Today, I wanted to go shopping in my new car that I bought just a month ago. When I stepped outside, I saw someone had smashed the driver side's window. They didn't even steal anything. FML
Today, I was drinking lemon juice through a straw. After finishing half of the drink, I noticed there was a cockroach in my straw. FML
Today, my girlfriend was in the back seat of a car with one of my friends when she got sick and puked all over one of his dress shoes. My friend then asked me to replace his shoes, since she is technically unemployed and couldn't pay him back. We eventually agreed that I would pay for one shoe. FML
Today, I overheard a co-worker tell the new guy not to talk to me because I'm a bitch. Apparently, she didn't like it when I told her two weeks ago that she had a drinking problem, which was affecting her work ethic. FML
Today, I made popcorn shrimp. My dog was being a whiner so I gave her one of the shrimp. I guess she didn't like it because she hopped right back up and spat it out on my plate. FML
Today, it's my ninth day off work. I should have been back 4 days ago, but whilst resting a swollen knee at home, I got a hair stuck in my eye so badly that I had to go to A&E at 4 a.m. to get it taken out. Now work won't let me come back until the resulting conjunctivitis clears up. FML
Today, my parents took me out to dinner. I thought they were taking me because it's my birthday. Turns out they are getting divorced. They forgot it was my birthday. FML
Today, I got my vacation days denied because I'm "too valuable", while the moron I work with gets his days off because he's "easy to do without." Well, I guess I won't be spending much time with my girlfriend who flew across the country to see me. Glad I'm such a valuable employee. FML
Today, I woke up with a scream of pain to find the reason I've had so many realistic dreams lately: my boyfriend has been messing with me in my sleep because he thinks my reactions are funny. For instance, when he pinched me today, I experienced a very realistic wasp sting in my dream. FML
Today, as a final effort to get me to lose weight, my recently deceased father left me $25,000 on his will, which is only to be released to me once I weigh 150 pounds. No exceptions. I'm about to lose my house. FML
Today, a coworker grabbed my ass for the third time. I went to my boss to complain about the sexual harassment. He told me to suck it up and enjoy the attention, and that it was my fault for having a huge, round ass. I think it's time for a new job. FML
Today, I read a message from someone on Instagram asking if I wanted to "hook up with a nice guy sometime." It was my uncle – he doesn't recognize his own family before messaging them. FML
Today, I was hitting it off pretty well with a girl I met through a dating app. However, she's never going to speak to me again because I also happened to "match" with her friend. How was I supposed to know they knew each other? FML
Today, I'm now convinced that a series of forlorn, increasingly panicked-sounding little bird-calls are coming from the vents in my apartment. Between my social anxiety and the lockdown, I can see no way to get help. FML
Today, in our microbiology lab, there's a machine called bacteria incubator, which translates to Arabic as "bacteria hugger." I envied the bacteria because it gets hugs. FML
Today, I was driving into work in my hubby’s truck. It’s his pride and joy. I managed to both get a flat tire and lock my keys inside the truck at a gas station, with my face mask also inside. Oh, and it’s 19 degrees. At least it’s sunny. FML
Today, I begrudgingly helped relocate my 84-year-old mother-in-law to our home at my partner's adamant request. It took months of stressful preparation, around $10,000 in costs, and some 500 km travelled via medical transport. Ten minutes after arriving, she had a heart attack and died. FML
Today, finally in a the right state of mind to move on from my ex, she dropped a nuke in my life by stating she's getting married. FML
Today, I tried to quit my job of almost 6 years so I can date the man of my dreams, one of my bosses. When I gave my 3 weeks notice so they can try to replace me, they refused to accept it. My potential boyfriend won't see me anymore until I quit and can't tell my other managers why I need to quit. FML
IrialNiall tells us more.
IrialNiall 12
I have another job lined up, no problem, and am already hired in. It made more sense for me to be the one to leave since I'm hourly and he's salary. I love my job, but I hate it at the same time, so it's a bit of both. He never asked me to leave though, I offered to be the one to go somewhere else. He's never struck me as controlling or anything like that before, and still doesn't now. But neither of us wants to be fired. I don't think you're cynical at all, by the way, and actually appreciate you're honesty and POV
Today, my cat jumped on my chest while I was sleeping and head-butted my nose to show she loves me. It was hard enough to crack it. FML
Today, I felt sick at work and tried to run to the bathroom with my hand covering my mouth, but saw a garbage can and removed my hand to let it loose. I forgot to remove my mask. FML
Today, I found out my mom has literally spent all her savings sending money to some bullshit-peddling megachurch televangelist, who apparently told her that giving them money would ensure her future fortune. Tithings, my ass. FML
Today, I got married to my girlfriend of three years. Her mother's Alzheimer's came into play at the wedding when she asked who I was. My bride-to-be couldn't stop crying. FML
Today I went to a much-anticipated job interview. I've been out of work for a month and I really need and wanted this job. I then realized that yesterday's hike was not a good idea when a tick crawled across my forehead in the middle of the interview. FML
Today, whilst visiting one of my distant cousins for the first time in years, she came onto me. After gently explaining to her that this was inappropriate, she broke down in tears. Whilst I awkwardly comforted her, she started stroking my inner thigh, apparently still trying to seduce me. FML
Today, working from home and to escape my own toddler, I moved my work area into the bedroom. Perfect timing for the neighbor's toddler to scream at the top of his lungs. All day long, underneath my bedroom. I just wanted some peace and quiet to work. FML
Today, I vented to my friend about how unhappy I am and how I want to kill myself. What did she say? "Don't do that." That was it. FML
Today, I went to pull a nose hair out, only to end up pulling a spider out by its legs. FML
Today, I'm in hospital after having surgery for a broken leg. I’m maxed out on Endone and still in pain. Work have said that I’m on the roster next week and I’ll be fired if I’m not there. My wife said that she is going to have some "me time" for a few days when I get home from my "holiday". FML
Today, I inquired about getting a raise from a company that I've been with for 5 years. My manager said I'll get one starting February 29th. FML
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