Today, I left my son with my husband while I went to the store. Ten minutes later, my dog was missing a large patch of fur, and neither of them can stop laughing. FML
Today, in my psychology class we were covering OCDs. I have an issue with creased paper and my best friend brought it up, so for the next hour my class mates sat screwing up paper to see how long I could continuously have a panic attack. FML
Annieisnotokay tells us more.
Just want to point out that I was pretty sure I had a last sentence that said 'turns out I lasted 5 minutes before fainting'. I am not claiming that I was in full blown panic mode for a full hour. I have a diagnosed OCD which does effect quite a large part of my life, I can't even use paper in class. The majority of my friends know I have this OCD and my best friend only brought it up as an example because she knows I don't really mind people knowing because for me as embarrassing as it is, I feel that if people know they won't make a big deal out of it and since I'm in year 12 I wasn't expecting people to over react as they did. The people who were doing it were the boys in my class who are really only in the class because they needed an extra subject to be allowed to attend the college I'm at. The teacher was trying to stop them but she was a substitute so naturally the already rowdy boys were not going to be told to stop.
Today, it wasn't until I heard something fly off the roof of my car and hit the trunk, then asphalt, that I remembered where I left my phone while unlocking the car door. FML
Today, I admitted to my parents that I'm a pathological liar and I would like to go get help. They didn't believe me, and told me stop making stuff up. FML
Aaronator25 tells us more.
Hey guys this is OP, you probably wont believe me, but hey that'd make me a liar so... Im still trying to convince my parents of this so i can see a professional...
Today, I gave my wife a birthday present. For months she'd been talking about an expensive treadmill that she wanted, so I bought it. Her reaction when she saw it was to yell, "YOU THINK I'M FAT!" and burst into tears. FML
Today, I was given a powerful laxative to clear me out. I can't go to the bathroom because the four guests of my sleeping roommate are all sitting in dead silence against the paper-thin bathroom wall. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she heard me say "love you" on the phone. I was talking to my mom. FML
Today, working in customer support, I received a call from a woman who'd just been robbed. My supervisor asked what was taking so long; I told him that she was hysterical. He took my phone and told her to call back when she had her "shit together", then hung up. I take orders from this dude. FML
Today, it transpired that my mom has been spending her stint in prison trying to play matchmaker for me, going so far as to call one of her finds, "good breeding stock". Apparently, I don't already have enough criminals in my life; last September I was the only member of my family of 5 not locked up. FML
Grand_Cookie tells us more.
Grand_Cookie 21
Haha!! Thanks for the support and funny comments! I am a guy and these people she talks about are women and aren't there for anything violent. A few of them have drug/alcohol problems and the rest like to steal things which are also pretty much the same things my entire family did to get locked up at the same time along with some other stuff I don't feel like listing. The sad part is that some of them seem better then the semi-insane girls I usually end up talking to.
Today, I was about to break up with my psycho girlfriend. As I sat her down, she told me she wanted to show me something. She then took off her shirt to reveal my name tattooed across her chest. FML
Today, my ex-boyfriend, with whom I'm still madly in love, called me and begged me to come back to him. In shock, I asked, "Is this some kind of joke?" He giggled, said yes, and then promptly hung up. FML
Today, my husband told me that he thinks I am getting a little heavy and may need to lay off the junk food. The ultrasound is hanging on our fridge. FML
Today, my mother accused me of stealing pills; she looked all over my room and couldn't find them. When she went back to the pantry, she saw them on the shelf below where they were supposed to be. She then accused me of putting them there while she was searching my room. FML
Today, my 25 year-old brother dumped all my underwear into the fireplace for interrupting him while he was playing WoW. FML
Today, my husband of 6 years said in a grave voice that he had some important news for me. Jokingly, I said, "Why, did you get that cute colleague of yours pregnant?" He did. FML
Today, while trying to find my phone in the depths of the sheets on my bed, I gave my comforter a huge shake. A second later, I heard a crash. My phone had miraculously flown straight into the glass of water on my nightstand. Found it. FML
Today, I was dying my hair a subtly different color. It was only supposed to turn my hair a shade or two lighter, but it seems someone at the store thought it would be funny to switch the dye in the boxes around. My hair is purple. FML
chrissy2 tells us more.
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He wants us to stay friends, though, so he can continue to use my coffee maker. FML
Today, I found out that Yale had actually accepted me 17 years ago. My mother apparently burned my acceptance package and letters because she didn't want me to upstage her UChicago degree. FML
OPhere tells us more.
OP here. To the people who said I deserved it, my psychotic mother actually had the balls to craft a ******* rejection letter and mail it to me. I was sixteen and had never seen an authentic denial letter from Yale---you guys would've believed it, too, had you been in my shoes. To the people who keep bringing up e-mail: it was 1996. As my generation will tell you, we grew up without the internet. To the people who agree that my mom's a bitch, damn straight she ******* is. My daughters and son will not be seeing much of mee-maw anymore, nor will I. To the people who said I wouldn't be who I am today without that lie: Doesn't matter; parents are supposed to nurture their children, not deprive them for personal gain.
Today, I went to the doctor to inquire about the nasty rash on my arms. He concluded that I'm allergic to beer and the rash will go away if I stay away from it. I'm a bartender. FML
Today, I just remembered that I changed my Gmail display name to "Rice Ball" out of privacy-paranoia a while back. I've been using this same email to apply to several professional jobs. FML
Today, my boyfriend said he felt like eating icing. So I baked him cupcakes, put icing on them and decorated them. When I handed them to him, he picked off the decoration, licked the icing and handed the cupcake back to me, saying, "I told you that's all I wanted." FML
Today, after weeks of insomnia, I fell asleep. This would have been great if my brother didn't wake me up at 3 a.m., screaming because his guild finally took down a raid boss. I'm now grounded for thumping him, and have to do all his chores while sleep deprived. FML
Today, I went over to my boyfriend's house. After asking him what was wrong due to his weird attitude, he responded with, "This isn't working; I'm in love with my sister." FML
Today, I baked my friend a cake for his 21st birthday. When I arrived at his house, his girlfriend, who hadn't made him anything, screamed at me for "making her look bad." She then took the cake, banned me from the party, and kicked me out. FML
NZgirl92 tells us more.
NZgirl92 6
PS. I have a boyfriend, who lives with the friend whose birthday it was and his girlfriend.
Today, I found out that my girlfriend chooses extra shifts at work over hanging out with me. Every time. She doesn't even like her job. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were furniture shopping. They had miniature versions built of some of the desks. He commented how they were "cute for little kids" to use. They were 6 inches tall. I had to explain to him that they were only models, not real desks. I'm dating Zoolander. FML
Today, I was taking a walk, when an elderly lady in a motorized wheelchair slammed into me from behind. There was plenty of room to pass by, but noooo, trying to run me down like a dog, then giving me the finger and yelling "Watch where you're walking!" is so damn preferable. FML
Today, my sister went into a blind rage at me for "upstaging" her by announcing that I'm pregnant, two months after she did the same. My husband and I have been trying for two years. She's in high school and doesn't even know who the father is. FML
Today, my boyfriend of 17 months, the first guy to tell me he loves me, the guy I lost my virginity to, the only guy whose parents I've met, told me we should stop 'hooking up' because it's weird that I was telling everyone we were a couple and it was ruining his chances of finding a girlfriend. FML
hannah321 tells us more.
hi, i'm the girl who wrote this originally (i've since got an account so changed my name- maybe some people won't believe that but whatever) and i just want to say in response to some people that it was VERY clear on both sides that we were a couple, we were not friends with privileges.. also i am not a stalker, i just wanted to specify exactly how long we'd been together because it emphasises just how shitty what he did was.. like someone else said, a year doesn't really explain that fully. maybe he was using me for sex and i was practise, but i'm not as young or naive as some people here seem to think... this isn't my first relationship, but it was my first really serious one hence meeting parents, having sex etc etc.. i thought what i felt towards him was mutual, and i think if many of you had known us as a couple you would be very surprised about what has happened, most people were always commenting on how much he seemed to adore me. right now i have no idea what his motivations were, but everytime i speak to him i want to stab him.. so im refraining from speaking to him or seeking an explanation at the minute SO thanks to everyone who's been supportive, **** knows what his problem is but im getting over it seeing as he's been such a dick to me, and i just posted him this link, so any extra abuse toward him would be welcome.. ha
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