Today, I heard noises outside my front door. I looked out through the window, only to see my boyfriend encouraging his dog to take a dump on my welcome mat. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I invited my boyfriend over to meet my new puppy. My dog decided to take a dump on his lap. He is now not talking to me because he thinks I trained my dog to do that. FML
Today, I stepped into a pile of dog shit on my doorstep, along with a note saying, "Keep your dog out of my yard." I don't own a dog. FML
Today, I came home to find that my dog had taken a dump on my bed. I quickly put on my house shoes to avoid possibly stepping on any other of his turds. I felt something squish all over my right foot. He'd also taken a dump in my house shoe. FML
Today, I stepped in dog shit, barefoot, in my own bathroom. The dog had been outside for two hours earlier, and I'd watched him take a dump. Apparently he was saving some for when he got back in the house. FML
Today, as I sat on the toilet, I heard a noise outside. I peered through the window and found myself staring directly at my neighbor. FML
Today, I opened my front door to go out for groceries. Lying on my doorstep was a pile of poop. A piece of paper was taped to the ground beside it that read, "Do it again and you'll get more than dog shit." I don't have the slightest clue who I pissed off, or how. FML
Today, I woke up to a homeless man relentlessly shitting on my porch. FML
Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML
Today, I was over at my boyfriend's house and I heard a strange sound. I laughed and said, "It sounds like a dog throwing up!" He listened for a second and said, "That's my mom crying downstairs." FML
Today, my roommate let his dog out. Not even five minutes later, she walked into my room and dropped a deuce. FML
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Top comments
HowAreYouToday 34
He's a shitty boyfriend.
davek 36
He should consider himself, erm, dumped?
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Comments (108)
lukehalper 4
Bitch swerve yo pussy jus got crucified
XxwumboxX 3
Wow, you ma'am have a very shitty boyfriend
ctchan2381 5
MEN...thats all that needs to be said
theworldismad 10
wow he's a keeper for sure :/
ScenicSubterfuge 39
Haha, you're welcome!!
dakatabg 31
What a boyfriend
rebel501 4
Funny if u joke like that but if ur not one to joke. I'm sorry.
ouimetnick 10
You should encourage him to clean it up!
dogger2001 6
I hope is dog took the biggest fucken shit that's ever come out its ass
staroftexas9 3
Shit.. Sit , they sound similar.