You're in the army now
Today, my drill sergeant found out it's my birthday. I spent the rest of the day scrubbing large, filthy pots for the entire base of 2000+ and scrubbing grime off of bathroom walls. Happy birthday to me! FML
Today, my drill sergeant found out it's my birthday. I spent the rest of the day scrubbing large, filthy pots for the entire base of 2000+ and scrubbing grime off of bathroom walls. Happy birthday to me! FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, it's my birthday. I lit my birthday candles on the cake I made myself and blew them out alone, while my worthless husband sat on the couch stuffing Doritos in his face. My present? He sprayed Lysol in the bathroom after he took a dump. FML
Today, my cleaner wished me a happy birthday. My family and friends forgot. FML
Today, I'm a host at a restaurant. We had a birthday party for a couple of 15 year old boys and their friends. I went to clean the bathroom at the end of my shift and discovered cake everywhere, including all over the urinal. They were even nice enough to draw a smiley on the mirror with icing. FML
Today, it's my birthday. What did I get? A 12-hour work shift, after spending an almost sleepless night in a computer chair because my bed is infested with bed bugs. FML
Today, for my birthday, someone left a big bottle of mouth wash on my desk with a big bow on it. FML
Today, my parents forgot it was my birthday. They ordered me to scrub the common bathroom, and when I asked if they'd remembered, my dad's reaction was, "Oh! Really?" My mom's was, "I thought that it was next week." What lovely parents I have. FML
Today, I started my 17th birthday by having to clean my son’s extremely poopy diaper. FML
Today, it's my birthday. I told my boyfriend I wanted to feel special even if for just one day. He said he would do the laundry for me. FML
Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend was kind enough to give me prescription strength deodorant. FML
Today, it’s my birthday. My boss treated me to a day off work, except my mother called at 12:01am drunk as hell screaming, “Happy birthday” down the phone. When I finally fell back asleep, I awoke to my boss asking me to come in after all. FML
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Top comments
anon4ever 7
I'm a Marine, and Marines don't get to have cell phones during boot camp. You don't have it that bad. One day of scrubbing toilets won't hurt you. Soon it'll probably be someone else's birthday, and they'll do the same. Good luck in the military, OP.
SauceySarah 30
Can someone explain to me why they made OP do all of that laborious, gross stuff on her birthday? What's the lesson they are trying to convey? Does it teach discipline? Do they not want happiness? Genuinely curious.
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Comments (103)
RadBaron 1
And how do you have internet access? When I did my basic course I didn't speak to my family for 3 months much less whine on the internet about character building. Stop being a bitch or get out of the services.
the_real_dvd 21
I'm assuming that more than likely she started the story with "Today..." because that's what FML requires. In all likelihood she's telling a story that's in the past now.
MDoremis 38
You do know half the FMLs aren't posted directly when they happen, right? Some people post instances that happened to them years ago.
BLDYRBBT 16
this. so much this. people wonder why we have a bunch of whiney punks coming out of basic. Hmmmm maybe it's because they are coddled so their feelings don't get hurt.
JRodOki 8
I'm confused by your comment. You say basic course but then said three months. Only marine corps is three months. And it's called boot camp. Not basic. That's more airforce or army. Which is not three months long
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 23
How is scrubbing pots and slime character building? It just teaches you that being at the bottom of the hierarchy means doing menial work. Learning to clean and to look after yourself is something your parents should teach you while growing up, you don't wait to enter the military for that.
Dale_shackleford 13
Just cause parents should doesn't mean they do. I'm pretty sure the point isn't to build character, it's to break it and then reshape it. The military teaches you to act as a unit with others because having a bunch of lone wolves running around in combat would probably end in all their deaths.
tygerarmy 35
JRod, Basic Combat Training in the Army has different lengths, when I went it was 10 weeks, which is 2 1/2 months. Army Basic for Combat Arms, Infantry and other combat MOS's is another 4-6 weeks. Making it 3 1/2 to 4 months long. So, rounding up regular basis, especially if they were a hold over, or recycle if they had to redo a part, or if they are combat arms, Basic is 3 months.
itasgnr 4
army infantry osut (one stop unit training[if I remember correctly]) is 15 weeks. just over 3 months.
izzajaneful 24
I was in the army, and mine was technically three months. But only because of winter exodus.
RadBaron 1
You know other countries besides the US have militaries right?
anon4ever 7
I'm a Marine, and Marines don't get to have cell phones during boot camp. You don't have it that bad. One day of scrubbing toilets won't hurt you. Soon it'll probably be someone else's birthday, and they'll do the same. Good luck in the military, OP.
heatintolerant 12
I think OP probably didn't have her cellphone in the military, and wrote this later on.
anon4ever 7
She said "drill sergeant" which implies army or Air Force. And yes, they do get to have cell phones during their basic training, unless she's speaking of a memory years ago.
TheNewGuy03 29
When I went through BCT, cell phones were not allowed, and the phones available were only to be used on special occasions and emergencies. Snail mail was the only communication. The regs have changed, and servicemembers are now allowed to use their cell phones in BCT. Not sure about the Marines, though. FYI, the Army has Drill Sergeants, the Navy Recruit Division Commanders (RDCs), the Marines Drill Instructors (DIs), and the Air Force Military Training Instructors (MTIs).
AvengedAngel 13
agreed.... I'm former army and we sure a shit didn't have our phone is basic either. ditto on the luck op
EatOrphans4Fun 24
Went through BMT with the Air Force just 4 years ago, and we never got to use our cell phones except to call home once a week for 15 minutes, if we were lucky. Just got some new slick sleeves here in my shop who just got out of basic just a few months ago, and they got the same luxury as I did. This post must just be about a memory of something in the past.
LoverWordsFood 27
I found out this year that they are allowing cell phones in basic, only because a family friend just joined the beginning of the year. They figured that if they allow it, they wouldn't have such a problem with people trying to sneak around.
Soviet_American 29
Rah.
wow2mylife 25
my dad is in the part time national gaurd and when he do his two weeks twice a year training they use cell phones for everything and when he do weekends once a month they still use it but limited mainly now more limited because of Pokémon go js
tygerarmy 35
wow2mylife, your dad is in the National Guard, which means he's part of the military. So yes he can have his cell phone 99% of the time depending on his job in the military. People are assuming that the OP made this FML from Basic Combat Training, where people generally don't have cell phones.
wow2mylife 25
oh okay I skimmed though the comments
amanda182 19
...the Army doesn't get cell phones during boot camp ethier lol.
harold1313 2
I just got out of army boot camp a couple months ago and we didn't get ours
Dodge4x4Ram 46
I had my 18 birthday doing dishes in the military.
rebeccabyram 15
Ha Ha
SauceySarah 30
Can someone explain to me why they made OP do all of that laborious, gross stuff on her birthday? What's the lesson they are trying to convey? Does it teach discipline? Do they not want happiness? Genuinely curious.
squinch 16
Its "character building." Soon she'll get maced in the face for extra character building.
Mathalamus 25
It's the military. I would be expecting this stuff and worse. Probably meant as a lesson.
Nyattack 14
... A lesson for being born ?
Mons_fml 27
A lesson that Your birthday doesn't mean anything and that theres more important things to do. The individual doesn't mean anything in the military. It's the group as a whole and your purpose that matters. Good luck OP!
JocelynKaulitz 28
Yup, scrubbing a shit ton of pots is serious business. Way more important than OP's birthday.
Dale_shackleford 13
Yep, you can't have a bunch of selfish and independent combatants because you have to work as a team. Imagine if instead of making plays in sports everyone just did what they felt like. They would lose. Same with the military, except instead of losing a trophy everyone lost their lives.
mmaarrrggoo 19
it's the military, and when away at training/camps they aren't going to give you a day off and some cake when it's your birthday. It's designed to be tough, it's designed to make you do things you don't want to do. No one should expect any special treatment on their birthday, and like what happened to the OP, if anyone in command found out you can bet they're gonna give them a nice birthday surprise. This FML is kinda lame, cause in the military you are supposed to just do what you have to do, and not complain.
aruden 25
Simple because at Basic Training or Boot Camp you get shit on. They try to break you down, make you feel like your not important so they can "build you up" with their military doctrine. Cleaning on your birthday isn't all that bad, in my unit they "pink belly" you. They quite literally slap the shit out of you till you're bruised all over or bleading.
interesting33 37
#28 yeah but it sounds like they did it BECAUSE it was OP's birthday - as a weird punishment. It doesn't suggest OOP went round saying 'it is my birthday, treat me special', just that the sergent found out and decided to make them do dishes because of that.
interesting33 37
#29 what the heck? That is awful - why would you break someone down like that, and why would you physocally abuse someone like that? I thought the military was about upholding the law, not breaking it
tygerarmy 35
The Army wants people who are right for the Army. I had my birthday in Basic Combat Training. It sucked. But it set me up for having my birthday while I was deployed. As a Soldier you have a job to do. If you can't handle a shitty birthday, Basic is the time to find out, because you can still get out. I had a 143 people in my Basic, 89 graduated, less actually completed their job training, most got out after their first contract. Now like 10 people are still in 8 years later.
interesting33 37
#36 I am sure OP could manage a bad birthday where they do the normal chores, don't get presents whilst deployed, but for someone to deliberatly make their life bad BECAUSE it is their birthday is awful.
tygerarmy 35
Interesting33, I know people who have been blown up on their birthday. Fortunately the vehicle they were in took most of the blast and they were okay. Having to clean and do the shitty jobs is part of the job of a junior Soldier. Now the OP's cleaning sounds a bit excessive. Maybe the OP's Drill Sergeants were asses, or maybe they were testing the OP for some other reason, either a good or bad prior performance. As Soldiers we are expected to be in the bad situations and still do our jobs, if that's not for you, then the military isn't for you. Which is part of what the Drill Sergeants job is, remove the people who don't make the cut.
gracehi 33
It's so she won't expect special treatment on her birthday later on. It will get better when she gets out of basic training, though. Then she can request leave for her birthday or any other special occasion she wants and unless her chain of command is a bunch of assholes or there's some extenuating circumstances it will get approved. That is, until she gets deployed. Then life will be shitty again.
magnacarter 7
So in order to teach that it's the group as a whole that matters, they had him scrub and clean alone and not with a group?
aruden 25
Breaking you down and rebuilding you into a soldier is quite literally what their goal is in basic. Getting some bruises and cuts on your birthday isn't all bad, it's tradition. I don't know maybe it's an Infantry thing.
littlebuck84 12
They are teaching that no matter how special you think you are, your are just like everybody else.
privatekatnis 2
there is no real reason its a job that has to be done, and it got found out that its there birthday, so they got it, old tradition in the army, if anyone finds out its your birthday, somethings gonna happen. luckly it was just cleaning dishes i got to clean bird nests made of shit just last week thursday
mmaarrrggoo 19
yeah that's my point, it just so happens the drill sergeant found out and made them do that. it's just how it is - it's not anything personal (unless the OP was being taught a lesson or what not). It could have happened to anyone else there with the OP, and I bet it will. Being away at training/camps isn't meant to be enjoyable. I bet they needed to have the bathrooms cleaned, found out it was OP's birthday, and figured they'd give him a nice present
kyu_Q 19
being in the military myself I think it conveys that your birthday is not special. The enemy won't be concerned that its your birthday and thinking too much about it can be a distraction and distractions can get you killed. While deployed 'special' days have to be treated like any other. Things are a little different in our profession. Hope this answers your question
Mechanize 8
It's training. You can't have members acting like complete individuals when your supposed to be part of one big thing. Trained members are to hold up laws, not those in training.
ashwednesday 12
I agree. If a recruit goes around telling people that it is his or her birthday, by all means, make him or her scrub pots and bathroom walls. If not, just treat it as just another day of basic training.
interesting33 37
Isn't breaking somoene down and rebuilding them something that people use when they brainwash people??
Razell 13
@31 LOL no. You're thinking of the police. The function of the military - any military - is to kill people and break things. They have to break the recruits (in the sense of breaking a horse to saddle or to harness) into doing things the military way so that they will be able to fulfill their function. Don't like it? Don't join.
PapiiChuloo 4
Stop being such a pansy. My mom makes me clean more than that. Its the military, they're not suppose to hand you daisies, feed you fresh fruit & hold your hand while someone gives you a bubble bath. If you cant handle a little cleaning or some meaningless manhandling, then you definitely cant handle the shit-fest out in combat.
IDontKnowaName73 17
Like they said above, it doesn't matter that it's his birthday in the military. To them, everyone has one, so dwi
kimeatszombies 22
Yeah, my friend that is now in the military has told me that you don't want anyone to know its your birthday. And now I understand why.
awspinks77 7
So easy to tell who is prior service/active duty and who is a civilian on this comment feed. Hahaha.
beham 8
So true bud lol.
PegLegRacing 34
The civilians believe this story actually happened.
sandman676 20
Insert pineapple
jimeple 12
"Character building" is a phrase assholes use in the military just so they can be well, Assholes. And yes I am a veteran. Served 10 years.
blahhhhhhh85 9
cell phones in boot camp are you in the coast guard ?
nicholasa631 8
might be Air chair service
nightstalker94 18
And this is why I don't regret leaving the Army. Too many idiots with power, always trying to humiliate the rest. That's why morale is low in the Army. It's not about character building. It's about proving that they have control over the lower enlisted.
Calingaladha 21
I agree. It doesn't build unit cohesiveness. It motivates some people to get ahead so they can shit on others. There are good NCOs, but there are a lot of assholes in that mix, and a lot of menial tasks that help nobody.
izzajaneful 24
It helps everyone who needed clean dishes.
lmfao789 11
Do your own dishes asshole For me nothing is more important than my own birthday. "It's my day" Everything else "can wait" like texting while driving.
izzajaneful 24
Do your own dishes? That makes no sense in a cafeteria setting. Whose "own dishes" are the multiple gallon pots that soup and sauce are cooked in? Whose "own dishes" are the serving trays and utensils? I won't bother replying to the birthday part of your comment.