Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 04/12/2018 10:13

Today, i walked in on my girlfriend having sex with a coworker, she told me to trust her more, I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 7

By StinkyBelly - 04/12/2018 10:11

Today I've been vegetarian for just over a month. I also have zero warning when I need to use the bathroom. When I woke up for my morning poo my housemate was in the shower: I had no time to ask him to leave, so I had to literally shit in a bag. In my bedroom. Over a towel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 32

By Andrea Trevor - 04/12/2018 01:12 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I thought I could hold it in long enough to open my front door. I couldn’t. There is now a puddle on the front step. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 6

By Kashia - 04/12/2018 05:03

Today, I finally found a ride to go pay for and pick up my prescriptions. When I got home, I grabbed the mail. What arrived Today? My prescription insurance card. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 93

You deserved it 11

By ApparentlyARebel - 03/12/2018 20:09

Today, I got test anxiety and forgot everything once again. Got home and told my parents, obviously upset, and they yell at me and blame it on my tv and computer all while telling me that I don't do anything. I only use my computer for online assignments and I study at least 6 hours a day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 3

By Kanzz - 03/12/2018 19:47

Today in my school all my friends recieved some or the other award. But I, inspite of being the most active member of school was not given anything. Idky but I am really feeling bad. Moreover, I have entrance exams for college in a month and I haven't studied a word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 69

By Thatguy - 03/12/2018 08:25 - United States

Today, I went to have a sperm count done. My wife informed me her Dr said I needed to provide the sample at the facility which was not true. The office staff blushed and a phlebotomist almost died of laughter. I went home and returned with a sample only to learn a phone call later they didn't do that test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 4

By SG - 03/12/2018 08:00

Today, while fooling around on the floor during a shower, my husband’s knees gave way. He was stuck on top of me while I felt like I was being tortured via waterboarding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 6

By "mellowyellowbaby" - 03/12/2018 00:02

Today, I tried to be a mature adult and did one of the hardest things I had to do and broke up with my really sweet boyfriend that I don't have a future with and now he's been guilt tripping me all night and accusing me of never caring about him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 13

By Propmanager - 02/12/2018 14:12 - United States - Beaverton

Today I had to give an eviction notice as they have not paid rent for 2 months. They have 4 children and have to leave the day after Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 7

By Bill - 02/12/2018 17:19

Today, I found another dead scorpion in our kitchen. I went to scoop it up to throw it away, only it wasn't dead, just pretending. It stung me, I dropped it and it ran under the oven. My wife thinks I deserved to get stung. She doesn't believe that I wasn't playing with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 5

By yourwifelovesme - 02/12/2018 10:09

Today it’s my sisters 21st birthday. I went to pick her and a friend up at a bar. I parked, went in and left not 5 minutes later and my car was towed. I went to get it back and discovered those assholes ripped the front lip off my car. Then on the way home her friend puked in my backseat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43

You deserved it 5

By MyRoomSmellsLikeFart - 02/12/2018 03:53 - United States - Cranford

Today, after almost week of constipation, I took a laxative. I then had excessive farting for days. Now, I've moved on to a new stage. Explosive diarrhea. I'm not sure how I still have a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 6

By Anonymous - 02/12/2018 05:40

Today while working in a hospital I split my pants down my butt. A female co-worker said this made her want to give me a hand job. Then five surrounding female co-workers began laughing hysterically. I was the only man present and I think I was just sexually harassed in the workplace...FML

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 15

By Anonymous - 01/12/2018 21:01 - United States

Today I have a cat who wants to watch everything I do, so she knows how to open and push doors, but she also knows how to unplug my lamp out of the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39

You deserved it 2

By Tallshadow - 01/12/2018 23:14

Today, my debit card has been hacked and so I can only use cash until the new one arrives in the mail. I can't withdraw cash at the bank because my ID expired and I'm still waiting to receive the renewed one (which I paid for weeks ago, I might add). Basically, I can't access my bank account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 4

By Max - 01/12/2018 16:35

Today I got into a fight with my mom because she thinks I'm wasting too much time getting over my depression. She thinks that because I have gone to therapy for 1 year I should be better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 3

By SadPotato - 01/12/2018 00:12 - United States

Today at work I was helping a customer and he paused, looked me up and down, and told me I was one of the ugliest girl he had ever met... I was just recently rejected. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 3

By hurt_shins - 01/12/2018 01:01 - United Kingdom

Today after my shower my boyfriend came in the room and picked me up from behind. He took a step forward and I thought he’d drop me on the bed so I pulled my legs up. Instead he planned to drop me straight down but because my legs were pulled up i fell down on the bedframe with both my shins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 10

By Anonymous - 30/11/2018 19:08 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I got yelled at by my family because the food I ordered for dinner has not arrived yet. Not only did they make me order, pay, and call to complain, but they had to pass this place on the way home from work and wouldn't stop because they had to pee. The bitching won't stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 11

By TGIFridayFunTimes - 30/11/2018 23:27 - Finland

Today, I was planning on having a nice time at a friends b-day party after a stressful week. I'm currently at the ER getting heavily medicated for sudden stomach pains... FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 2

By Embarrassed Guy - 30/11/2018 13:42 - United States - Green Bay

Today, my girlfriend of two years just texted me my name in full caps, which I ask her to clarify. Turns out the doctor asked if she did cupping because they saw "bruises" on her back because of her open back shirt. She says no, but her mom is sitting with her and glares. I am so screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 12

By Bride-Groom Hell - 30/11/2018 18:08

Today, my fuck buddy from college decided the day of my wedding was right time to break her silence and declare her for me in a Facebook message. This would have been fine, as I have no feeling for her and haven’t spoken to her in years. The problem is my future wife runs my Facebook for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 42

By Renee Tuff - 30/11/2018 15:14

Today, i went to my second doctors appointment to get my test results back to see whats going on in my vagina. They didnt know what was happening and gave me really strong antibiotics anyway. I cant taste anything but chemicals and drinking water makes it worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 4

By Sapphire Layos-Wagaman - 30/11/2018 12:58

Today... I found out that thanks to my ballet career when I was a teenager is the cause for my joint pain. Some days I struggle to even sit up due to the pain. I am only 22...FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 8

By Lovealltigers - 30/11/2018 03:09

Today, we found out the results for my grandma’s cancer test. Not only does my grandma have skin cancer, we found out my grandpa does too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 1

By StarvingStudent - 29/11/2018 10:10 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was studying in a coffee shop where an elderly Chinese lady came up to me. She started spewing Mandarin, which I don't speak, so I politely waited for her to finish before asking if she spoke Cantonese, which I do speak. Her answer? "I JUST TOOK A MASSIVE SHIT!" In English. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 5

By Anonymous - 29/11/2018 00:54 - United States - Zephyrhills

Today, my mother came into my room and stabbed me in the leg, and said "Stop fucking crying you fat bitch". I wasn't crying and I was totally asleep. I also hadn't lived with her since I was 19 and apparently she broke into my house to do this. What the fuck?! FML

I agree, your life sucks 97

You deserved it 3

By Anonymous - 28/11/2018 22:21 - United States - Media

Today, it was snowing. I do my morning routine and shovel snow out of the driveway in a neon vest. I took a breather by the fence post sitting on cardboard boxes by our trash so I wouldn't get wet. A man gave me Mc Donald's and 20 thinking I'm homeless. I'm 17. He let me keep the Mc Donald's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 1

By game over? - 29/11/2018 10:35 - Philippines - Pasay City

Today, Grandma again barged in unexpectedly, and walked into me and my childhood bestfriend having sex. I told her its just a game to us and she's convinced, till I thought she was. She later declared to our parents that we are to be wed, looked at me evilly and whispered "or else!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 35

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The Top

Today, my family’s usual Sunday dinner turned into a shouting match over politics. My uncle called me a “brainwashed socialist,” my cousin accused me of being a “capitalist pig,” and my grandma just sat there eating pie, which made me want to call her a "fence-sitting centrist", which is when I realized that maybe we shouldn't ever talk about politics again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 145

You deserved it 467

Today, I was walking down the street with my friend, one I walk down every day, and I saw a really cute guy nearby. I felt like I looked better than usual, so I turned my head to offer a smile, and walked right into a pole. The impact was strong enough to send me falling to the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 182

You deserved it 46 925

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for refusing to stop talking to my female best friend. When I pointed out that my friend's a lesbian, she said, "How the hell does that change anything?" I have no idea why I'm not happy to be rid of that paranoid imbecile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 802

You deserved it 481

Today, my bank overdrafted my account to pay a bill that isn't due until next month. When I called them, they said they would fix the mistake, but I have to restore the account to zero before they'll give me my money back. So, I have to pay for my own money with the money they won't give me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 448

You deserved it 2 252

Today, my wife showed me what was missing in our marriage with a Twilight video montage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 407

You deserved it 4 710

Today, while I was waiting at a bus stop, a man stopped at the red light and smiled at me. I smiled back. He blew me a kiss and drove away, just as I realized he was masturbating behind the wheel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 185

You deserved it 4 721