Today, I heard noises outside my front door. I looked out through the window, only to see my boyfriend encouraging his dog to take a dump on my welcome mat. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I invited my boyfriend over to meet my new puppy. My dog decided to take a dump on his lap. He is now not talking to me because he thinks I trained my dog to do that. FML
Today, I stepped into a pile of dog shit on my doorstep, along with a note saying, "Keep your dog out of my yard." I don't own a dog. FML
Today, I came home to find that my dog had taken a dump on my bed. I quickly put on my house shoes to avoid possibly stepping on any other of his turds. I felt something squish all over my right foot. He'd also taken a dump in my house shoe. FML
Today, I stepped in dog shit, barefoot, in my own bathroom. The dog had been outside for two hours earlier, and I'd watched him take a dump. Apparently he was saving some for when he got back in the house. FML
Today, as I sat on the toilet, I heard a noise outside. I peered through the window and found myself staring directly at my neighbor. FML
Today, I opened my front door to go out for groceries. Lying on my doorstep was a pile of poop. A piece of paper was taped to the ground beside it that read, "Do it again and you'll get more than dog shit." I don't have the slightest clue who I pissed off, or how. FML
Today, I woke up to a homeless man relentlessly shitting on my porch. FML
Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML
Today, I was over at my boyfriend's house and I heard a strange sound. I laughed and said, "It sounds like a dog throwing up!" He listened for a second and said, "That's my mom crying downstairs." FML
Today, my roommate let his dog out. Not even five minutes later, she walked into my room and dropped a deuce. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
HowAreYouToday 34
He's a shitty boyfriend.
davek 36
He should consider himself, erm, dumped?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (108)
HowAreYouToday 34
He's a shitty boyfriend.
ohgeejosee 19
He doesnt have the emotional strainth to do it himself. Psh.
DaftDude 11
I don't think almost anyone has the will to shit on someone's welcome mat.
HowAreYouToday 34
... You're a bunch of thread jackers.
DaftDude 11
#49 So it's completely unnaceptable to reply to a reply? If you want your thread back, the boyfriend is indeed lacking of courage and morals. It's rather an unusual situation.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Yes, he is indeed devoid of decency, and should be executed by guillotine. The scumbag. The thread is well and truly on track now.
Hobbit79 10
Ah ya think ?
LolFMLnot 10
When I first read this I thought the boyfriend took a dumb on OP's welcome mat
malheartsnutmeg 20
What was his excuse?
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Probably that he's a dick.
jsandy1994 10
Or hilarious
autumndobbs 11
Well that's a crappy situation.
gurly98 13
Just like your comment.
Pleonasm 36
Because all of yours are just /stellar/. See, all these: vvv
Shrike 24
17- Crappy just like your 57 rejected FMLs, I'll bet. And didn't you just make an almost identical comment just below this one? For shame, your trolling sucks.
sux4u121 10
Make that 58 rejected now. My guess was he tried to submit "Today, I was bullied on the internet FML."
TourettesGuyFTW 26
#48- I'm trying hard not to laugh the whole house awake after reading your comment. I'm no good at holding laughs in. Arrrgh!!!
clever_name_here 7
17, you just got burned by 28 and 48. How does being a troll feel now?
DDCA 24
Correction. 58 denied FMLs. I hope # 17 is not as boring as their failed attempts to get an FML posted.
mangoboy1 19
Try some communication?
gurly98 13
That's gonna end up in a crappy outcome...
ScenicSubterfuge 39
Hypocrite
kianaaa32 17
#15 Please just give up.
RainbowDashie140 12
That would be a crappy clean-up job.
gurly98 13
Uh no, your comment is considered a crappy clean up job!
ImAFaker 29
No shit
onealmxwilson 18
Yes shit. There was shit on the doormat.
davek 36
He should consider himself, erm, dumped?
nieldan 8
Punny.
Chloe555_fml 27
Or his way of saying she is dumped.
Grootensliven 10
Guess he doesn't feel very welcome
perdix 31
What a cheapskate! Why doesn't he spring for a paper bag and a lighter?
lukeyhoward79236 17
He's such a turd. He's gonna be the one who's crapping. When you get a hold of him that is.
Llama_Face89 34
That was truly awful... Good effort, I suppose.
goodoldave 17
Welcome Home :-)