Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he said that I should go to the bathroom so we don't end up pregnant. When I asked why, he said that I need to "pee out the semen." I explained to him 5 times that I don't pee out of my vagina. He still doesn't get it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I yet again had to explain to my boyfriend that, yes, I can get pregnant even if I don't actually have an orgasm. FML
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Right as I was really getting into it, he pauses, frowns, and says, "I think I see the pee hole." FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I was ovulating. He said he didn't want to have sex because he was afraid of getting eggs on his penis. He then compared it to having sex with a fish. FML
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that the reason I don't want to stay overnight at his house is because I still occasionally wet the bed. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I've missed my period, and that I think I might be pregnant. He started panicking and ended up puking in the toilet. FML
Today, I finally had sex with the guy I like, but I had to pee really bad. It got really wet down there, and he thought I squirted. I peed everywhere. I let him believe he made me squirt. FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. Right after, he left the room and went to the bathroom to throw up. FML
Today, my long-distance boyfriend told me that he was going to pee on me to "mark his territory." When I told him that it was disgusting, he said, "last time, I just peed on you in the shower." FML
Today, I went to give my boyfriend head, and his dick tasted like condoms. I'm 5 months pregnant, we obviously don't use condoms. He got scared when I stopped and told him, then he got mad at me. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me how women could urinate with a tampon in. FML
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Top comments
NotYourOrdinary7 6
If he doesn't want you to become pregnant, some sort of contraception should have been used.
Moep20 24
I am sorry that you have such a dumb boyfriend D: Try explaining it to him with pictures maybe? Let him see for himself that there are two openings?
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Comments (319)
Crazydevil_fml 0
wait. u really don't pee out the ******? where do u pee out of then?
outstandtacular 11
Google would have saved you from sounding like an idiot.
Dracoboxer357 36
21- Well, google might have saved him this one time. I have a feeling in general, he still has a long way to go. ;)
gabrayal 10
The tip of their index fingers.
DocBastard 40
Crazydevil - Google "urethra". I'm sure you'll find some helpful diagrams.
Guilty21 3
Isn't the urethra in the ******?
doctorhook86 25
225: The urethra is a part of the area people call "the pussy", but the thing actually called "a ******" is a separate specific thing that plays no role in peeing. Google.
shadowsorel 15
Wait. They don't piss out of there?
KiddNYC1O 22
You're 21... It's about time you were informed.
shadowsorel 15
I posted that as a joke. Please accept my sincere apologies. By the way, I'm 19.
KiddNYC1O 22
There really should be a sarcasm/joke font. Hehe.
anaccaivy 1
No,you dumb shit
Welshite 40
Okay I can understand his initial confusion, but explaining it FIVE times to him? That just makes him an idiot.
deusbag 5
Lost faith in humanity upon reading this
S182 15
Rape, faith in humanity maintained. Murder? Yep... Still have faith... Adultery? Who gives ****. .. Wait, a guy i dont know didnt know where a woman's piss comes from? It must be the end times...
pie_flavor 16
Unburied, ur welcome
ElishaisSexy2016 9
I think he needs a diagram lol
sannah_fml 8
Your boyfriend's last name doesn't happen to be Akin, does it?
m_2_teh_c 6
Been there, done that.
doodlecloud 27
I agree, it sucks that your dating a dumbass. However, you kinda deserve it for not already realising he was a dumbass and you definitely deserve it if you weren't using any other form of protection.
jellyD 1
Op, sadly we 'muricans are quite ignorant in many and especially sexual areas. I cry for the USA daily as I read and hear these and other stories. My best to you!
lacespace 8
Speak for yourself shit head. I know my ****.
annie_nk 23
Not every FML is from America. And for the love of God, we aren't all helplessly stupid.
lacespace 8
Indeed, but thank you for supporting the stereotype. Along with being an America yourself degrading Americans, really deepening the retardation factor.
ulis_fml 6
Lacespace you are the type of person who makes Americans look like morons.
robin23 8
apparently 'muricans don't like to be talked down on
jazzyjazz23 9
I wouldn't have sex with him if I were you. What if you get pregnant and your kids come out like him.
jesustitts 20
It's a little late to think of that. She already had sex with him.
jazzyjazz23 9
What I meant was that I wouldn't keep on having sex with him. She hasn't stated that she is pregnant so it's not too late.
saffy66 34
I sure hope she isn't pregnant because I think they're both wading in the shallow end of the gene pool.