Today, it was another stressful day of watching servicemen at my job trying to figure out what broke an extremely expensive and essential machine. I'm just waiting for the day they finally discover the earring I dropped into it about a week ago FML
Today, it's my birthday and I'd invited quite a lot of my friends to come round and have some fun. When I got home, I saw a few cars outside. It turned out to be for the neighbours. I waited and waited; none of my friends showed up. FML
Today, I received a letter telling me I'm not qualified for a job I've been unofficially doing for the last three years. It's the fourth letter I've gotten since applying. I guess it wouldn't be too bad if I didn't have to train the new person who got the job instead of me. FML
Today, in the class I'm teaching, I assigned my students an essay to complete for homework. One student asked me if I was deducting points for bad spelling. I teach English. FML
Today, I gave my boss two weeks notice for me leaving work, as I had received a better job offer with twice the pay. I thought he took it well until I heard him mutter under his breath, "About fucking time." FML
Today, I had to ask my sister if she'd shit her pants because the smell of poop was following us around Paris. I don't know what's worse, the fact that I had to ask an eighteen-year-old, or that she said yes and didn't do anything. FML
Today, my drill sergeant found out it's my birthday. I spent the rest of the day scrubbing large, filthy pots for the entire base of 2000+ and scrubbing grime off of bathroom walls. Happy birthday to me! FML
Today, I accidentally farted in the middle of my grandfather's funeral and my cousin started cracking up. It caused a chain reaction of laughter throughout all of the other cousins and my siblings. Now my aunts won't speak to any of us. FML
Today, a pharmacist slut-shamed me for taking birth control. I'm still a virgin, and I only take those pills to help with my acne and period cramps. FML
CyberPsycho tells us more.
CyberPsycho 21
UPDATE: I called the manager and told him about my encounter. He wants me to come talk to him about it further but I'll admit that I'm still kind of embarrassed to go back to that store....
Today, I was in a public toilet. I looked down and realised someone in the stall next to me was peeing on my foot underneath the divider. They didn't even attempt to aim for the toilet bowl. FML
Today, I saw a cute guy at the coffee shop reading a book. Wanting to be friendly, I smiled as I approached and asked what he was reading. He returned the smile and said, "Minding your damn business, by Fuck Off." FML
Today, I discovered an effective form of body hair removal. I discovered that my three-year-old daughter is strong enough to pull off a major clump of my leg hair. FML
Today, in an effort to try and get fit, I was doing yoga on my carpet when my foot slipped. It went under my radiator, which peeled the skin off my heel like peeling a potato. FML
Today, my house flooded. Hundreds of dollars worth of art supplies, multiple video game systems, academic awards from middle school, birthday cards from my deceased grandfather; it's all gone. What remained untouched? The cat's litter box, which somehow floated. FML.
KiraK_320 tells us more.
KiraK_320 20
Hi everyone, OP here (well my nickname's gonna show so I'm not sure I needed to say it, but whatever)! Thanks for all the wishes and hugs. <3 First, I saw a few people ask about the cat; she's perfectly fine! And it wasn't actually my cat, it was my mom's boyfriend's... My cat and I live in Baton Rouge in an apartment with my dad, and I had just moved in there in April, so the majority of my things were here but... I had left my memorabilia box (the cards from my grandfather, a lot of childhood books and stuffed animals, the awards, etc.) at my mom and her boyfriend's house in Denham Springs (which, to any of you fellow Louisianians, you know the entire town was flooded), and I had forgotten some of my art supplies and old sketchbooks there alongside my Xbox and Wii unfortunately.Anyway, I actually have some good news: I had submitted this before I was able to go back to the house to salvage things and so when I did manage to go through the flooded stuff (after the water receded, of course), I was able to save a lot of it! Funnily enough, my Wii had been in a plastic tub that also floated, so that was safe. I got to wring out my stuffed animals, and wash them at a laundromat, and I also managed to carefully separate the flooded cards and lay them out in the sun to dry... very happy about that! Again, thanks guys :^) and to any of you that went through the flood as well, I hope you're doing ok and that your families were safe.
Today, someone drove into my car at an intersection and drove off. Luckily, I got the car's registration plate and called the cops on them. Turns out, it was my boyfriend's brother's girlfriend, who was illegally driving without a license. Now everyone's mad at me for getting her in trouble. FML
Today, while working at my job at a lumber/hardware store, my coworker told me he was taking an hour break instead of the usual half-hour. Not only did he leave me with a store packed with customers on Customer Appreciation Day, but he never came back until closing time. FML
Today, I was volunteering at a neighborhood house tutoring a bunch of kids. Everything was going fine until one of them jumped on the table I was at, which broke and hit my knee. I swore in front of all the kids and my volunteer coordinator. FML
Today, at work I did inventory with my boss. He did the top shelves and I did the bottom ones. By the end, my knees were dirty and sore. I went home and my roommate asked me how my day went. I absent-mindedly said, "My boss had me on my knees all day." He hasn't stopped laughing. FML
inappropes tells us more.
inappropes 31
As soon as I said it I realised the implications and just had to laugh. We both got a good chuckle out of it. I thought it would do the same for all of you so I thought I would share.
Today, while at a baseball game, I was telling my friends about my underaged drinking experience at my sister's bachelorette party. It wasn't until I was done telling the story that I realized the Dean of my college was right behind us, looking right at me. So much for a good first impression. FML
fuckingcool tells us more.
fuckingcool 10
I never claimed that I was "cool" for drinking and I wasn't bragging only telling my friends about a fun experience I had celebrating my sisters engagement. I had gotten into a 21 and up club and I only brought it up because they had been sharing similar experiences that they had. Hop off your high horse and don't shame me for drinking underaged when people in Europe start drinking by age 16 the latest, I was 18. I didn't drive, I didn't get sloppy or make out with any strangers. I just had a fun night of dancing and some drinks with my sisters and her friends. Arrest me!
Today, while driving to a client's home, I received a text. Since I loathe those who text and drive, I pulled into a convenience store's parking lot. While I was texting, a car sped into the lot, rear-ending my car. FML
Today, I asked a girl what time she'd like me to pick her up for our date tonight. She didn't know what I was talking about. It seems like, after months of sweaty palms, nervous smiles, and awkward sentences, I only dreamed she said yes to going out. FML
Today, I was wondering why my cheap and overall great apartment had been available for so long. After some research, it's now pretty clear: my landlord is, apparently, a well-known slumlord. FML
LifeAndLemons95 tells us more.
Hi! I'm the OP (as you can probably tell) and I should probably explain some things. This happened a while back but it's a great lesson in being more critical. First, #8 is very right with the explanation of the term. Also, I said "cheap" because it was actually affordable and quite fair in size contrary to many others where you're promised 13m2 for about 450$ more or less. Second, I didn't sign the lease. I only checked to see if they were actually legit owners of the place since many get scammed that way. I didn't think about checking if they were actually good at what they're doing. That was pretty naive of me and definitely a lesson learned. I'm very sorry for all of you who had to experience this, and I hope you're in a better apartment now where you feel like you're heard and respected. Also, thank you to all of you who showed me sympathy even if you didn't know how it turned out. It's really sweet of you. :) Last, I'd like to say that I'm not ungrateful and I'd never dare to be! I'm easily excited and I am thankful for all fortunes in life. It's not an issue of being grateful or not but rather about being in a situation that is safe and comfortable. I didn't feel either of those when I found out and I had to react to that. I hope you understand! Okay. Ramble over. I hope that cleared up a bit of your questions!
Today, I almost got our office burned down by plugging the wrong charger into a laptop cooling fan. Tried to hide the incident and kept it casual but the smoke detector led it to my area and everyone knew I was the culprit. I'm a new hire too. FML
Today, my overprotective dad bolted all of my windows shut so that I don't turn out like my sister and sneak out or sneak boys in. FML
Today, I got in trouble with my boss for doing what she wanted me to do. I guess she didn't think I would do it, so she did it herself. FML
Today, the guy I like finally called to ask me to go grab a drink with him. I just moved six hours away. FML
funnyhowthatwork tells us more.
Op here, I explained just how far I moved (since I only mentioned moving but not the distance) We are meeting up in a few weeks to have that drink!
Today, I spent nearly seven hours clearing out our storage room in order to transform it into my art studio. Things were going great until I tweaked my back. At least from my stationary position in bed I have a perfect view of the table I can't work at for the next 2 to 4 weeks. FML
Today, it's again one of many times my mom dropped me off at the mall to hang out with friends. Since I have no friends, I shop by myself and always tell her I had "so much fun". FML
Today, I finally addressed why my boyfriend started calling me "love bug" since we haven't used pet names in the entirety of our 2 year relationship. His response? "because I love you but you bug the shit out of me. It seemed appropriate." FML
Today, I had surgery done to fix an ingrown toenail. When the doctor started cutting the nail, my toe wasn't entirely numb. FML
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