Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 18/11/2018 10:36

Today, due to my parents being at work themselves and staff shortages, I had to count my register while also babysitting my baby brothers. My baby brother's nappy overflowed and left shit on my boss' brand new leather chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43

You deserved it 6

By "HalfRetarded127" - 17/11/2018 21:52 - Germany - Potsdam

Today, my boyfriend made himself fangs out of cashews. Then he spent time perfecting them before leaning over to bite my neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40

You deserved it 8

By "EinherjarUltra" - 17/11/2018 17:50 - Germany - Potsdam

Today, my girlfriend stuck her hand down my pants. Normally that would be a good thing, but her hands where so cold that i now literally have blue balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 12

By "Peony_kaye" - 17/11/2018 09:06 - United States - Mission

Today, my three year old and I were shopping in a busy retail shop. I was sifting through merchandise and unbeknownst to me, he had whipped out his junk and was showcasing his manhood for all to see. I hadn't noticed until it was too late, FML

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 7

By SaucierGirl - 17/11/2018 12:56

Today, I woke up in a puddle of cat urine at 5:15 am. My fully grown Great Dane caught the scent and pissed all over my house. My puppy is the only one that didn’t disappoint me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43

You deserved it 2

By PooBoy - 17/11/2018 09:16

Today, as I was wiping myself at the end of a large, rather liquid bowel movement, the toilet paper suddenly lost friction, causing my hand to suddenly shoot upwards, flinging poo all the way up my back. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 3

By cooldawgsgirl21 - 16/11/2018 19:21

Today, I decided to wake my man up with a blow job. Right as he was about to cum he said “breakfast is served” and proceeded to jizz all in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38

You deserved it 35

By 5MoreMinutes... - 16/11/2018 17:33

Today, my mom is one of those people who wake up at 4:00 am, and also one of those people who take a shower everyday. The problem is that she tries to wake me up at that time, everyday, and nags me to take a shower. She's here for two weeks and won't stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 6

By Faliure - 16/11/2018 11:17 - United States - Tampa

Today, I failed high school and I'm unemployed. My mom won't stop asking me to move out. I'm 16 and I literally can't do that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49

You deserved it 22

By my daddy? - 16/11/2018 04:47

Today, at the park my boyfriend was teaching me how to ride a bike. As I ride with him running behind me hold the seat, we pass by a dad teaching his little daughter how to ride as well. I was mortified to hear when my boyfriend said to the dad "They grow up so fast, don't they?". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36

You deserved it 9

By Anxious - 15/11/2018 22:18 - Canada - Morrisburg

Today, I got fired from My job. At first they didn't want to tell me why but they finally admitted it was because I'm "too nervous" around customers. I have an anxiety disorder and now I've lost my job because of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 5

By Huldan MeGroyn - 15/11/2018 21:53 - United States - Oxford

Today, my motor blew in my car in the middle of the road. An officer showed up and called a tow, saying we could not wait for my girlfriend's insurance. I couldn't afford the tow that showed up, so they towed the car to their tow yard, directly across from my apartment. I can see the car from my window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 5

By Takdeer - 15/11/2018 17:37 - Canada - Surrey

Today, I was on my period, and since my I was feeling depressed because of it, my boyfriend gave me a piggyback ride. It was a heavy day, and I ended up leaking on his WHITE shirt. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 20

By one bad week - 16/11/2018 01:37

Today, I woke up with a fever and a raging flu which would have been bad enough had i not also had to endure the neck pain from a permanent whiplash injury, migraines for three days, getting dumped, and getting my period all in the last 5 days. Thank god it’s Friday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 1

By Alex - 15/11/2018 13:22 - United States - Jefferson

Today I was trying to kill a spider in my room. When I went to kill it with my shoe and it dropped onto my bed and ran under my blanket. It was huge and I'm too scared to go back in my room so now I'm sleeping on my couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40

You deserved it 12

By Anonymous - 15/11/2018 18:19

Today, I used a convenient store restroom, that wasn't very clean. When I got off of the stool my phone fell on the floor. I turned around and leaned over to pick it up. The toilet, equipped with an auto flusher flushed so a drop of dirty public toilet water splashed up and hit me in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46

You deserved it 9

By SaucierGirl - 15/11/2018 15:36

Today, I found out what my brother’s plan for the future is. He wants to live in a box, talk small children into giving him their art supplies, and selling his artwork. He isn’t even a very good artist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43

You deserved it 2

By Rocketman - 15/11/2018 11:26 - Netherlands

Today, after a long year of working overtime and having no holidays I finally started packing my suitcase for a trip to Rome tomorrow for a week with my girlfriend. One problem, I can't find my passport anywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 10

By Jolly - 15/11/2018 08:12

Today, I accidentally killed a plant belonging to my mother-in-law. Yesterday, she told me that it was her father's, and keeping it alive since his death has been like keeping her father alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 10

By Smam - 15/11/2018 16:05 - Australia - Erskineville

Today, in a depression fueled rage, my girlfriend smashed a glass against the wall, cutting me pretty badly. This sort of thing has become so commonplace that I'm more upset over the fact she broke my favourite glass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 6

By "Stephen McCain" - 14/11/2018 13:08 - United States - Boise

Today, my fiance's parents commented how we only had one framed photo of the two of us. Upon closer inspection, her father realized that his uncle had the same photo of himself. Taken in the same location. The visitation room at the state prison. He thought I was out of state for work. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 36

You deserved it 31

By metroid - 14/11/2018 19:58

Today, my laptop was running very slowly and I needed to do research for a paper, so I asked my roommate if I could use her much faster laptop and she said sure. As soon as I got near it, it started running just as slowly as mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 4

By Alex - 14/11/2018 04:11

Today, I met this cute girl at a college program and talked a bunch with her over text. It turns out she and an old friend of mine went to the same college, so trying to start a conversation with her, told her to look out for him because he's a nice kid. They ended up getting together.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 18

By BloodyHell - 13/11/2018 21:20 - United States - Charleston

Today, I was eating breakfast when I suddenly developed a severe nosebleed. I bled into my bowl of cereal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 3

By "HalfRetarded127" - 14/11/2018 00:30

Today, my boyfriend told me he thinks "half retarded" is my strongest character trait. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36

You deserved it 3

By Anonymous - 13/11/2018 22:33

Today, my legs are so hairy they were mistaken for my husbands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25

You deserved it 35

By shutterflash - 13/11/2018 22:28

Today, the postal service shut down services in my area due to a strike. It's been three weeks, and so far I haven't had any mail. Now everyone is pissed, and my important packages are being held hostage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 0

By "wysegirl" - 13/11/2018 21:43

Today, we had our 36 week ultrasound and baby is already 8lbs... now the doctors are convinced I'll always have 10-11 lb babies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46

You deserved it 1

By Annonymous - 13/11/2018 17:06 - Poland - Poznan

Today, the air filter of my expensive PC case was destroyed, because my grandmother tried to iron the filter to make it straight. It was only bent a little. The damn thing was fresh out of the box, and destroyed within an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 2

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The Top

Today, I discovered that if you heckle a mime, it's possible that the mime will actually kick your ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 472

You deserved it 40 251

Today, my boyfriend finally moved out from his parents' house to his friend's flat. Excited that I wouldn't have to be so silent when we had sex anymore, I went over to spend the night. His bedroom is right next to his friend's 4-year-old daughter's room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 134

You deserved it 3 567

Today, I am 10 weeks pregnant and my husband says he needs time for himself. This apparently means he will be romancing and sleeping with other women so he can "relax". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 590

You deserved it 272

Today, I called in to my girlfriend's favorite radio station to propose. After spending what seemed like an eternity telling her how much I love her and I want to spend the rest of my life with her, she took a deep breath, said, "How about no?" and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 255

You deserved it 4 469

Today, I have four flights. I spent last night projectile vomiting with food poisoning. By the time I got to the airport it had progressed to liquid diarhea. Two flights in, I got my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 792

You deserved it 2 721

Today, I found out that my amazing sugar and oil olive body scrub will cause the next person to get in the shower to slip and break an arm. We have no insurance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 605

You deserved it 1 600