Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and felt deep breathing on my neck. I screamed, fell off the bed and busted my nose. It was just my cat. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up next to my roommate staring in horror. She said I was singing and farting in my sleep. Loudly. FML
Today, I was teasing my cat with a piece of string when suddenly my phone rang. I answered it with one hand and put the string down with the other onto my lap. The beast seized the opportunity to spring, claws out, onto my privates. FML
Today, I was on the toilet when my cat came in and jumped up on the sink. Apparently my lap looked like a comfier seat, so she jumped onto it. She misjudged the distance, but luckily caught herself by sliding to a stop, with her claws in my bare thighs. FML
Today, while I was eating spicy wings, I suddenly sneezed. I was sitting in front of a fan and effectively maced myself when my spicy sneeze blew back into my face and eyes. FML
Today, I woke up from the most satisfying dream I've ever experienced. Sex related? Nah. I just needed two hands to pull a massive booger from my left nostril. FML
Today, I went to my grandmother's house to pick up her cat to take him to the vet. She forgot who I was and sprayed me in the face with pepper spray. FML
Today, I slammed the car door on my head while I was getting in the car. If that wasn't bad enough, my boyfriend is convinced I now have a concussion and insists on waking me up every hour to make sure I'm still alive. FML
Today, I was on a train, sitting next to an old man who was reading a newspaper. Suddenly, he sneezed without putting his hands over his nose. Instead of turning towards the window, he turned towards me. FML
Today, I learned how birds feel when they fly into windows. I should be getting the hospital bill for my broken nose in the mail soon. FML
Today, I lost my dog. I looked around my neighborhood for hours, and found him under my bed asleep when I got home. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
He was pretending to be a cat burglar.
SashaTaras 26
What a catastrophe!
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Comments (37)
Sidneyr 14
Talk about over reaction! Sorry op
teentee401 37
You wouldn't freak out if you live/sleep alone and felt breathing on the back of your neck?
LycanGod 27
well doesn't the cat count as a live/sleep companion? even if the cat takes over the bed by scaring the OP out of it?
DogeDogeDoge 13
And you would of reacted differently how?
oj101 33
To be fair to Sindeyr though, Singapore is one of the safest cities in the world with almost 0 (violent crimes/murder). There's more of a chance of the cat itself being a serial killer than an actual person breaking into the house. Source: I lived there for 8 months
teentee401 37
Who said it had to be a serial killer? Even if they didn't hurt you it'd still be creepy that a stranger climbed into bed with you.
thatnakedguy 17
Maybe your pet couldn't cat their breath?
SashaTaras 26
What a catastrophe!
rockninja 21
it's funnier if you imagine it ?? lol
Welshite 40
He was pretending to be a cat burglar.
countryb_cth 38
Gotta love pets. Always there to great you. Even at 2am when it's unwanted.
vaxc 17
Greet*
dezman2000 21
Cats- arguably scarier than a home invader in the middle of the night.
TypicalSenpai 14
But is your cat ok????
LycanGod 27
cats will always be douches lol. I got one myself and his way to wake me up is with head butts lol
cole66 14
I woke up today to my dog slowly rubbing its face up mine, nearly jumped out of my skin, waking up to thinks like that wake you not want to go to sleep