going to help your case either. YDI. And try to be nice to people. Not everyone is as "smart" as you.