Today, my mom yelled at me for not pooping with the bathroom door open like the rest of the family. FML
Today, I matched with someone on a dating app. The first thing they said to me was, "What is the chance that you are the trombone player living below me and would you please stop playing after 9 p.m.?" I am that trombone player and due to Covid I have to practice a lot in my apartment. FML
Today, I was called a "wimp" and a "pussy" for crying and screaming after lightly bumping my hand on a wall. It’s been five hours and it still feels as though my skin is being ripped off the bones in my hand. FML
Today, I was called a horrible excuse for a mother just for buying formula for my baby. I just don’t produce any milk of my own. FML
Today, while buying laxatives at a store, the cashier loudly declared that I'm "too pretty" to be constipated. What? FML
Today, I forgot my father’s birthday. My father means the world to me, I just have a shit memory. FML
Today, the guy who has harassed me every day for a month straight proposed, with an actual diamond ring which he’d burned the receipt for. I said no, of course. Later, I found out that he’d attempted suicide. Twice. FML
Today, I was told that because I have an anime profile picture, I’m obviously extremely ugly in real life. I’m not ugly, I’m trans. FML
Today, I decided to make an almighty breakfast of fried eggs and bacon. I couldn't find anything to flip the eggs with so I used a red spatula that my sister handed me. As I was finishing a delicious fry up, my mom came downstairs and asked me why the cat litter scoop was resting in the frying pan. FML
Today, I fell on a crack in the pavement and broke my ankle. Next week, I'm supposed to fly interstate to be on a quiz show I've spent two years in the audition process for. FML
Today, after a full year of absolutely zero social interaction, I realized that I don’t miss it. At all. FML
Today, I found out that while some people make out with others when drunk, I apparently sing a weird mash up between "Bad Romance" and Terry Pratchett’s Hedgehog song. My friends recorded it and posted it on Instagram. FML
Today, I was unable to communicate with a customer who only spoke French. As a result, my boss called me a "monolingual idiot." I speak Spanish, German, and Japanese. FML
Today, my brother and I were nearly made homeless by a good friend and roommate, because after repeatedly leading on my brother, and admitting she’s disrespected me all along, she and her boyfriend took off suddenly without a word of notice, leaving us to a house we can't afford alone. FML
Today, I found out my husband was faking his leg injury. I caught him out and about walking just fine, hand in hand with another woman. I’ve been caring for him, holding down the bills, and taking him to an "at home" chiropractor for the past 7 months. FML
Today, my twice-divorced boomer mother made another passive-aggressive remark about my partner and I not being married, despite our 13-year relationship. What is this, 1950? We don't care about marriage, deal with it. FML
Today, I caught my sister using my shaver to trim her pubic hair. FML
Today, I started the conversation where I intended to confess to my crush that I like her. I first asked her if she liked me. She asked me to define my terms. FML
Today, I found out my cousin stole my used pregnancy test and ultrasound pictures the last time she came to visit, and tried to fake a pregnancy. This was two years ago when she stayed at my house. I just found out I'm pregnant again, and guess who just asked to come to stay and "visit"? FML
Today, I got into trouble for sleeping at work. FML
Today, I discovered that my old roommate had left a full bag of cat litter on my porch and all over my yard. FML
Today, I experienced the perfect romantic moment as I was sitting on a hill on the beach overlooking the sunset, cuddling my girlfriend. It was abruptly ruined. How? A rat ran past. FML
Today, I learned that my MS medication is going to cost 25k a month. My insurance won't cover a cent. I don't even make that much in a year. FML
Today, two months after beginning a steamy text exchange with the man I’ve been in love with for 13 years, he told me that now when he thinks of me he feels "warm and fuzzy." In a panic, I responded sarcastically, “Primarily in the dick, right?” That shut everything down real quick. FML
Today, I was absolutely crucified online for asking the vet’s office how much it would cost to put my dog down. She's terminally ill. FML
Today, I'm living with my now ex-girlfriend of 9 years in the house we bought together. What's worse than that is the fact that 2 weeks before she told me she was unhappy and ended it, I had bought an engagement ring. I didn't get the chance to ask, and had to return the ring. FML
Today, I got put in Facebook jail for telling a guy fat shaming a girl he was a "s*x*st b*st*rd." Immediately after, FB informed me that a person I reported for threats didn't violate community standards. FML
Today, the magazine that had my ad in it came out. There’s never been an ad for my niche before. But there was a bigger, better ad for exactly the same thing before mine. Yet another failed business idea for me. FML
Today, I'm starting to realize my wife's baby loves me more than my wife. FML
Today, my brother refused to bring his kids to a small family get together for my daughter’s birthday, due to his fear of Covid. Later, I saw online that he was at a huge party for his wife’s family, no masks in sight. When I confronted him, he blocked me and won’t return my calls. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
