Today, I invited my boyfriend over to meet my new puppy. My dog decided to take a dump on his lap. He is now not talking to me because he thinks I trained my dog to do that. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, a friend came over to meet my new dog. The dog got excited and accidentally peed on him. I went to the kitchen to get something to clean it up. When I came back, my new dog was covered in my friend's pee. My friend claimed that peeing on my dog "showed dominance." FML
Today, I heard noises outside my front door. I looked out through the window, only to see my boyfriend encouraging his dog to take a dump on my welcome mat. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have our first kiss with each other, but my dog decided to let one rip, stinking up the whole room. My boyfriend still doesn't believe it was my dog who did it. FML
Today, my dog discovered his new toilet by taking a dump on his own bowl. FML
Today, I gave my puppy a treat for finally doing his business in the grass instead of on the patio. He later puked it up all over the patio. FML
Today, I introduced my new boyfriend to my dog, hoping they’d get along. I told my boyfriend, “Don’t worry, he never jumps on anyone.” Immediately, my dog jumped, not onto my boyfriend but right into my lap, knocking my glass of red wine all over my trousers. My boyfriend patted the dog and said, “At least someone’s happy to see you.” FML
Today, I had a date over for the first time. Everything was going well until my dog decided to wedge himself between us on the couch, growl at my date, and then pee on his shoes. My date laughed it off, but my dog seemed to be giving me a smug “I warned you” look for the rest of the night. FML
Today, it seemed like my new boyfriend worked wonders training my puppy. Now she listens, doesn’t bark and doesn’t chew everything to bits anymore. I was very impressed, until my boyfriend told me beating a dog until it behaves works every time. My dog isn’t trained; she’s too terrified to move. FML
Today, I was able to land a nice apartment solely based on the fact that my puppy is potty trained. During the required pet interview, my dog 'got sick' and defecated all over the apartment office. I now have to clean the mess knowing that I will not be allowed to live there. FML
Today, my dog pooped on the floor, and the Roomba my sweet boyfriend bought me as a housewarming gift, ran over it. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
annie_nk 23
"I said sit, not shit!"
caden_bro 9
Your BF seems a little emotional. And ridiculous. Just try to talk some sense into him.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (56)
caden_bro 9
Your BF seems a little emotional. And ridiculous. Just try to talk some sense into him.
Ambient25 25
or slap him and tell him to grow up
patrickalamo 48
She would do better talking sense into a brick wall... You cannot fix stupid.
Elliotkitty 13
D: I don't think spraying frabreeze will help will it?
rebellionwars 11
Febreeze is one of the problems in your sentence.
naughtia 14
Febreze is a problem in both sentences!
HeyHeyFishFillet 34
Time for troll dog to shine! For far too long we've focused on troll Grandparents and cats...no more! Let us realize the threat that is now among us!
fluffywaspluka 7
Number 1 dog trainer, good job OP.
Sandsh8rk 36
More like the 'Number 2' dog trainer.
jococo7787 3
Hopefully he won't DUMP her for all the SHIT he's gone through.
mFUNdo21 17
well that's a shi- *slaps self* NO! we will not utilise overused puns that everyone downvotes That is an unfortunate situation in the excretery sense
184886837272837 32
If you say the word downvote in a comment, you're probably going to get down voted
ashleyylove3 22
#22 wins
184886837272837 32
I just realized I may have just jinxed myself...
thrifting 18
Have your boyfriend take a dump on the puppy to get even. Battleshits!
incoherentrmblr 22
You sunk my battleshit...
crazytrainer 5
Trust in the judgement of your pup. Your bf sounds like an idiot. Maybe you should dump him. (but not on him)
annie_nk 23
"I said sit, not shit!"
Ambient25 25
Can you imagine how confused Sean Connery's grand kids are when he asks them to "shit" on his lap...
xkore787 14
Well of course he's mad! Isnt it obvious that everyone trains their dog to do that!
dawood_k 27
Well well well. I suggest you dump your boyfriend sounds like he is "full of shit" What an idiot