Today, I bought some crickets as a treat for my lizard. One escaped and somehow got into the heating system in my room. The chirping is amplified and comes from everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Goodbye, restful sleep. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up next to my roommate staring in horror. She said I was singing and farting in my sleep. Loudly. FML
Today, I lost my dog. I looked around my neighborhood for hours, and found him under my bed asleep when I got home. FML
Today, I woke up to my apartment filled with smoke, fire alarms blaring. My roommate set my kitchen on fire while making hot dogs. This is the fourth time this has happened. FML
Today, I was teasing my cat with a piece of string when suddenly my phone rang. I answered it with one hand and put the string down with the other onto my lap. The beast seized the opportunity to spring, claws out, onto my privates. FML
Today, as I was changing my sheets, I found a huge spider under my pillow. My 10 year-old sister had to get rid of it for me. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and felt deep breathing on my neck. I screamed, fell off the bed and busted my nose. It was just my cat. FML
Today, at 2 in the morning, a noisy work crew started up in the parking lot next to my apartment. What were they doing at that ungodly hour? Installing a light that now shines right into my window. FML
Today, while trying to open the packaging to my new headphones, I got startled by my cat suddenly meowing, and cut through the headphone wire. FML
Today, at work, I jumped under my desk in fear of a nuclear missile attack when the firestation next us let out its new awareness siren. I think I'm going insane. FML
Today, I was talking with a very attractive coworker outside when a moth flew into my ear. I started screaming and hitting my ear because it was stuck and alive in my ear. I spent the rest of the day at the ER. I'm forever known as The Moth Lady. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
stupidface15 16
at least if theres an awkward silence there will be proper sound effects
Divia1 9
It will die soon and dry up quickly, don't worry. I absolutely despise crickets. if you want to treat your lizard get him hornworms or Phoenix Worms.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (69)
morpanda 9
Hey, I'd think it's peaceful.. Imagine you're outside camping.
xlizardxqueenx 7
the cricket will die soon without food and water. Try feeding your lizard superworms and dubia roaches. ~Mother of 7 dragons, 8 geckos, 1 tegu, and 1 basilisk.
DirtyBlackSocks 1
I had the same problem with my lizard, who lived in my room. When I put him in the cage at night, he would let some crickets get out and the would find crooks in my room, and annoy the hell out of me...
PikaFruit 6
I think I feel more sorry for the cricket...
HinaxNaru 12
Same thing happened to an old friend cept it went up his pants Good luck !
PrinceOfBritain 20
At least you'll have something to respond to Dane Cook jokes with
slimshadyduhh 4
Bearded dragon?
xxhdxx 11
heat makes them chirp more so try not to use it too much
Jall8089 9
I can relate. My daughter has pet frogs. She’s an adult now and moved out a few years ago, so that particular hell is over for me, but it used to happen fairly regularly. 🦗