leogs23
Force of habit, or just mean?
Today, my fiancée’s siblings kept calling me by her ex-boyfriend’s name. FML
All the FMLs
Anonymous
Be the hero
Today, I learned I will hand my daughter off to a complete stranger in order to provide help during an emergency situation. I don't know whether I feel proud to be someone who steps up in the moment, or mortified and ashamed that I gave my kid to a bystander so easily. FML
Daligheri
Sinking feeling
Today, my girlfriend dumped me after we watched Titanic for the first time together. Why? Two reasons. Because I cried, and apparently men aren't allowed to be emotional, and because she asked me if I would save her or a boat of women and children first. Neither answer was correct. FML
Anonymous
United States
Whipping boy
Today, like every day, my boss was complaining about something or other, but this time it was work that I knew he'd done himself, and he still blamed me. FML
Anonymous
Men and their balls
Today, five years after the birth of our last child, my husband still hasn't gotten the vasectomy he swore he would get. He wouldn't let me get my tubes tied, because it was "the least he could do," but when I ask about it, I'm a nag. FML
Atypical
Mother of the year
Today, after a lifetime of struggles, I was finally officially diagnosed with ADHD. Thanks to years of ridicule, punishments, humiliation and even beatings over something I literally could not control, I also have terrible depression and anxiety. My mom still thinks I’m making it all up. FML
Anonymous
Randolph, United States
You sleep in your pants?
Today, I dreamt that I was using the toilet. The toilet was a dream, but the rest wasn't. My pants were soaked. FML
Anonymous
Hesitation
Today, I got a great job offer but things are constantly changing at my current position due to COVID. So I was honest and told them I wanted to see what my employer could offer. They took back their offer and gave it to someone else. FML
Anonymous
South Africa
Secrecy
Today, I found out my husband of one year has been renting his old batchelor's apartment in secret, because he is unsure if he wants to stay married to me, and we are broke. FML
Anonymous
Geraldton, Australia
Not the golden child
Today, my father retired and made sure to buy both my younger sisters and their partners near new cars. Despite only one having a licence. Then bought the bare minimal definition of a "functioning" car for me, as compensation for paying off the family car on my own. FML
Anonymous
Pittsburgh, United States
Missing the one
Today, I had a dream where I was with my last girlfriend, from five years ago. Nothing dirty. Just leaning on each other, talking, and smiling. Woke up and felt like she was really here, and now I miss her as much as when she had to leave the country. FML
Niniva
Dahlonega, United States
Scarcity
Today, after several hours, two pharmacies, several bus rides, $20, and many phone calls, I returned home. Guess who still doesn't have a glucose monitor? Yup, I have to go do this all again tomorrow. FML
HaroldLames
What have you got yourself into?
Today, the court is unable to allow me to divorce my wife because she is pregnant with our child. I have to wait until AFTER the baby is born, so that she is born inside of a marriage and not be an "illegitimate child." I was planning to move out of our house to go live with my high school sweetheart this weekend. FML
Anonymous
Great Mills, United States
A new enemy
Today, my cat jumped into my lap and sat on my headphone cord. I tried to get it out from under her by pulling on it. Big mistake. My cat is now eyeing the cord and will attack it if I move it again. I have expensive headphones and the cord is not interchangeable. FML
Anonymous
Favoritism
Today, I overheard my mother-in-law say to her daughter "I can't wait for you to make me a real grandma." I'm pregnant with their first grandchild. FML
fml9124
Animal lover
Today, my 14 year-old daughter threatened to run away. Why? We live in southern Arizona. In the last week, she's found a dead tarantula and a live scorpion in her bedroom. In a couple of weeks it will be rattlesnake season. She's not liking the desert much anymore, where even the plants want to hurt you. FML
Anonymous
Hi uncle, I'm dad
Today, I found out I'm an uncle. Normally this would be great news, except I have spent the last 8 years thinking I was her father. FML
SecondTimesACharm
Woodstock, United States
Is that how it works?
Today, I tested positive for COVID… again. This pandemic has been going on for so long that after 11 months, my natural immunity has apparently worn off. I'm in the next group for the vaccine. FML
Anonymous
Le Epic Bacon
Today, after years of struggling with acne, I found out that it's caused by all the bacon I eat. FML
K..
Australia
Put your foot down
Today, my boyfriend and I moved into our own house. He proceeded to invite his parents to stay for the week. The same parents we've lived with for the past 5 years. FML
Mimmi491
Get on with it!
Today, I'm waiting for the second evaluator to accept my master's thesis so I can graduate. If my grade isn't submitted by the end of the week, my credits will expire, which will have consequences for my job. The evaluator is the same woman who graded essays from the beginning of the college year at the end of it. FML
Damngurl
Kula, United States
I can't quit you
Today, I scripted-planned and went to quit my job. Instead, I somehow ended up an emotional crying mess during the conversation with my manager - who recommended I get counseling. FML
Anonymous
Weyauwega, United States
Ungeeked
Today, while trying to fix a corrupted USB hard drive with my wife’s computer I accidentally wiped her laptop drive instead of clearing the external drive. I’m not allowed on her computers anymore. FML
Darkparcero33
Love in the time of coronavirus
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Then my COVID test came back as positive. FML
Anonymous
Aguas Buenas, Puerto Rico
Dad, stop driving my car
Today, my dad was looking for something in the garage and accidentally knocked over a heavy box, which crushed the new side view mirror I'd bought for my car, because the one my car originally had, he smashed it against a pole while driving my car recently. FML
Anonymous
Gloucester, United States
Crossword anxiety
Today, I've been so anxious that I downloaded a crossword app to try to focus. You get stars whenever you complete a puzzle, either 1, 2, or 3. I'm now up to 400 stars and placed first in a competition I didn't even know I was participating in. I'm still anxious. FML
DV.
Copenhagen, Denmark
Judge not lest ye be judged
Today, my girlfriend and I, who are both heavy set, went into the pharmacy and asked if they sold any over the counter antidiarrhetic medicine. The store clerk, eyeing us up and down, said, “Uh, sorry, we don’t have antidiabetic medicine.” FML
Anonymous
Coraopolis, United States
Harsh
Today, I opened my own flower shop. My mom's response was, "Get a job." FML
Anonymous
Workers of the world unite
Today, my initial unemployment benefits ran out. Yesterday, the extended benefits ran out for my entire state too, so I'll see $0 assistance. But it could be worse, they're also taking back 7 million $ from extended benefits receivers, so at least I'm not having money taken away. FML
leogs23
Insurance is a scam
Today, my fiancée wrecked my car so I had to use my other car to pick her up. Ten minutes after I did, my other car broke down in the middle of the road and I had to get it towed. My insurance covers none of these incidents. FML