Today, I was laying in the grass, staring into the blue sky and watching planes go by. My boyfriend snuggles down next to me; it was a sweet moment. He then told me all about how the planes above are leaving "chem trails", and that he believes the CIA is out to mind-control us all. Right. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to sit and listen as a customer explained to me how we are all being controlled by chemtrails, how all the rich people are ruling the world from underground bunkers, how Michelle Obama is a man, how COVID was a hoax, and that the world is flat. I hate being in customer service. FML
Today, I was outside with a guy I really like. He asked me to lay down on the ground and watch the stars with him. I did. Suddenly, he got up, walked over to another girl and kissed her. They left me there on the soaking wet ground, watching the stars. FML
Today, I was using a public urinal when a man came up to use the one next to me. As he approached, he said, "Friendly spy plane inbound" and pretended to look at my knob. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in bed together, and I was in a snuggly mood. I rolled over to gaze lovingly into his eyes and whisper sweet nothings to him in the darkness. His response? "Dear God! Did somebody fart in your mouth?!" FML
Today, the small plane I was on almost crashed, all because the pilot's girlfriend figured out mid-flight that he's been cheating on her, causing her to start screaming abuse and furiously beating him. FML
Today, I left on my honeymoon with my wife who is terrified of flying. The pilot announced incoming storms in the flight path, and the man next to me starts saying it's "probably fate" and "we all have to go sometime." My wife went into a full panic attack. We hadn't even left the ground yet. FML
Today, while cuddling with my boyfriend, he got up and said he needed to go home because he was tired and just wanted to relax and watch TV. That's what we were doing. FML
Today, me and my friend decided to spy on my crush. He lives across the street, so we climbed on the roof of my house and watched him with binoculars. He was working out, and after 5 minutes he started writing something. He put a piece of paper against the window and it said, 'Stop watching me.' FML
Today, I was walking with my girlfriend of a year and a half on the beach. Everything was fine until she saw a plane with a banner behind it saying "Cassie, will you marry me?" She said yes. I didn't order a plane. FML
Today, I was on a plane flying home and fell asleep. I woke up to my own snoring and everyone on the plane looking at me. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
He's only a legitimate conspiracy theorist if he was wearing a tin-foil hat. If he didn't have the hat, then he may be right.
Potatoverse 7
Another nut for the jar!
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Comments (164)
Retrokitty 9
Well at least you know what you can get him for Christmas.... A tinfoil hat :)
limealicious 15
I'm a believer.
CyberGothic 16
Sounds like there's not alot there to control inside your boyfriend's head...and possibly the shortest trip to insanity on record.
fivehorsejohnson 0
The Federal Reserve makes 9 trillion dollars disappear into thin air on a regular basis, USA set up huge propaganda campaigns based in lies to invade Iraq, making thousands of civilian victims, violating human rights, whatever. And YOU think these guys are above injecting atmospheric aerosols?
Dinonick 15
Uh oh. Hes on to them. I geuss the brazillian hitler cyborg will assasinate him now
Bcfrmkc816 17
He's right
mysweetinsanity 3
He's not completely wrong though.
katejones 8
See if he responds to the words 'in the morning'. He sounds like a listener. ( no agenda podcast - talks about chemtrails and conspiracy theories at times )
khaoticpanda 28
Leave while you have the chance!
Koleckai 16
Why made him say that.
looloothing 9
My ex said the EXACT same thing to me. No joke.