Today, I bought some crickets as a treat for my lizard. One escaped and somehow got into the heating system in my room. The chirping is amplified and comes from everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Goodbye, restful sleep. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I woke up next to my roommate staring in horror. She said I was singing and farting in my sleep. Loudly. FML
Today, I lost my dog. I looked around my neighborhood for hours, and found him under my bed asleep when I got home. FML
Today, I woke up to my apartment filled with smoke, fire alarms blaring. My roommate set my kitchen on fire while making hot dogs. This is the fourth time this has happened. FML
Today, I was teasing my cat with a piece of string when suddenly my phone rang. I answered it with one hand and put the string down with the other onto my lap. The beast seized the opportunity to spring, claws out, onto my privates. FML
Today, as I was changing my sheets, I found a huge spider under my pillow. My 10 year-old sister had to get rid of it for me. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and felt deep breathing on my neck. I screamed, fell off the bed and busted my nose. It was just my cat. FML
Today, at 2 in the morning, a noisy work crew started up in the parking lot next to my apartment. What were they doing at that ungodly hour? Installing a light that now shines right into my window. FML
Today, while trying to open the packaging to my new headphones, I got startled by my cat suddenly meowing, and cut through the headphone wire. FML
Today, at work, I jumped under my desk in fear of a nuclear missile attack when the firestation next us let out its new awareness siren. I think I'm going insane. FML
Today, I was talking with a very attractive coworker outside when a moth flew into my ear. I started screaming and hitting my ear because it was stuck and alive in my ear. I spent the rest of the day at the ER. I'm forever known as The Moth Lady. FML
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Top comments
stupidface15 16
at least if theres an awkward silence there will be proper sound effects
Divia1 9
It will die soon and dry up quickly, don't worry. I absolutely despise crickets. if you want to treat your lizard get him hornworms or Phoenix Worms.
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Comments (69)
doctorhook86 25
I foresee asnakelovinbabe commenting on this FML.
azyjazy713 11
That's payback for offering him up to your lizard. He's a vengeful one.
wolverine47 10
Send your lizard after it!!
foreverhappy98 10
That sounds like a tiring situation.
siggy_mcsigx 22
Once a huge cicada took refuge in the semi-enclosed overhang in my house - it's comprised of brick floor, brick & mud walls. The amplification was ridiculous. It was like someone standing out there blowing a sports whistle at full blast. I got out of bed and went outside to deal with it, and it was echoing across the VALLEY. At least I was just able to sweep it out; half an our was long enough for me to lose my mind, so...you certainly have my sympathies!
worldclassrager 41
Ear plugs? Or let your lizard loose and see if it can find it...
graceinsheepwear 34
I'd chirp too if I narrowly escaped death!
siannyyy 3
This happened to me, the little bastard lived for months.
cleh2019 3
Revenge is a bitch Jk
Chas4739 5
It'll die eventually, crickets don't live long