Today, I heard noises outside my front door. I looked out through the window, only to see my boyfriend encouraging his dog to take a dump on my welcome mat. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I invited my boyfriend over to meet my new puppy. My dog decided to take a dump on his lap. He is now not talking to me because he thinks I trained my dog to do that. FML
Today, I stepped into a pile of dog shit on my doorstep, along with a note saying, "Keep your dog out of my yard." I don't own a dog. FML
Today, I came home to find that my dog had taken a dump on my bed. I quickly put on my house shoes to avoid possibly stepping on any other of his turds. I felt something squish all over my right foot. He'd also taken a dump in my house shoe. FML
Today, I stepped in dog shit, barefoot, in my own bathroom. The dog had been outside for two hours earlier, and I'd watched him take a dump. Apparently he was saving some for when he got back in the house. FML
Today, as I sat on the toilet, I heard a noise outside. I peered through the window and found myself staring directly at my neighbor. FML
Today, I opened my front door to go out for groceries. Lying on my doorstep was a pile of poop. A piece of paper was taped to the ground beside it that read, "Do it again and you'll get more than dog shit." I don't have the slightest clue who I pissed off, or how. FML
Today, I woke up to a homeless man relentlessly shitting on my porch. FML
Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML
Today, I was over at my boyfriend's house and I heard a strange sound. I laughed and said, "It sounds like a dog throwing up!" He listened for a second and said, "That's my mom crying downstairs." FML
Today, my roommate let his dog out. Not even five minutes later, she walked into my room and dropped a deuce. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
HowAreYouToday 34
He's a shitty boyfriend.
davek 36
He should consider himself, erm, dumped?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (108)
syrini 7
It's the thought that counts. (atleast I didn't make a shit joke)
rt567 15
wow, pretty cruel, I'd say that's a deal breaker op.
ManicGypsy 22
Out of curiosity, was he aware that he was your boyfriend? I'm sorry, but this is just the first thought that popped into my head.
yeongji 31
Did I read it correctly? Boyfriend? You forget the "ex" in front, right?
chenzki_fp 6
Well it does say "welcome"
str0ngersurviv0r 5
why did you decide to date him?
freshko21 6
Your bf must not like your welcome matt.
olpally 33
Pick up the welcome mat with the shit on there and smear it all over his face!
MoroseMoose 47
Best idea yet!
mn_shr 22
Wow, that's sweet of your boyfriend.
xALEXx_fml 15
That's dog