Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 02/11/2018 11:16

Today, my wife had gained a ton of weight. When I married her five years ago, she was a sexy and healthy 180lbs. Now she is a 500lb land whale. I know I am supposed to love her for who she is, but I simply find her absolutely disgusting. Every time I bring up losing weight, she cries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 29

By Kool Person - 01/11/2018 23:15 - United States - Manville

Today...I was walking up to the door of my 7AM rehab meeting. I am a recovering alcoholic, last drink was almost 5 months ago. I managed to fall *up* the stairs, all while busting my lip into a bloody mess in the process. I walk in, and I could tell the whole group thought I was shitfaced. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 5

By Zombidoll - 02/11/2018 03:41

Today, I got my job threatened because my boss misunderstood the definition of a word. Instead he kept saying how I should respect him as he has a degree. I had the definition pulled up.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 4

By CreeptacularBait - 01/11/2018 23:53

Today, I found out I dislocated my toe. I dislocated it by jumping up to close the garage door, and landing wrong. I walked on it all night without realizing and my husband thinks I am exaggerating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 3

By JoshBosh - 01/11/2018 16:27

Today, i opened up my youtube recordings folder to edit the 2 hours of footage i recorded last night. The same 2 hours of footage i recorded with a muted mic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 12

By lilyrei - 01/11/2018 10:13

Today, I finished a 3-month exercise routine and felt good about my appearance. I put on a great outfit and went out for a celebratory drink. On the way, a bird shat on me. For the second time in a month. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 4

By TriedTurningItOffandOnAgain - 01/11/2018 08:39

Today I went to use my 24” $2400 iMac which I’ve only had a few years. It started smoking and now it doesn’t work. I got out my MacBookPro $2300 which I haven’t been using because of keyboard issues. That wouldn’t charge. Then mechanic called a few hours later saying my car engine is dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 9

By Sick bitch - 01/11/2018 08:25

Today I got diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. I turned 28 not even two months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 3

By stuckathome - 01/11/2018 05:46

Today, my friends suggested we go to a party for Halloween. I got so hyped as this would’ve been my first college party and I had the perfect diy outfit. However, when he time came, we ended up going nowhere because they couldn’t decide where to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 3

By randy Calhoun - 31/10/2018 20:48 - United States - Orange

Today, my coworker showed up to work dressed as Charlie Chaplin complete with the Chaplin mustache. He also demanded that he not receive any work because of said costume. Guess who got to do two peoples worth of work while his coworker walked around work like Charlie Chaplin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 1

By happy Halloween... - 31/10/2018 21:37 - United States - Cape Coral

Today, in the spirit of Halloween, a bat shit on me when I was walking my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 31/10/2018 20:27 - United States - Floral Park

Today, a kid came to my door dressed as Donald Trump for Halloween. He refused to take any candy and instead tried repeatedly to give me a pro-Trump pamphlet his parents handed him. When I refused it, he thanked me for my time, then proceeded to ask his parents when I was going to be deported. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 3

By Rooskie360 - 01/11/2018 00:46

Today I delivered a load to a job site but the guy who was running the job site was busy with something so I had to unload the truck by myself. In the middle of a thunderstorm. In nothing but a t-shirt and jeans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 5

By Why God? - 31/10/2018 19:24 - United States - New York

Today, at an adult's Halloween party with old friends and neighbors. While there, I saw a familiar face whom I have fallen in love way back then, and not wanting miss this chance. As we catch up, I asked her about her Nun costume, she said she has recently taken her vows and is now full-fledged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 2

By Raven711 - 31/10/2018 23:45

Today, in the spirit of Halloween I was eating a fizzer. Second one through, I discovered a hard chunk in it. I spat what I had in my mouth and a piece of my tooth in my hand. I’m a model and Iv also got a bachelorette party as well as a wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40

You deserved it 4

By Frowning Jackolantern - 31/10/2018 22:07

Today, I learned that I won't be able to go trick or treating or even leave school, thanks to my drama teacher making us stay until 8:00pm for a rehearsal for the play. My parents won't even let me buy any candy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 962

You deserved it 183

By Miserable momma - 31/10/2018 20:41

Today... After months of separation and silence from my kid.. I see where she has publicly humiliated me all over social media. One of the reasons we quit talking? Because she said I commented something indirectly about her on social media. Shes been doing it for over a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38

You deserved it 3

By Itonami Hilltop - 31/10/2018 17:57

Today, I walked all the way from my car to the building my classes are in. I remembered part of my project was still in my car, walked back to get it, found some other things i forgot. Came all the way back to the building. Then I remembered I didn’t grab the item I was going out for in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 22

By ColdAsHellNow - 30/10/2018 23:46

Today, as for the past two weeks, the heater is on the fritz. HVAC came to "fix" it for the third time and now I can't shut off the AC without using the breaker panel, but he swears he "didn't touch a thing." Looks like another cold night tonight FML.

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 1

By Grace - 30/10/2018 19:39

Today, my mother was watching the Hallmark channel on the computer she shares with my step father. She closed the window to find a Porn Hub video playing in the background. No, Mom, Hallmark does not have porn ads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 1

By crazykittykat - 30/10/2018 15:38 - Denmark - ?lborg

Today, i was having sex with a one night stand. After we were done he said, that it would be nice if i stayed and we could do something, but his girlfriend was coming later that day to move in with him.FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 7

By Elizabeth Ann - 30/10/2018 14:35

Today, some people have wet dreams when they’re sleeping. I have wet farts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46

You deserved it 4

By How’d that happen - 30/10/2018 13:29

Today, I finally got the courage to ask this cute girl for her number. She said yes, but I left without getting it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 19

By Daddy - 30/10/2018 12:24

Today, Wife started with a BJ, first bit of action in 3 months, 2 month old baby woke up interrupting, she said we'd finish later. 5 year old came around at the 2nd attempt, scared. I ended up trading rooms, I finished up myself later to find blood in my semen. Yay Prostate exam here I come, FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 7

By SomeLife - 30/10/2018 12:09

Today, after a spat with my husband, I pointed out all the things I have done for him including recently giving him the son he always wanted after I made it clear I didn’t want another child. Now he is accusing me of being a shitty mother for “regretting” our kids. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 20

By "emeraldapostle" - 30/10/2018 08:47

Today, I realized how sex depraved I am when I was in the shower. Some hot water hit my neck and I moaned. Loud. My grandparents definetly heard it. Worst of all, I'm a guy, and in the closet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 9

By mehimhere - 30/10/2018 01:06 - United States - Clinton

Today we were getting ready to take my four year old son to a Halloween event in town. He was clearly excited to the point he threw up. We figured we would give him time.. Just for him to throw up in the car. We had to cancel. Tears all day and my mother blaming me for spoiling the event for him.FML

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 2

By Anonymous - 30/10/2018 00:48

Today I went to Halloween Horror Nights and at the entrance I was denied access because my tickets were not for that, but for a theme park 2 hours away. My ticket expired in 1 hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 17

By Wander - 29/10/2018 23:03

Today I've been in a relationship for 1 year and a half. We haven't had sex in 8 months because of "stress". I found out that in reality he had been watching porn everyday, from the very first day and basically chose porn over me. My single friends have a more satisfying sex life than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 9

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The Top

Today, I received an envelope from Verizon. I assumed it was my bill. I opened it and saw a Visa credit card offer so I quickly snapped it in half to prevent identity theft. Only after playing with the pieces for 10 minutes did I realize that it was the $100 rebate for my new phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 233

You deserved it 62 952

Today, this guy I have been hanging out with for a while came over and we were about to do it. He pulled off my clothes and once I was naked I reached for his zipper. He just backed up and said he was a virgin and simply wanted to see me naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 136

You deserved it 12 305

Today, I found out my mom had been telling everyone how independent I was and just wanted to be left alone. I was homeless when I graduated valedictorian from high school and wondering why no one would let me stay with them, even when it was snowing. Now I know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 569

You deserved it 116

Today, I had an interview. Another applicant shook my hand, saying, "May the better man win." I smirked and said, "Thanks, I plan to." I turned and saw the interviewer. He definitely heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 516

Today, I found out my partner is cheating on me with several women. I broke up with him but he won’t move out without legal action (he is staying in my apartment), so I’m literally stuck being around him. He’s been very toxic and petty since I found out. I just want this to end. FML

I agree, your life sucks 647

You deserved it 147

Today, I texted my friend asking if he'd like to join my "porno group". I meant promo. I quickly texted back correcting the mistake, but not before I received the nudes he sent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 973

You deserved it 4 754