Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob for the first time. This is the moment he chooses to exclaim, "Wow, you really do have a lot of dandruff!" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I kissed my gorgeous new boyfriend for the first time. I ran my hands through his hair; a multitude of dandruff rained out and five lice crawled onto my hand. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob for the first time. He came. A lot. I doubt I'll remember it as anything other than, "The day I found out what sneezing semen feels like." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said, "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML
Today, I told my boyfriend of two years that he was my first kiss. His reply? I was the first person he ever whacked off to. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML
Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be honest, this is TERRIBLE." FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML
Today, my boyfriend wanted a blowjob, shortly after we've started dating. He said to be careful because he blows a massive load. Thinking he's full of crap, I rolled my eyes and got to work. Had him going and then a massive load shot down my throat and a bunch of fire hoses sprayed out my nose. It burned so bad. FML
Today, my boyfriend actually remembered our anniversary. Not our anniversary of being together, which he forgot last month, but the anniversary of him getting his first blowjob from me. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend repeatedly whispering in my ear, "You want to give me a blowjob". Yes, he actually thought it would work. FML
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Top comments
TraceCase_ 19
Guess the next time he's looking for a BJ, you're gonna be busy washing your hair. Seriously though...try some Head and Shoulders
a_cassie 4
that's kind of awkward
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Comments (268)
the_johawk 0
uh, #17..... whats wrong with you?
skitzofreniks 5
he's human...? welcome to the Internet.
CitrusGirl 0
He said jk Read the whole post before you knock the poster :)
EddieBlake 0
Selsun blue. LOL.
Wheredidgrungego 12
Instantly flaccid.
dirtyblond 4
hahahahaha
hossjosh 1
59 how come your name is dirty blonde if you have brown hair, that hair must be really dirty to get that color.
xITZxTuRtLeX 0
it died once nirvana died:(
5t3ff1k4h 47
Because dirty blonde hair technically is brown hair?
skitzofreniks 5
I would have at least been discreet about it. I would have blown my load in your hair and then joked about you having dandruff, then said "oh wait, you actually do have some".
shift_love 13
sucks for her huh? more like SUCKS for him
shift_love 13
you should have told him he had dandruff in his pubes
yuggi1 11
If she see white stuff moving around in his pubes, is not dandruff. It's lice- or some form of lice.
dirtyblond 4
crabs? o_O
5t3ff1k4h 47
It could be lice (or some form of) or it could be flaky dry skin. Oh wait, that must mean it's possible to have a dandruff-like skin condition in the genital area.
kykyshay 0
head & shoulders
Barney_Rubble_75 0
was his next remark a blood curdling scream of, "And my what sharp teeth you have..."?
SuperNova69 0
atleast you don't have lice?
cass2345 0
haha wow that must suck for you and embarrassing