Today, I heard noises outside my front door. I looked out through the window, only to see my boyfriend encouraging his dog to take a dump on my welcome mat. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I invited my boyfriend over to meet my new puppy. My dog decided to take a dump on his lap. He is now not talking to me because he thinks I trained my dog to do that. FML
Today, I stepped into a pile of dog shit on my doorstep, along with a note saying, "Keep your dog out of my yard." I don't own a dog. FML
Today, I came home to find that my dog had taken a dump on my bed. I quickly put on my house shoes to avoid possibly stepping on any other of his turds. I felt something squish all over my right foot. He'd also taken a dump in my house shoe. FML
Today, I stepped in dog shit, barefoot, in my own bathroom. The dog had been outside for two hours earlier, and I'd watched him take a dump. Apparently he was saving some for when he got back in the house. FML
Today, as I sat on the toilet, I heard a noise outside. I peered through the window and found myself staring directly at my neighbor. FML
Today, I opened my front door to go out for groceries. Lying on my doorstep was a pile of poop. A piece of paper was taped to the ground beside it that read, "Do it again and you'll get more than dog shit." I don't have the slightest clue who I pissed off, or how. FML
Today, I woke up to a homeless man relentlessly shitting on my porch. FML
Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML
Today, I was over at my boyfriend's house and I heard a strange sound. I laughed and said, "It sounds like a dog throwing up!" He listened for a second and said, "That's my mom crying downstairs." FML
Today, my roommate let his dog out. Not even five minutes later, she walked into my room and dropped a deuce. FML
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Top comments
HowAreYouToday 34
He's a shitty boyfriend.
davek 36
He should consider himself, erm, dumped?
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Comments (108)
PiNkMoOn 9
in his next birthday give him a toilet as a present.
interesting33 37
That is a Harry Potter reference and therefore should be taken as a compliment.
noelasis94 18
I believe in time his iq can get higher, but that's only when he starts sticking his fingers in light sockets.
gurly98 13
Oh he's such a turd, yeah a giant turd, looks like a turd an smells like a turd!
amDes 11
And your awful comments just keep poping up....
Llama_Face89 34
Miss after miss after miss... Bro...stop shooting yourself in the foot, it's painful to watch..
expertsmilee 26
Maybe to you, but Ronald and I are lovin' it
DDCA 24
# 15, you seriously suck. I think they're probably some 10 year old that somehow hacked onto their older siblings FML account. I mean, no 15 year old could be that lame.
_DudeGuy_ 16
If anyone makes a shitty situation pun, they will be executed publicly.
3rdbass 9
Watch out guys, we're dealing with a bad-ass here.
LeeCards 8
Salem without the hypocrisy
perdix 31
#16, too late, that ship has sailed. Let it go or you'll have to become a mass murderer, and getting thrown in prison would be a *lowers sunglasses* shitty situation . . . YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAHH!
_DudeGuy_ 16
Oh no, I hate the pun, but I don't want to kill Perdix.
Joe9024 20
The law has no feelings. BREAK OUT THE GUILLOTINE!!
Llama_Face89 34
43- You must or you shall forever be known as a man who's word means nothing. I propose a caged death match with fire and swords and blindfolds.
DDCA 24
Something tells me 16 would get their stool pushed in if thrown in prison.
mr_sarcastic416 29
What a shitty thing to do to your girlfriend
challan 19
Have your dog poop on his bed. Payback is a bitch.
perdix 31
#19, quite literally if the agent of revenge is a female dog.
Llama_Face89 34
Who's to say she has a dog?
jackiemora 18
Who's to day she doesn't?
jackiemora 18
Damn I failed ._. It was meant to say "who's to say she doesn't have a dog?"
BlackRogue 8
#81 if she doesn't already have a dog, she needs to get one for this exact purpose. Then she and her dog can live in peace knowing that the faithful welcome mat's sacrifice was not in vain.
HeadlessSparrow 20
That's full of crap right there! I mean shit, who does that?
WizardofWaxinAss 8
maybe OP should send him to the doghouse
lukeyhoward79236 17
Can you give him a custom ringtone? Something like "who let the turds out? Poop, poop, poop poo?
Llama_Face89 34
No more! Please, for the love of all that is good, no more!!
bethybooditom 9
Don't you mean ex boyfriend?