Nearly FML

By AFortyMinuteRide - 09/05/2016 12:04 - Australia - Gladesville

Today, being confined to a wheelchair, I had to be helped into the wheelchair carriage of the train. I was not the only person in a wheelchair there. There was also an elderly man with a very full and rancid diaper. The smell was so bad people were moving carriages, that is, everyone but me. FML

agreeclassic 160

vote type 1 12

By Anonymous - 09/05/2016 11:46 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I was already sad because I recently found out I have PCOS which means I have a slim to no chance of having a baby. It also makes it hard to lose weight. A lady I haven't seen in over six months walks up to me and rubs my belly and says "oh yay!" I said "No. I'm just fat, thanks" FML

agreeclassic 187

vote type 1 13

By Anonymous - 09/05/2016 10:48 - Netherlands - Nijmegen

Today, I was going to hang out with some friends. They got the great idea of inviting my ex, whose behavior in part caused my current depression. Then they started interrogating him about his sex life with me present. They still don't fully understand why I'm upset. FML

agreeclassic 164

vote type 1 9

By Me - 09/05/2016 09:52 - United States - Gibson

Today, I rushed to the hospital because my boyfriend told me he had gotten in a car accident and broke a leg. well when I got there he wasn't there, I called him to see where he was to make sure he was okay, well he was definitely okay, he was drunk and banging some random girl from the club. FML

agreeclassic 338

vote type 1 18

By AtLeastTheSeatsFoldDown - 09/05/2016 08:32 - United States

Today I specifically told my grandfather I was going out for a while. When I got home, the door was locked. Guess I'm sleeping in my car tonight. FML

agreeclassic 226

vote type 1 33

By mrmoore - 09/05/2016 08:21 - United States - Katy

Today, while cutting through the plastic wrap on our brand new couch my wife paid for in cash with a pocket knife, I sliced right through one of the couch cushions. Guess whose not winning the best husband of the year award... Fml.

agreeclassic 220

vote type 1 64

By Fuuuuuck - 09/05/2016 07:10 - United States - Lewisville

Today, I decided to help my grandpa unload fencing materials. Little did I realize my end had barbed wire. After my arm got caught and a barrelled roll later guess who has stitches and a tetanus shot? FML

agreeclassic 213

vote type 1 14

By TheUnluckyDuck13 - 09/05/2016 06:22 - United States - Salida

Today, I slid into a ditch on a snowy pass in my friend's shitty car. We were unprepared with suitable clothing, hours from phone service, and no cars were nearby. One out of 10 houses had its lights on, 15 miles and the side of a mountain in a foot of snow later. We were greeted with a shotgun.

agreeclassic 229

vote type 1 13

By still awake - 09/05/2016 05:20 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I'm still awake after hours of trying to fall asleep, because my asshole brother is moving out for awhile and decided to do it at midnight, knowing I have to be up tomorrow very early, and he still has a week before he had to go. FML

agreeclassic 212

vote type 1 13

By ugh - 09/05/2016 05:10 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my parents found the perfect way to keep my younger sister from sleeping through her alarm. Prance through the house, loudly singing out of tune 70's hits. I have no idea when they're going to stop this. FML.

agreeclassic 161

vote type 1 6

By Newlysingle - 09/05/2016 04:56 - United States - Mcpherson

Today, my car got a flat tire. The only person who could pick me up was my boyfriend, or so I thought. Apparently he was on a date with another girl and couldn't come get me. I'm now single, broke, and had to walk home 25 miles. FML

agreeclassic 254

vote type 1 7

By TK610024 - 09/05/2016 04:41 - United States - Franklin

Today, I thought I was getting great gas mileage. Nope, turns out my gas gauge was broken and didn't show that I was out of gas. I was only stranded for 3 hours before roadside assistance showed up. FML.

agreeclassic 183

vote type 1 8

By pandora - 09/05/2016 04:41 - United States - Bedford

Today, my boyfriend begged me to have sex because we hadn't for a while. We waited until his parents were asleep and when we were about to do it, when his best friend asked him to play video games. Guess I'm not getting any tonight. FML

agreeclassic 187

vote type 1 16

By de - 09/05/2016 04:28 - United States - Houston

Today, in class, my friend put a pencil under my ass right before I sat down. Now my ass has started bleeding. FML

agreeclassic 153

vote type 1 8

By theamazingd - 09/05/2016 04:26 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I finally got to try on my cap and gown. The one I tried on at the grad fair was way too big, so they gave me what I thought was one size down. I have just discovered that the gown I ended up with is so small I can hardly zip it. I graduate in 5 days. FML

agreeclassic 136

vote type 1 9

By Good Friend - 09/05/2016 04:24 - United States

Today, I was trying to help carry a drunk friend to the car. When he decided to fight back because he forgot who we were. Long story short I'm now in the hospital with a slipped disk. I may need surgery on my back and I'm only 23 years old.

agreeclassic 158

vote type 1 7

By drunkie - 09/05/2016 02:21 - United States - Mcminnville

Today, I awoke at 3am in the hospital, smelling of vomit, and having lost my wallet. This was followed by a 2-mile walk home. I now completely understand why I am single; not the walk of shame I had envisioned. FML.

agreeclassic 148

vote type 1 15

By FishSwish - 09/05/2016 01:49 - United States

Today, I work as a dietary aide in a nursing home. While doing the dishes for the 110 residents, I noticed a foul smell from one of the food carts. It wasn't too long before I came across a food tray that had a giant, slightly runny, turd on it. FML

agreeclassic 166

vote type 1 9

By IWonderWhy - 09/05/2016 01:19 - United States - Niceville

Today, despite our bad relationship, I decided to text my mother for Mother's Day. She spent the next hour berating me for not texting her sooner. FML.

agreeclassic 143

vote type 1 13

By syro - 08/05/2016 23:17 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I landed in NewYork. My flight was just perfect. Except for the minor 30 min delay because the plane broke. Or the extra 30 mins to find a new plane. Or that the new plane was smaller and we had to check our bags. Or that they forgot our bags and sent them to baggage claim 15 mins away. FML.

agreeclassic 146

vote type 1 19

By Doyouthinkyouhav - 08/05/2016 22:52 - United Kingdom

Today I'm once again going to bed alone, because my wife is too drunk to make it up the stairs to bed. FML

agreeclassic 151

vote type 1 13

By saddened - 08/05/2016 20:02 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, my husband didn't wish me happy Mother's Day, or even get me a card or anything. He simply sent our son to say it. When I asked my husband about it, he said "you're not MY mother so I don't have to wish you, our son did, didn't he?". Our son is 3.

agreeclassic 162

vote type 1 27

By ash88ley - 08/05/2016 19:23 - United States

Today I called my mom to wish her a happy Mother's Day. She answers by telling me she wants to donate her body to science when she dies. For a split second, I think maybe her motives are pure, but then she tells me the only reason is so I won't have to pay to get her cremated. FML.

agreeclassic 137

vote type 1 14

By almost lover - 08/05/2016 19:19 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, after 2 months of my husband calling me fat and putting me down, I lost 30 pounds, got my teeth cleaned, dyed my hair, tanned, and got rid of all my stretch marks. Now he wants a divorce because he "doesn't want to try harder to keep a hot wife." FML.

agreeclassic 222

vote type 1 15

By sheisahoeanyways - 08/05/2016 18:43 - United States - Murrieta

Today, my "best friend" told me the reason she did not post a single photo with me from prom was because I ruined all of the pictures FML

agreeclassic 142

vote type 1 9

By JustAUsername95 - 08/05/2016 18:35 - United States

Today, on Mother's Day, my little brother locked my car keys in my car. Right before we were supposed to go to my grandmother's house to give her the bouquet of roses we had made for her as a Mother's Day gift. FML.

agreeclassic 116

vote type 1 9

By italianskater69 - 08/05/2016 18:04 - United States

Today, I got an urgent call from my grandfather stating that his lake needed to be weed-eated. The weather looked bad so I decided if I got it done fast, I'll beat the storm. Halfway through, the string broke and it's Sunday. My grandpa is in church. I'm locked out in the middle of a storm. FML.

agreeclassic 102

vote type 1 6

By Darkray1963 - 08/05/2016 17:45 - United States - Acton

Today I lost my good-paying job of many years. Four months ago my wife spent all our savings remodelling our downstairs, which included four large rooms of bright white wall-to-wall carpeting. One month ago our large elderly dog lost the ability to control his bowels while he slept. FML.

agreeclassic 139

vote type 1 9

By lorianne - 08/05/2016 17:36 - United States - Salem

Today, it's mother's day. My gift was to be woken up by the cat climbing in the window with a live screeching bird in his mouth that he then proceeded to murder. FML

agreeclassic 114

vote type 1 13

By ilikecheesefries - 08/05/2016 17:07 - United States - Clarks Summit

Today, at a family cookout for Mother's Day my mom started talking about how animals eat their young. Shortly after, my sister got on her nerves and my mom mumbled "I should have ate them." FML

agreeclassic 94

vote type 1 14

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Top

Today, it's my sixteenth birthday and my mom promised me she'd buy me a car. She came home with a toy lego car. FML

agreeclassic 25 684

vote type 1 21 047

Today, I heard a girl telling her friend all about her boyfriend, John. They talked about the grocery store that he works at, and that he drives a nice yellow mustang. My boyfriend's name is John, works at that same grocery store, and drives a nice yellow mustang. FML

agreeclassic 62 355

vote type 1 3 978

Today, I got home to my grandma yelling at the top of her lungs that I didn't do everything I was supposed to when I was home. I literally washed dishes, cleaned counters, vacuumed, gathered trash, AND cleaned the bathroom. I didn't fold my blankets. That's it. That's what she was yelling about. FML

agreeclassic 518

vote type 1 111

Today, I finished taking a huge dump at the public restroom at the mall. When I got up to wipe, my wrist clipped my butt and knocked my brand new Apple Watch into the toilet. FML

agreeclassic 2 137

vote type 1 1 227

Today, in the small hours of the morning, my roommate's boyfriend kicked his foot through the thin wall separating our bedrooms during sex. They didn't even stop. FML

agreeclassic 53 975

vote type 1 4 477

Today, while at work, after reading more than 100 FMLs and moderating more than 500, I decided to write one of my own with the help of my boss, who had been standing next to me for over an hour. "How about being fired?" FML

agreeclassic 12 170

vote type 1 58 731