Today, I bought some crickets as a treat for my lizard. One escaped and somehow got into the heating system in my room. The chirping is amplified and comes from everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Goodbye, restful sleep. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I woke up next to my roommate staring in horror. She said I was singing and farting in my sleep. Loudly. FML
Today, I lost my dog. I looked around my neighborhood for hours, and found him under my bed asleep when I got home. FML
Today, I woke up to my apartment filled with smoke, fire alarms blaring. My roommate set my kitchen on fire while making hot dogs. This is the fourth time this has happened. FML
Today, I was teasing my cat with a piece of string when suddenly my phone rang. I answered it with one hand and put the string down with the other onto my lap. The beast seized the opportunity to spring, claws out, onto my privates. FML
Today, as I was changing my sheets, I found a huge spider under my pillow. My 10 year-old sister had to get rid of it for me. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and felt deep breathing on my neck. I screamed, fell off the bed and busted my nose. It was just my cat. FML
Today, at 2 in the morning, a noisy work crew started up in the parking lot next to my apartment. What were they doing at that ungodly hour? Installing a light that now shines right into my window. FML
Today, while trying to open the packaging to my new headphones, I got startled by my cat suddenly meowing, and cut through the headphone wire. FML
Today, at work, I jumped under my desk in fear of a nuclear missile attack when the firestation next us let out its new awareness siren. I think I'm going insane. FML
Today, I was talking with a very attractive coworker outside when a moth flew into my ear. I started screaming and hitting my ear because it was stuck and alive in my ear. I spent the rest of the day at the ER. I'm forever known as The Moth Lady. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
stupidface15 16
at least if theres an awkward silence there will be proper sound effects
Divia1 9
It will die soon and dry up quickly, don't worry. I absolutely despise crickets. if you want to treat your lizard get him hornworms or Phoenix Worms.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (69)
anyoldnamewilldo 23
LOL..I remember those days. When I did bearded dragon rescue, I was ordering 1000s of them at a time online. Invariably there would be some escapees during the transfer from shipping box to holding tank. Only the adults chirp and the lifespan isn't long so you won't suffer too much longer. Just be glad it wasn't a superworm. Those are quiet, but turn into ugly beetles that give me the creeps.
Omniprism 15
Ear plugs.
Akumie 6
If it doubled as a cooling system turn it down and make it cold. Crickets make less noise in the cold. ^^ but don't stress it too much. It'll die fast.
blurider17 11
That actually sounds awesome!:D
hawoook 5
Turn on the heat! Summon the fire! KILL THE CRICKET!
kelsorg 21
aren't you used to the cricket noises by now of you've had your lizard? I've gotten so accustomed to the noise I can sleep no problem with it. just saying.
squarecircles 13
You could pretend you're camping out in the wilderness.
Adam5858 17
Throw it out in the shed for a bit
kitkatmiaow 21
Ahhhh lucky cricket :) bet he's very happy to have escaped :)
robertmil90 10
that really sucks fyl