Nearly FMLs

By "emeraldapostle" - 21/11/2018 16:10

Today, I came out to my parents. They were accepting, saying they love me no matter what. They also said that God lives me no matter what. Now I need to come out to them as atheist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42

You deserved it 16

By Countrychick - 21/11/2018 14:28

Today, I got kicked out of my own band. The lead singer hates me because I wouldn't date or sleep with him, so he convinced the entire band to exile me by setting me up and telling them lies about me. They have been planning this for months and everyone was in on the "plan" besides me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 5

By littlelizard - 21/11/2018 10:15

Today, my co worker told me if I didn't listen to him, he would lock me in the storage room. So of course I never listened and he carried me to the room but ended up tripping over and falling on top of me as the door shut on us managing to lock both of us in the room for a good hour....FML

I agree, your life sucks 49

You deserved it 3

By horriblebadwoman - 20/11/2018 22:29 - United States - Vancouver

Today I learned that I might not be able to visit my sister in Canada for TG because of a DUI I got (deservedly, and served time for) 5 years ago. I’m an otherwise good person. I won’t know until I drive 6 hours and get to the border. And if denied, I either lie or fess up to my whole family. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 46

You deserved it 11

By Anonymous - 21/11/2018 00:18 - United States - Belleville

Today, I had to copy a 20 gigabyte company file onto my phone from my PC, which took an hour and fifteen minutes. I immediately found it was in the wrong folder, and I had to wait another hour fifteen for the transfer to complete. My boss took the time from my pay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46

You deserved it 6

By fudge it - 21/11/2018 07:00

Today, me and my boyfriend were having sex and his mum walked in unannounced, she said sorry then left, not 5 minutes later she was screaming at us... we're both 20 years old and live together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 5

By Anxiety - 21/11/2018 05:46

Today, as with every other day, I live with my mother to help take care of her. It wouldn’t be so bad except for she knows what makes my anxiety bad and purposefully does things to make me have a panic attack, then yells at me for having a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 0

By A Number - 21/11/2018 03:32

Today, I ended up in the hospital and had heart surgery to get a pacemaker. It was also my 25th birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30

You deserved it 0

By PeePants - 20/11/2018 21:23

Today, I realized that my cat will only urinate on my clothes, leaving my wife's alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43

You deserved it 4

By Sucks2BMe - 20/11/2018 20:01

Today my boyfriend said he was going out for a job interview at 7pm and told me he'd be back soon. It was after midnight he returned then went to bed in the spare room. I also found out Today that I am pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 4

By unluckykt - 20/11/2018 15:46

Today, my dad let me drive the car up to my college, which is about an hour away, after a lot of back and forth because he doesn't trust me with cars. The car started smoking the second I made it to school. Some how the radiator cracked and the car is stuck at my school until after thanksgiving break. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 0

By Stupid Shorts - 20/11/2018 15:41

Today, I was accidentally added to my coworker’s group chat where they were debating whether to tell me that my shorts rode up whenever I sat down, clearly exposing my penis to the office. They decided not to say anything because it would be funnier showing me the photos later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43

You deserved it 13

By Scar Dick - 20/11/2018 09:32 - Canada - Richmond Hill

Today, I got my first call to be a nude model for an art class. I thought things were going really well until halfway through the class, when an older woman got up and asked in front of the whole class why my circumcision scar was so hard to draw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 20/11/2018 11:44

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for not agreeing that she looks like Quasimodo...FML

I agree, your life sucks 43

You deserved it 4

By jake55 - 20/11/2018 05:36

Today, when I was heading to basketball practice I realized I forgot to bring socks. After three hours of running around in my shoes barefoot we were asked to remove our shoes so we can stretch on the tumbling mats. They forced me to put my shoes back on because of the horrible smell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31

You deserved it 14

By kino - 20/11/2018 05:05

Today, I realized I have been playing way too much Sims when I tried to change the color of one of my shirts by tapping it. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 22

You deserved it 30

By **facepalm*** - 20/11/2018 04:19

Today, after waiting at the bus stop for 15 minutes in the rain, the bus came! Despite hailing, it drove right by. So considering they come every 30 minutes I decided to walk the kilometre until the next one. Once I got to the bus stop I realised that my dress had been tucked in my underpants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39

You deserved it 4

By mustanggt - 20/11/2018 01:50

Today, I saw my neighbor playing around in his backyard with a homemade longbow. He was drunk and just shooting off arrows in every direction. The police laughed when I called. It has a draw weight of a hundred pounds, is lethal as a rifle, and it's about as funny as Agincourt to a Frenchman. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 43

You deserved it 2

By marystar - 20/11/2018 01:29

Today, I wore my new Trivium shirt to the grocery store. A guy there asked me if I had ever seen them live, and when I replied no, he beat me up and stole my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 7

By Scarlet Skye - 20/11/2018 00:54

Today, I had to present my story in creative writing. Since my story was too long to read to the class, I ended up reading them an embarrassingly stupid sounding summary. As if that wasn't bad enough, my computer gliched and now I only get partial credit for the whole nightmare. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 28

You deserved it 8

By Anonymous - 19/11/2018 21:56

Today, I texted my friend about how I am sad that I am always left out and nobody invites me anywhere, hoping for support. His response? "Could be, what was the English homework". FML

I agree, your life sucks 42

You deserved it 1

By lana - 19/11/2018 19:42

Today, I served green bean casserole for dinner. My niece hated it so much that my brother had to hold her down while his wife force fed it to her while holding her nose shut so she’d have to open her mouth. She passed out and still wouldn’t eat it when she woke up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14

You deserved it 53

By StillInterestedAnyways - 19/11/2018 13:53 - Canada - Halifax

Today, I got a text from a friend saying "I had a dream about you last night." I jokingly replied "How ominous, I hope it wasn't a sexual dream." It was a sexual dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35

You deserved it 12

By insulttoinjury - 19/11/2018 17:21

Today, my girlfriend of six months broke up with me over the phone, while I am in the hospital. After suggesting we talk about it she visited me. As she was leaving, I leaned in for one last hug. She reached out her hand and had me shake it instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 1

By Messedup - 19/11/2018 10:21

Today I stopped receiving messages from the guy I was talking to. I looked in my Facebook msgs and a girl messaged me saying “thank you for ending my marriage.” I guess that answers my question. The sad thing is I really loved the guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 7

By "Lisa" - 18/11/2018 23:59

Today, I realized that all of my relationships have ended with them choosing another woman over me. I sure know how to pick them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40

You deserved it 0

By dex - 18/11/2018 19:36

Today my phone rang in class so my teacher spitefully asked me to solve an equation on the board, which I did perfectly thus foiling his attempt to embarrass me in front of the class. He had me suspended for being disrespectful. So now outsmarting a petty teacher is against the rules FML

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 7

By mandi - 18/11/2018 17:12

Today, my daily morning breath has become so bad that it now manifests as an painful burning sensation in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 1

By WTF - 18/11/2018 15:54

Today, I've been seeing this guy for about a week now. We got really drunk and he came over to cuddle. We cuddled and all of a sudden my sheet were drenched. He peed the bed. Currently waiting for him to wake up but idk how to tell him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 6

By Mateo - 18/11/2018 11:08

Today I tried to replace the LED backlights in my tv. I was actually successful and the backlights work but then I cracked the screen putting it back together. Now I can't see a thing...FML

I agree, your life sucks 33

You deserved it 10

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The Top

Today, a deaf customer came to my work. In an attempt to connect with him I introduced myself in sign language. He just rolled his eyes and pointed at my name tag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 256

You deserved it 13 221

Today, I was walking to my room. My friend's dog, who has always seemed to hate me for no reason, let out the loudest bark he could muster the moment he saw me. Not only did he scare the absolute fuck out of me, he also made me drop my pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 776

You deserved it 160

Today, I got piss drunk. Being a tattoo artist, I came to the intoxicated conclusion that I could save much more money doing my own tattoos on myself. I now have my ex-boyfriend's name permanently on my thigh. It's not even spelled right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 541

You deserved it 65 049

Today, it was my girlfriend's birthday, so I decided to take her to a fancy restaurant and give her an expensive $400 necklace that I had bought. Being traditional, I asked the waiter to arrange it nicely on the tray when he came with our dessert. Neither he nor the necklace ever showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 976

You deserved it 9 428

Today, my mom decided she wants to try a new family bonding experiment: Being naked around the house for an entire week. She wants us all to eat dinner, watch tv, etc. completely naked. She says she will ground me and my siblings if we don't try it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 263

You deserved it 273

Today, after spending a week defending my marriage to everyone, I found out my husband has an addiction I never knew about. Hookers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 128

You deserved it 7 166