Nearly FMLs

By Little John - 13/11/2018 16:54

Today I went to donate blood after about a 3 hour wait I didnt even get to donate hardly anything. The nurse skewered my vein so badly they couldnt use it anymore. My arm is killing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 4

By Ihaveterribleluck - 13/11/2018 15:58

Today I finally got a job. I have orientation tomorrow and have to bring the required documents. There’s just one problem, I can’t find my social security and I’ve searched everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 8

By DumbAndDumber - 13/11/2018 03:02

Today, I was out with some friends, when we were making some dirty jokes and I said "This conversation is going down the tubes. The Fallopian tubes." One of my friends turned to me with a confused look and asked, "What's a Fallopian tube?" He's 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 8

By Sexually Frustrated - 12/11/2018 20:40 - United States

Today, I received my first nude. Unfortunately, it was my best friend asking me if she should send it to her boyfriend. I couldn’t even tell what it was. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 42

You deserved it 3

By Anonymous - 13/11/2018 01:56

Today, I waited for the right guy to lose my virginity to, and for the longest time I thought I’d wait until marriage. Ended up losing it at age 23 with my boyfriend of 7 months and the condom slipped out. Today I found out I have chlamydia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 6

By Sleepy - 12/11/2018 23:53

Today, I fell asleep in class. Today was also the first time I had a wet dream in months. When I woke up, my boxers didn’t feel sticky and I remembered that I was still wearing my gym shorts. Then I saw the puddle of cum on the floor that I had to hide and try to clean up without anyone noticing.FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 14

By Bad Gambler - 12/11/2018 23:43

Today, I learned the risks of betting my gay friend that my fantasy team would beat his this week. Now he has a video of me stripping naked and jacking off and my team lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17

You deserved it 69

By Anonymous - 12/11/2018 22:43

Today, I went to a Family Reunion/ Wedding this weekend. First night I was there, I had undercooked shrimp and got food poisoning. Threw up 10 times in one night, and was sick all weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43

You deserved it 4

By Anonymous - 12/11/2018 20:39

Today, it was raining heavily so I decided to sprint to the shop to get less wet. I ended up slipping and falling in a giant puddle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43

You deserved it 3

By ally - 12/11/2018 15:34

Today, after five years of marriage and 10 years of knowing my husband, my husband tells me he cheated on me. the lover is now pregnant...we have been trying to get pregnant for over 5 years...FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 0

By "Bannannabrainz" - 12/11/2018 08:29 - United States - Schertz

Today, I was having sex with one of my friends in my poorly lit truck and only to find out after that she has a cut on her vagina leading to blood all over my seats and dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42

You deserved it 19

By stepped_under_a_ladder - 12/11/2018 04:11

Today i want into the bathroom in the middle of the night without the loght on and realized that i stepped on something. I turned on the light... it looks like my rat poison worked... FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 7

By ApparentlyARebel - 11/11/2018 23:20 - Canada - Paradise

Today, I got in trouble because my teacher called my parents to tell them that I ditched school/ didn't come back after lunch even though I was in school. No one believes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 2

By "TheAngriestNoodle" - 12/11/2018 03:12

Today, I was lying on my bed watching TV, when my auto air freshener misted and a huge glob of liquid pain shot from it hit my tear duct. I was almost blind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 8

By DuctapeCat - 11/11/2018 18:17

Today, My friend from school was feeling unwell, so he went to the teacher to tell her. She said eat blueberry yogurt, so he did. After school, he vomited all over the hallway, blueberries and all. I didn’t notice it was there and I slipped and fell into it. I needed to go to the nurse. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 5

By Ductape - 11/11/2018 18:13

Today, I found out that my miniscus was torn. I was on a ski jump at a lake, and I was with my friends. I was climbing up the ski jump and I fell on my knee. I tried moving my leg but it was intensly painful. Now, I need surgery in a 5 months to get it fixed. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 4

By IT Guy - 11/11/2018 15:19

Today I was asked to fix my grandfather's laptop, and when I opened his history to clear it up for a little more speed, it was filled with pages and pages of Xvideos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 4

By FYouDrew - 11/11/2018 11:08

Today, I greeted my boyfriend at the door to his apartment, like I thought he wanted me to. When he opened the door, he immediately got mad at me because his dinner was already on the counter, cooling. Yesterday he got mad because it was in the oven another 10 minutes.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 7

By oh boy.... - 11/11/2018 10:30

Today, my 7 year old son came home from school crying because he wasn't invited to his classmate's birthday party. When I explained to him why she only invited their girl classmates, he said "But I'm a girl too!". My husband, his dad, and my dad will not be pleased if they heard that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 8

By Dickster - 11/11/2018 07:14

Today, while waking from anesthesia, my worst fear was realized when I learned that I'd have to live with a catheter in my penis for about a week. The pain and discomfort is unbearable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 11/11/2018 06:16

Today, my professor accused me of believing propoganda because I showed him raw television footage proving that he was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 3

By Anonymous - 11/11/2018 10:23 - Hong Kong - Kowloon Tong

Today I woke up to the sound of water been spilled, I hastily get up thinking my toddler spilled water, before I could process what was going on since I was really exhausted,my toddler had taken off her diaper and decided to go pee while she was standing on a chair in my room, soaking everything,fml

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 7

By BloodyButUnbowed - 11/11/2018 03:16

Today, my aging mom has lost all sense. She sent money to a scammer to "clear" her Amazon account. It's not the first time, and I can't get her to move closer so that I can help her more. She's going to end up living here anyway, in my spare room, after someone walks off with all her money. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 1

By TheGoodBurger96 - 10/11/2018 15:39

Today My Girlfriend Told me she was pregnant by someone else.If that wasn’t a great enough to wake up to finding out about the chlamydia she gave me is even better.FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 0

By pickles - 09/11/2018 23:03 - Canada - Ottawa

Today I decided to suck my fiancé’s dick.. right as he commented on my “lack of gag reflex” he hit the back of my throat and I promptly vomited all over his penis.. shockingly I am still engaged but now he has an interesting story to tell all our friends.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 5

By Anonymous - 10/11/2018 04:44

Today, I threw a "banger", to which I'd invited hundreds. Five showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 9

By Alexis - 10/11/2018 04:34

Today, I asked my mom to see a pimple on my back and forgot I had 3 love bites from last night. Dad was also in the room so when she asked “Are those love bites?”, my dad came to see and said “Of course they are, you can still see the mouth”. And they both laughed at me. I’m 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38

You deserved it 23

By Anonymous - 09/11/2018 19:30 - United States - Price

Today I returned home from a 3 day vacation, to find that not only had I not closed the door fully to my three cat's room, but they had shit everywhere, and the house smelled like death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31

You deserved it 52

By Star - 09/11/2018 19:22 - United States - Price

Today my cat caught a huge mouse, and I was happy, until I found out my favorite rat was missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 23

By Ashamed Drunk Girl - 09/11/2018 22:50

Today I went to my boyfriend after a few drinks with my friends.. we had a GREAT sex too bad I was more drunk than I thought and his parents heard the whole thing and after confronting him she walked away imitating my apparently loud, drunk moans... FML

I agree, your life sucks 20

You deserved it 42

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The Top

Today, there was a forest fire in my town. I was still forced to go to school, as it was safer. A lot of people decided not to go, and we ended up doing nothing but watching the news reports. There, I got to see my house burning on live TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 615

You deserved it 4 663

Today, I was grocery shopping. When I turned around I noticed a group of teens passing by laughing. I didn't think anything of it until I got to my cart. The losers had left a pack of Slim Fast in my cart. I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 009

You deserved it 2 386

Today, I checked in at a hotel, got the keys and went up to my room. However, there seemed to be a problem, so I went back to the front desk. “Excuse me, but there’s already someone in my room!” The reply I got was, “So, what’s the problem?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 708

You deserved it 50

Today, I found out the truth about my parents’ divorce and why our family is so distant. Turns out my dad had an affair with not one, but two of my mom’s sisters. And that my youngest cousin is also my half-sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 395

You deserved it 157

Today, I got home from the hospital. Yesterday was my birthday, and I got a piece of steak caught in my lower esophagus, resulting in a trip to the ER and an overnight stay so they could put me under and fish it out. I’m not allowed meat for a month while they find out what caused it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 491

You deserved it 210

Today, I was trying to be environmentally friendly by using a reusable water bottle, but didn't screw the top on properly, so while I was chatting to someone it splashed it all over my computer and bricked it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 613

You deserved it 575