Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He wants us to stay friends, though, so he can continue to use my coffee maker. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me but wanted to make sure that we were still friends, so he could still use my Netflix. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. How? He invited my mother to his house for coffee with his parents, and told her. She then had to come home and tell me I’d been dumped. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, severing all forms of communication but one: Words With Friends. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he wants to break up. But not until after our anniversary tomorrow, because he's already gotten dinner reservations for us. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by rapping in a voicemail. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me over breakfast. In the afternoon I got to smile at him prettily for hours because he was the photographer in a session neither of us could get out of. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, by text, while we were in the same room. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, as he'd realised that life is really short, and he's got to enjoy with his friends. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via text, right after I finished cleaning his apartment and dropping off a bunch of booze I bought for a big party we were having. It turns out that big party was his "newly single" party. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. While he was dumping me, he was holding hands with his new girlfriend. FML
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Top comments
Ali_Br_fml 33
Change your locks. He can buy his own coffee maker.
perdix 31
Sounds legit. As a fellow caffeine addict, this makes perfect sense to me. Sure, there's the heartache of losing you, but why should he suffer the caffeine-withdrawal headache, too? You may not be together anymore, but you still can grind with him ;)
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Comments (87)
Ali_Br_fml 33
Change your locks. He can buy his own coffee maker.
Success4444 12
I don't think that's what "friends with benefits" is all about.
LightningCactus 12
No, if it were friends with benefits, she would also have to supply the mugs.
YoungMisfit 9
It all depends if ursine of those makers with the disks you gotta share. Those things are awesome
fml121785 14
Yea, YDI for dating a guy without his own coffee maker!
perdix 31
Sounds legit. As a fellow caffeine addict, this makes perfect sense to me. Sure, there's the heartache of losing you, but why should he suffer the caffeine-withdrawal headache, too? You may not be together anymore, but you still can grind with him ;)
Atheepic 4
This is exactly what I am thinking!
harrypotter955 19
Poison his coffee. It's that easy.
theunbeatableram 3
You and your psychopath mind.
annie_nk 23
Sounds like he's preparing for divorce, if he were to get one. "You can keep the cat, I want the coffee maker!"
cupcakechick 17
they arent married....
Snowkeys 11
It does say boyfriend not husband.
annie_nk 23
I know it said boyfriend, not husband. When I said "if he gets one" I meant it in a future sense
Fluffydemise 18
Throw some money at him and direct him to a cafe. Guy sounds unbelievably up himself.
lilhellian 27
He should use his own damn money..
9lashes 15
or throw some slaps and make him use his own money
not_a_robot 15
Or just forget about him. You have options now.
Mylifemaysuck 6
He should have his own money, and if he's broke, then she should leave him to rot on the sidewalk.
perdix 31
Switch to tea.
Fluffydemise 18
Sage advice, tea is infinitely better than coffee. Deterring your ex can almost be considered an aside to the wonderful joys of tea drinking.
perdix 31
#44, yes, but when you want to spite someone, you have to make some sacrifices.
Quizzical 8
She'd have to hide the coffee maker for a bit and say she gave it away. Otherwise he'll say since she quit coffee, she doesn't need the coffee maker.
limitedition 25
What a douche. you must have an amazing coffee maker..
JessiKitty_lol 7
Exactly what I was thinking.
Pstraka6 20
Consider it a good thing then you're not with him then if all he sees you good for is making coffee. Don't worry you'll find a man who instead of stealing your coffee, wakes you up with a fresh cup in bed!
emilyjgraham 34
The sad part is she doesn't even make it! He just loves the machine. :(
hamrtym 15
The best part of waking up, is breakfast after a nut.
karlcolt45 19
you have to understand it's hard to find a good coffee maker, even harder to get used to a new one. have some compassion