Today, I was given a powerful laxative to clear me out. I can't go to the bathroom because the four guests of my sleeping roommate are all sitting in dead silence against the paper-thin bathroom wall. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was admitted to the hospital for chronic constipation. I have to share a room with two other girls who are also having bowel problems. We're all on strong laxatives, and there's apparently only one bathroom in this place. FML
Today, all of my roommates were home. I really had to poop all day but the bathroom was being hogged. Once I finally got the chance to go, I guess the toilet didn't flush all the way and I didn't notice. The other roommates loudly asked each other who it was, and they all started loudly taking about me. FML
Today, I'm sharing a hotel room with co-workers on a business trip. The walls are paper-thin, you could hear a pin drop, and I'm trying to make my explosive diarrhea as close to silent as possible. FML
Today, my apartment management notified me that my water was going to be shut off all day so they could fix the plumbing. I took a laxative last night. FML
Today, I had to take a laxative for the first time. Instead of working gently overnight like it promised, I woke up at 3 a.m. to an unrelenting river of shit that made my legs numb on the toilet. FML
Today, I was constipated and so desperate to go that I ate an entire box of laxatives. Now I'm in the hospital on a saline drip for dehydration and malnutrition, in addition to getting a massive enema and having the most agonizing shit of my life. FML
Today, I was at home with slight constipation, so I took two laxatives. That's when my boyfriend called me, saying his parents are in town and want to have dinner tonight, this being the first time I've met them. I've already been on the toilet five times. FML
Today, thinking he was being so hilarious, my friend slipped me enough laxatives to make a horse shit its intestines out. I haven't been able to move from the toilet for over an hour. FML
Today, my entire family, myself included, has been turned into a collective diarrhea fountain after going out to eat. We only have one bathroom. FML
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
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Top comments
Selphis 20
Just go... they'll stop listening soon enough ;-)
greenfishbait 19
You have to do what you have to do!
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Comments (72)
Selphis 20
Just go... they'll stop listening soon enough ;-)
goldfishgod 20
Yeah. **** it, go. This is literally the worst situation I could ever think of. Don't deny yourself the pleasure of a good poop just because people are listening.
Leprekhaun 14
It could be worse... Like in a public restroom with a lot of traffic..
goldfishgod 20
The good thing about a public restroom, though, is that you don't personally know the other occupants and they will leave soon.
ShyAnn29 15
At least you aren't sitting in your car, stuck in traffic!
MWidderAUDI 14
#14- I don't think it's going to be a good poop after taking laxatives...
greenfishbait 19
You have to do what you have to do!
MyNameIsViet 15
Yea you can't just shit there for ages.
Leprekhaun 14
Let it loose and get some air freshener.
Metallica36176 16
And get a radio. That's why we have a radio in our bathroom. It drowns out the sound.
Ashamed_Sister 60
Don't care about the guests, and if they really don't like the sounds coming from the bathroom they might leave earlier.
CrysisAverted 5
You can always try making very loud fart noises to try to mask out the real ones op, then your roomates will think you were just ******* around?
error404n0tf0und 21
when they ask just say you where reanacting some sex you had, that will shit them up
zingline89 18
If having sex with your significant other sounds like explosive diarrhea, you're doing it wrong.
MissMollie_85 12
unless you're a necrophiliac ;P
zingline89 18
No they just bang dead people
MissMollie_85 12
I was talking about the sounds... anyway, obviously that joke was shit and went over a lot of heads, so I will let myself drown under the sea of downward pointing thumbs.
EnvyMe33 26
I thought this was funny because I understood the joke :)
llama612 27
So your just going to sit there and shit yourself? Just go poop who cares everyone poops man.
BellaBelle_fml 23
Good book. I read it once…
twinkiefeets 17
How can you hold it in? It's going to turn into explosive diarrhea.
arsenicalhumor 30
It's your house, and also your health D:
doodlecloud 27
Maybe sing, or turn the shower on and pretend you're showering to mask the noise...? Good luck.