Nearly FMLs

By ticked - 10/05/2016 11:00 - Canada - Cambridge

Today, I started my new job through a staffing agency for a job a couple cities over. The staffing agency told me to show up at 6 AM when the orientation starts at 8 AM. I woke up at 4:40 for this crap. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 313

You deserved it 84

By snot rocket - 10/05/2016 09:34 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out. He sneezed and I felt it like a spray bottle, if that wasn't bad enough when he looked up his eyes widened saying, "Don't kill me but a huge snot wad is in your hair." He proceeded to take a picture before helping me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 361

You deserved it 30

By Lepisma - 10/05/2016 09:24 - United States - Saint Albans

Today, I got a fresh coconut for the first time in years. Excited, I cracked it as soon as I got home from the store. It smelled a little different than I expected, but since it had been so long I chalked it up to a gap in memory until I took a taste. I got a mouthful of fungus. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 314

You deserved it 38

By Ray - 10/05/2016 09:02 - United States - San Diego

Today I got into a major accident four hours after my insurance had just expired, FML

I agree, your life sucks 331

You deserved it 42

By Jazzyjess - 10/05/2016 07:32 - United States - Morgantown

Today, I didn't realize my mace had sprayed in my purse, until I reached in for my car keys. I breathed in and started choking and coughing. Then I rubbed my eyes. I had to tell work that my eyes were red because I was maced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 263

You deserved it 11

By Lyssers13 - 10/05/2016 04:18 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, at my little cousin's birthday party, my grandma took the plate of cake out of my hands and handed me an apple. Ive been dieting and was looking forward to my first treat in 3 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 316

You deserved it 34

By Notequila - 10/05/2016 03:01 - Australia - Perth

Today, I got so drunk at a friends birthday party that I passed out in front of my crush, then proceeded to vomit all over myself including my hair and clothes. I ended up being taken to emergency because my vomit changed to blood. Safe to say we probably wont be meeting up again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 354

You deserved it 136

By jaimebamie - 10/05/2016 02:50 - United States

Today, I woke up early to get to school so that I could make up a final. After sitting in a testing room for almost 2 hours, they told me that they couldn't find my log in info and I would have to reschedule for another date. I then was told I had "super shitty luck" and laughed at by a teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 349

You deserved it 21

By ishouldwearshades - 10/05/2016 02:23 - United States - Madison

Today, as I was walking to class, I felt something fly into my eye. I checked in the mirror, but I couldn't see anything. It continued to feel off the rest of the day, so I kept rubbing it. Eventually, I felt something and looked down at my hand. It was a fruit fly. It was in there for seven hours.

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 35

By Aw, Nuts - 10/05/2016 01:05 - United States - Burke

Today, I got hit in the testicles with a roughly 85mph lacrosse shot. I wasn't wearing a cup because it was supposed to be an easy practice. I have a softball sized hematoma in my scrotum that stings with every step I take. FML

I agree, your life sucks 247

You deserved it 32

By Anonymous - 10/05/2016 00:36 - United States - Bowie

Today, I dyed some clothes, using my phone as a timer. Thinking I'd avoid accidents, I kept my phone far away from the tub. When I came back with more clothes, my phone was gone. It was in the tub. Apparently it received enough texts to vibrate off the toilet and bounce over a foot into the tub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 215

You deserved it 27

By Darkness - 10/05/2016 00:02 - United States - Lebanon

Today, I took the motorcycle driver license test and I fell off and broke my ankle. Now I need surgery and can't walk for 5 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 178

You deserved it 13

By Ihatemyteacher - 09/05/2016 22:37 - United States

Today, I didn't hear my teacher say to turn in our work because people were yelling. I did, see people turning it in. As I went to turn mine in, a timer went off. She told me I couldn't turn in my work, because it was late. By one second. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 218

You deserved it 22

By alie - 09/05/2016 22:21 - Latvia - Riga

Today, I got locked out of one of my accounts. For verification I was asked to enter my old number that ends with 53. I searched everywhere, I woke up my parents, I read through my Messenger all the way back to 2012. And I finally found it! Just to discover ending with 53 is my current number. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 118

You deserved it 91

By badassmom - 09/05/2016 21:52 - United States - Porterville

Today, I was at a gas station when a strange man walked in and asked the cashier and me, "Where are the neighborhoods where all the little kids play outside?" We both played dumb, not wanting to send this guy near kids. As I was walking out, I saw him get into a red Ice Cream truck FML

I agree, your life sucks 152

You deserved it 19

By ew - 09/05/2016 21:30 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, I headed the ball during my soccer game. The impact popped a zit on the middle of my forehead, making it bleed. I then had to play the rest of the game with my forehead obviously bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 126

You deserved it 12

By Terminator1573 - 09/05/2016 20:41 - United States - Watertown

Today,I was ready to turn in a paper to for a huge scholarship that I have been working on for about 3 weeks now. Me and my meticulous mother went through and made it perfect. When I went to turn it in I realized that the old unedited copy was the one I saved and backed up. FMl

I agree, your life sucks 130

You deserved it 20

By ScarletteNyte - 09/05/2016 19:52 - United States - Clearwater

Today, I'm finding myself thinking of the sweetest, most amazing guy I have ever met who says he's willing to help raise my child if he turns out to be the father. He is currently in prison. FML

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 13

By collegegrad - 09/05/2016 19:05 - United States

Today, I found out I have jury duty on Saturday. Saturday is also my college graduation. I can't get out of the jury duty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 149

You deserved it 5

By gabimk23 - 09/05/2016 18:57 - United States - Bethlehem

Today, I had to get a cat scan done. They tried to put the iv in my hand, but my vein imploded because it couldnt handle the pressure being pushed through. The fluid leaked into my hand, causing a muscle spasm. I still can't move my fingers and I have the SATs tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 504

You deserved it 58

By Ihatemyjob - 09/05/2016 16:54 - United States - Lombard

Today, while delivering food, I slipped down some steep stairs and messed my ankle up. A couple months ago, I warned my manager that someone's going to get hurt. I guess that someone was me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 399

You deserved it 67

By ELace - 09/05/2016 16:03 - United States - Cypress

Today my husband told me we didn't have a relationship where he would honor me in any way for Mother's Day. My 6 and 3 year olds made me sweet crafts at school and my 6 month old twins were extra cute. So today I cooked every meal, cleaned all day and never even got to shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 444

You deserved it 45

By RestlessDiesel - 09/05/2016 15:51 - United States - Hudson

Today, when I went to pick up my son's new bicycle I ran into my ex-wife's boyfriend buying him a fancier one. I cannot afford to buy my son a better bike because of all the alimony that I am paying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 429

You deserved it 38

By UnfortunateRelationships - 09/05/2016 15:39 - United States - White Lake

Today, the night before I went back from college, my ex came over to say goodbye. I asked him what was going on between us and he took off his pants and said he wasn't sure if he wanted to be in a relationship but I was his best friend and he didn't want that to change. He then expected a bj. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 401

You deserved it 50

By WhyMe - 09/05/2016 15:14 - United States - Camarillo

Today, I woke up to my two-story house being covered in toilet paper. Apparently, my ex, stalker, and one time thing are best friends and decided to pay me a visit. One of them also has my wallet and they blocked my number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 334

You deserved it 32

By Balphleair - 09/05/2016 14:48 - Lebanon - Beirut

Today, my sex dream was so intense, I ended up falling off the bed for humping it so hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 283

You deserved it 56

By TheLifguard95 - 09/05/2016 14:43 - United Kingdom

Today, whilst walking my dog, I saw a small child hide behind her mother as she was scared of my dog. I have been told I have resting bitch face so as the pair passed me and my dog I heard "don't worry the dog won't bite you, but that guy might"... FML

I agree, your life sucks 288

You deserved it 42

By Dolores420 - 09/05/2016 14:24 - United Kingdom - Derry

Today, I was shopping with my mom. In one of the shops I noticed a handsome looking guy staring and smiling at me so I smiled back and said Hi. After that my mom came up to me and whispered to my ear "he's your cousin..." (He didn't know either, until he saw my mom.) FML

I agree, your life sucks 349

You deserved it 47

By neveragain - 09/05/2016 13:33 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I finally got over my foot shyness and wore flip flops in public. Everything was going great until a homeless guy spat in my direction. His spit landed right on my foot. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 285

You deserved it 31

By SUPERSHEEP4EVA - 09/05/2016 12:22 - United Kingdom - London

Today, whilst working at my job for the 111 service (health care line in England), I spent 30 minutes trying to convince a man he hadn't caught HIV from a banana because of a post he saw on Facebook. His only symptom? Diarrhoea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 182

You deserved it 17

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I started my job as a driving instructor. My first client showed up piss drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 228

You deserved it 4 246

Today, one of my employees was fired for refusing to do a basic job necessity. After the meeting with HR, he left the office and tried to go back to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 726

You deserved it 172

Today, I’ve been waiting for the girl I love to break up with her boyfriend so I could ask her out. It finally happened; however she said she wanted time to heal before she started getting involved with guys again. I respected that decision. There’s just one problem. I saw her in town, hand in hand with another man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 344

You deserved it 1 023

Today, while out jogging, I was suddenly hit with unbelievable gastric distress. I wasn't wearing brown pants when I set out on that jog, but I sure was when I made it back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 045

You deserved it 1 950

Today, I wrote a bad review for a pizza place after their pizza gave me food poisoning. Now, they won't stop calling me, begging me to take my review down in exchange for free pizza. I have tried to tell them that I wouldn't eat their pizza again even if I got paid to do so, but they won't listen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 615

You deserved it 1 401

Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 971

You deserved it 15 983