Today, I heard noises outside my front door. I looked out through the window, only to see my boyfriend encouraging his dog to take a dump on my welcome mat. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I invited my boyfriend over to meet my new puppy. My dog decided to take a dump on his lap. He is now not talking to me because he thinks I trained my dog to do that. FML
Today, I stepped into a pile of dog shit on my doorstep, along with a note saying, "Keep your dog out of my yard." I don't own a dog. FML
Today, I came home to find that my dog had taken a dump on my bed. I quickly put on my house shoes to avoid possibly stepping on any other of his turds. I felt something squish all over my right foot. He'd also taken a dump in my house shoe. FML
Today, I stepped in dog shit, barefoot, in my own bathroom. The dog had been outside for two hours earlier, and I'd watched him take a dump. Apparently he was saving some for when he got back in the house. FML
Today, as I sat on the toilet, I heard a noise outside. I peered through the window and found myself staring directly at my neighbor. FML
Today, I opened my front door to go out for groceries. Lying on my doorstep was a pile of poop. A piece of paper was taped to the ground beside it that read, "Do it again and you'll get more than dog shit." I don't have the slightest clue who I pissed off, or how. FML
Today, I woke up to a homeless man relentlessly shitting on my porch. FML
Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML
Today, I was over at my boyfriend's house and I heard a strange sound. I laughed and said, "It sounds like a dog throwing up!" He listened for a second and said, "That's my mom crying downstairs." FML
Today, my roommate let his dog out. Not even five minutes later, she walked into my room and dropped a deuce. FML
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Top comments
HowAreYouToday 34
He's a shitty boyfriend.
davek 36
He should consider himself, erm, dumped?
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Comments (108)
TypoH 7
Suprise!
Ypetrol 11
Nice boyfriend you have
worldclassrager 41
This sounds like an ex type of thing...if he didn't like the door mat he could have just told you....
Allennis44 16
He's so infinitely clever.
x23bzrk 16
in all seriousness he might have thought this was a clever way to *dump* her
Ur_Life_My_Laugh 6
Don't put up with his crap.
Shorty777 4
Neither one of them would be welcomed to come in.
peachfuzz74 8
I'd make him clean it or use his hairbrush or toothbrush to clean it up:)
XxwumboxX 3
Well, You ma'am have a shitty boyfriend
AngrySailor 17
You must live in Welland.