Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob for the first time. He came. A lot. I doubt I'll remember it as anything other than, "The day I found out what sneezing semen feels like." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. After about five minutes, he sneezes violently on me. I don't know what's worse, him getting snot all over my intimate bits or the fact that the sneeze felt better then what he was doing. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob for the first time. This is the moment he chooses to exclaim, "Wow, you really do have a lot of dandruff!" FML
Today, my boyfriend got so happy when he thought he'd finally given me an orgasm. I was covering an urge to sneeze. FML
Today, I witnessed my boyfriend sneeze in his hands, and then lick it. FML
Today, when my boyfriend was about to orgasm, I suddenly sneezed all over his face. FML
Today, my boyfriend wanted a blowjob, shortly after we've started dating. He said to be careful because he blows a massive load. Thinking he's full of crap, I rolled my eyes and got to work. Had him going and then a massive load shot down my throat and a bunch of fire hoses sprayed out my nose. It burned so bad. FML
Today, my boyfriend actually remembered our anniversary. Not our anniversary of being together, which he forgot last month, but the anniversary of him getting his first blowjob from me. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML
Today, I told my boyfriend of two years that he was my first kiss. His reply? I was the first person he ever whacked off to. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said, "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML
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Top comments
ComoEsJuan 24
That's snot good.
UnidentifiedFun 37
Upon reading this FML I think I cringed harder than I ever have in my entire life. Fyl
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Comments (129)
ComoEsJuan 24
That's snot good.
derangedplanet 23
cum on? seriously with the puns again...:)))
Railroader 16
You just blew it
MissMollie_85 12
Don't overerect!
coops456 14
This comment chain was spectacular
PhinIt2WinIt 24
*clap*fap*clap*
countryguy91290 16
Why is every one getting all spunky about it?
katachristic 19
Don't worry, it'll all blow over soon
derangedplanet 23
@80 how does that even work? do puns about girls sneezing cum on you turn you on? I've never really understood those jokes unless they're severely ironic.
Timmip12 9
Are you dumb
corky1992 33
Gross lol.
joeyl2008 29
Yeah it is. I think I'm going to stop sucking dick.
Mathalamus 25
Agreed. Hence why I banned ******** for me in perpetuity.
Hammer1722 19
Just cause it happened to one person doesn't mean it will happen to you.
Kinglue 17
Ahhh... C'mon you blew it...
cheeology 22
Well, Atleast you had 1/7th of an ****** too?
Xion0014 20
I thought sneezing was 1/10th of an ****** xD
cheeology 22
Ugh I thought it was 1/6th... who knows anymore!
derangedplanet 23
You're probably right....this sounds like a horrifying experience. I can't imagine it would feel good...plus it probably wouldn't all come out...awgh that'd be awful. worse than sneezing ramen
DarkusOmegaX 14
How would you go about sneezing Ramen? It sounds like it hurts.
KK3137 31
You eat it and then sneeze while it's still in your mouth. It happened to me while eating spaghetti bolognese, the pasta and meat went up into (and partly out of) my nose.
Bloodmorphed 7
I sneezed out eggs before. was in a hurry to get to school so eating in the car. sneezed egg everywhere was funny as hell.
Xion0014 20
I once sneezed grains of rice out of my nose xD
PhinIt2WinIt 24
i hate rice in your nose .... but i once was drinking root beer that was fresh, but it fizzed up and went up and out my nose... also painful
najraa 19
You should try sneezing when you have to throw up.. It was a very long time ago but i remember it like it was yesterday. The horror.
oiler 21
I remember having a bloody mouth. then sneezing out blood. It was horrid
derangedplanet 23
I have done every subject in this list. but I have never sneezed semen. hahaha. but dear god did I not mean to start this but what a beauty.
Vegan_Cannibal 19
I've accidentally done every single one in this list. With rice, meat, while drinking something... Including the semen. It's not nice, I can assure you. But the worst part, undoubtedly, is feeling sticky inside your nose and be unable reach it and clean.
Mr_Swazi 11
Well that backfired on him...
xTommytheGUNx 15
you joke was under appreciated you deserve more thumbs up
Bob_Gray 6
Listen, I can only get so erect...
nonsensical 26
Could you tell where the snot ended and the cum began?
PePziNL 20
That is one of the most poetic sentences I've ever read.
UnidentifiedFun 37
Upon reading this FML I think I cringed harder than I ever have in my entire life. Fyl
Kielnmsoftly 26
Why? I mean yeah that'd suck but old memes burn worse.
shortcake18 15
At least now she nose